I'm sure yall get this alot...

Re: I'm sure yall get this alot...

• jmichlik member

  

  April 2012 edited April 2012

  My mom and MIL are on completely opposite pages in this regard, which drives me nuts. My mom started talking about kids to me 4 years ago, right when my husband and I graduated college and moved in together (we just got married last August to put things into perspective). Anytime in life she could come up with a way to sneak in talk about kids she would... at the DMV getting my car inspected she tells me my next car needs to have side airbags if I'm going to have kids in it... she calls telling me I should talk to my job about onsite daycare... The worst was that the summer after I graduated my sister worked in a specialty toy store and she had to talk my mom out of buying baby things there!
  
  Back when my husband and I were dating, anytime I would even talk about kids in any regard (and NEVER in reference to me having them at all) she would get a shocked look, put her hand on her heart like she was having a heart attack and say things like "Oh Jess, don't scare me like that." It was ridiculous. Over time she calmed down but is still a little wacky. My husband and I have been working and saving money for a few years and plan to buy a house this summer but she still tells me we need to wait at least 3 more years before we consider having kids. We've been together 8 years now, there's no need to wait 3 more. Sigh. It just sucks having them both on completely opposite pages. My mom I have no problem telling off but when his goes on the "why you should wait 3 years" rant I just sit there and say nothing...

  

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• lovetorunyeah

  

  April 2012

  Well my FMIL was at our house yesterday and made the comment, "Well, I guess I;m down to grand-doggies now, so hopefully you guys get me some real grandchildren soon."

  
  

  Um lady, you have two grandchildren in another state (my FI's sister and her husband moved for a job and she is all upset because they don't live here now) and you need to get a grip on reality!

  
  

  We are not in any hurry to have grandchildren just so you can have one who lives close to you.  However, my dogs probably wouldn't complain if you lavished them with gifts

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• supertoaster82

  

  April 2012

  I was actually logging into TK to see if there was an appropriate place to vent about this exact topic!

  
  

  H and I just got married in February, but MIL has been bugging us about babies since before we got engaged (August 2010). I'm 29 and he's 31, but there are several reasons we are waiting at least 2 or 3 years (I need to finish school, we'd like to save so we can put a down payment on a house, etc.). As a result of her (very publicly) bugging us about children 24/7, the rest of H's extended family has also started bugging us. And not in the "oh, are you guys going to have kids one day?" or "when do you think you guys will have a baby?" general curiosity sort of way. It's always a very demanding, intrusive kind of way. One of H's cousins actually came up to us yesterday at a family party and said "you know, your MIL really wants grandkids before she dies (she's turning 70 this year), so you need to hurry up." I literally just walked away from the conversation without saying anything. I couldn't believe how rude/inappropriate the comment was.

  
  

  Like PP said, it just bothers me because I feel that starting a family is a very personal decision, and that it's none of anyone's business besides myself and H. His cousin's comment especially bothered me because OF COURSE I realize MIL is older, but I feel (obviously) that it would be a bad decision to start having kids just for that reason, especially when we aren't in a place (financially and personally) to start raising kids. Also, H has two sisters of childbearing age (one older, one younger), and no one is bothering them about what they are doing with their uteruses (uteri?)!!! Why is everyone so concerned about my uterus!!!

  
  

  I like the lines about practicing making babies and not asking about their uterus. H would be mortified if I used either of those on his family though - maybe I'll tell him if he can't find a way to shut them up, this is what I'm going to start telling them!

  

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• Mae0606

  

  April 2012

  Id be honest and tell her you're not ready to have kids because if you have the opportunity to, you want to be out of school, more secure, and in a better place. Laughing things off rarely works as I have found out, and honesty is truly the only answer when it comes to sensitive topics like kids.

  

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• DeannaCW member

  

  April 2012

  I'm probably going to end up using two of Dear Abby's recommended answers. First time, they get "Why do you ask?" Usually shuts them up, makes them realise it's not their business.  If that doesn't work? "If that were any of your business, you'd know the answer to that already"  My other option about the "when" is "When we decide to".  Answer without answering .  If people I don't know all that well start to get pushy, my go-to answer will be to reference the fact that I was on chemo in the past, so stop bringing it up thankyouverymuch.  That'll get em!

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• calindi member

  

  April 2012

  My friend had a wonderful solution to this -  she told her that they wanted kids, that they had a rough idea in their head about when they'd be ready, but that it's personal and that it wasn't yet.  And that every time her mother mentioned it, it meant they would add 6  months to the estimated time in their head.  So she would just go, "Well, there's 6 more months you won't have grandkids."  It shut her Mom up pretty quick!
  
  Either way, it's an awkward conversation when someone wants to discuss your sex life and your uterus.  Tell her it's none of her business, as nicely but firmly as you can.  Good luck!

  
  
  
  
  
  

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