When my mother found out we were engaged, one of the first things she did was tell me that she didn't want my BF to be a bridesmaid. My BF and I went to college together, grad school together and lived together for years. I couldn't imagine getting married without my BF being my MOH. My mother does not like her because of some small thing her parents did over 5 years ago- my mom can hold a serious grudge about very petty things!!! When I asked my BF to be my MOH, she was hesitant saying, "are you sure you want me to be the one to stand between you and your mother on your wedding day?" So, she basically turned me down because my mother is difficult (to say it nicely). When fighting over something else, I was so heated that I told my mother that her controlling nature caused by BF to turn down the honor of MOH. (I have no idea why I let that slip- very bad idea!) My mother responded that my BF's comment was out of place, disrespectful, inappropriate, and "on her."
I am upset and disappointed with both my BF and my mother. I agree with my BF that my mother is a force to reckon with but I know my mother can't see how controlling and nutty she can be. My mother is the type of person who will never be able to hear any type of criticism, whether polite or blunt, and therefore isn't inclined to change her ways. There are only so many fights and conflicts I can put up with during the wedding planning and I don't know if having my BF as my MOH is a battle I want to have.
I know this is my fault because I told my mother what my BF said, but it frustrates me that neither my mother nor my BF can get past their opinion of the other. I want to yell at both of them and say "it's my day, get over it.' Unfortunately, as much as I want it to be my day, it isn't. There are people who need to be made happy, and there is no getting around it. Especially since my parents are paying for the wedding. I know not everyone will be happy with the wedding decisions but this is a big disappointment. I feel like I need to, and sadly want to, have someone else be my MOH.
What would other people do? Knowing that there will be a continued conflict between my BF and my mom, should I keep my BF as my MOH or placate my mother by just having my BF as a "plain old" bridesmaidor ask her not to be part of the wedding party?