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Bridal shower etiquette question

ali585ali585
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in Pre-wedding Parties
My cousin is throwing me a bridal shower and just asked me for a guest list. The majority of my bridesmaids live far away (they're west coast, I'm east coast) and I know they won't be able to attend since they're traveling here for my wedding 6 weeks afterward. Should I still send them invitations? 

I obviously would love to have them there (they are my closest friends!), but I don't want them to feel bad for not coming. One of them keeps saying how sorry she is that she can't help me with me more wedding stuff, but I really don't mind. Also, I really don't expect them or want them to buy me a shower gift! They're already spending a lot to travel here for my wedding, and I truly don't care if they don't get me a shower present.

Is there a way to send them invitations without making them feel obligated to get me a gift? I know when I get bridal shower or baby shower invites I always send a gift even when I can't attend--I'd feel bad not to. Or should I not say anything about gifts and just send them invites to let them know I would have wanted them to come if they lived closer?

Maybe I'm making too much of this. Any advice would be helpful!
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Re: Bridal shower etiquette question

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    Simply FatedSimply Fated member
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    edited December 2011
    I think you're making too much of this, too. Not in a bad way, you just don't want to upset your friends and that's pretty awesome of you.

    I'd definitely send them invitations. Personally, I'd rather be invited and not be able to go than not be invited at all. And, not getting your hopes up, but maybe there is a chance one or more can come. By not inviting them you aren't even giving them the option to try to attend.

    And you're right about not mentioning gifts to them. They'll send something if they want to and if not, it's no big deal.

    Have you considered skyping your shower for them?
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    waltzingmatilda13waltzingmatilda13 member
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    edited December 2011
    Yup, you're way over thinking this. 

    An invitation is just that, not a summons. They can make their own decision on whether or not to attend or send a gift. As a friend I would think they would rather be invited than excluded as well. 
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    ali585ali585
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    edited December 2011
    Thanks all. I read my original post and realized how worked up I sounded over a pretty small issue! Haha. I will go ahead and send them invites--you're right, it is better to invite them than assume they can't make it and exclude them.
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    DeidresmilesDeidresmiles member
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_bridal-shower-etiquette-question-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:c57f4ce0-e7c5-4c2d-baa1-7175e0015bd6Post:e1be5583-8aca-49a0-965c-e8845cfc77dd">Re: Bridal shower etiquette question</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think you're making too much of this, too. Not in a bad way, you just don't want to upset your friends and that's pretty awesome of you. I'd definitely send them invitations. Personally, I'd rather be invited and not be able to go than not be invited at all. And, not getting your hopes up, but maybe there is a chance one or more can come. By not inviting them you aren't even giving them the option to try to attend. And you're right about not mentioning gifts to them. They'll send something if they want to and if not, it's no big deal. Have you considered skyping your shower for them?
    Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]


    wow! I really like the skype idea. Its actually really cute, especially since you have this  problem which I know is really awkward and uncomfortable but nobody wants anyone to go penniless for them  so you can probably even tell them that you'll skype the shower. Plus it'll be sorta like a wedding video/streaming. really nice idea, definitely going to mention it to my sister in law
    A woman knows the face of the man she loves as a sailor knows the open sea. -Honore Balzac
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