Mother In-Law Problems

Re: Mother In-Law Problems

• SKPM member

  

  October 2012

  "Oh! I'm wanting that to be a surprise for the guests! How is your [church, sister, dinner, baseball team] doing lately?" What else is she asking about specifically?

  
  

  
  

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• TheVirginians member

  

  October 2012 edited October 2012

  The problem is the wedding industry and not you. My DD's FMIL told her son that she felt "out of the loop". 
  
  So I invited her out to lunch. She asked tons of questions. Pretty much all my answers were "we have not discussed that" or "hmmmm, we'll had to talk about that" or "you will have to talk to DD about that", and most frequently, "I don't know".   
  
  DD, FSIL, and I are just not into obsessing over all the wedding details. She will use traditional ivory invitations. The church has permanent flowers (not beautiful but the service will be only 15 minutes). She emailed our same pastor that baptized her. The venue gave us the florist and dj's name to use. We never considered special lighting. It has ended up that there just is no drama. 
  
  She called her son back and said she felt better knowing that there was no loop.
  
  ETA: DD and FI live in a different state than where they are  being married. In their home state, live FMIL and I.  Because my husband is sick, I had to stop work.  My DD  and her FI asked me to be her wedding planner as I can do that for the kids while I take care of my husband. 

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• theelusive1

  

  October 2012

  There is no loop at our house either.  When asked I say it isn't my wedding but when/if you find out will you tell me?  That pretty much shuts up anyone that is asking.
  If it was me I would probably say we are having an all black wedding.  black flowers black dresses etc.  Just to see the look on their faces.  

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• heroeswearbrown member

  

  October 2012

  FMIL says the same thing. FMIL and I don't agree on just about anything. Totally different tastes so I told FI that I don't want to take money from his folks for the wedding because of the strings involved and I really want our wedding to be what we want, not what FMIL guilts us into doing. So I tell her just about everything that FI and I decide and talk with her about details. Yet she still tells FI that we aren't including her and FFIL and they feel like we're purposefully shutting them out. So I think honestly that unless you do everything she wants, she will still say that she doesn't feel involved. 

  
  

  FMIL doesn't understand that in reality, I've been doing just about everything by myself, for two reasons. A, it calms me down to craft. I like it. and B. I have no enthusiasm from my family and over enthusiasm from her, so I just prefer to do things alone. 

  
  

  I even gave her a few specific things that I wanted her help with, but when 8 months passed and she hadn't even touched it, I gave up and did it myself. We had to pester her and FFIL for three solid weeks to book the rehearsal dinner and that just got booked last week. We're getting married in less than three months, so I honestly don't know if there is any way to avoid this comment. 

  

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• mandi195

  

  October 2012

  Can I just interject that, as a Catholic, if you get married anywhere that isn't a Catholic church/service, your marriage is not considered legitimate or real in your faith.... Not saying you haven't taken this into account for your decision, but just wanted to make sure you were aware. I am not sure if the Lutheran faith has the same type of restriction or not.

  Praying for a miracle!

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• saric83 member

  

  October 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mother-in-law-problems?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:a28403de-3276-4336-b82c-16b8cd99a570Post:36c0c04d-3850-4634-bc6e-7d345aa12e80">Re: Mother In-Law Problems</a>:
  [QUOTE]Can I just interject that, as a Catholic, if you get married anywhere that isn't a Catholic church/service, your marriage is not considered legitimate or real in your faith.... Not saying you haven't taken this into account for your decision, but just wanted to make sure you were aware. I am not sure if the Lutheran faith has the same type of restriction or not.
  Posted by mandi195[/QUOTE]
  
  This isn't true.  My parents were married in a Lutheran church (my mom is Catholic), and 15 years after they were divorced, she was required to go through a two-year process to get an annulment before she could re-marry in the Catholic Church.  They absolutely recognize it as a valid and legitimate marriage.

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