Ohio-Cincinnati

depressed about how bad my wedding will suck

First we couldn't afford an open bar, which really sucks, so we were going to do beer and wine. Now after adding in all the costs we can only afford enough beer and wine for everyone to have 3 drinks. That's not enough to even get a buzz. I'm afraid people will be talking about us and leave before it's over because of how lame it it.  I'm not even drinking so I can make sure everyone else can drink 
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Re: depressed about how bad my wedding will suck

  • First I think it's absolutely silly to think you cannot offer a cash bar.  If a guest does not want to pay for a drink, they do not have to, they can opt to have the 3 drinks and be done...or gasp drink soda or water.  I think it's rude to not provide that option.  Also, I think allowing people 3 drinks each is not all that bad.  Remember that there will be plenty of people (think aunts, grandparents, etc) who will most likely not drink at all.

    If you are feeling awful, I would tell your friends about the situation prior to the wedding, they will understand and will be far from mad with your financial stuggles and decision to limit free drinks.  Also it gives a "heads up" to those that would make the decision to bring their own flask or secret stash:)

    Seriously don't less this be a damper on your excitement.  I have gone to weddings with all cash bar and dry weddings and I had a great time.  Why?  Because I was there to celebrate two people who loved each other enough to commit to forever to one another.

  • So here's the deal, most likely too late for this bride but going forward: 
    If you can't afford an open bar don't have an evening reception!
    So many more options, a morning or afternoon event where your guests would not expect alcohol to be served!  Cheaper too and can just as elegant and special!
    Unless you and your fiance do not drink for religious reasons, AND that is well known, it is poor taste and poor form to expect your guests to pay for a drink.
    Yes yes yes it is YOUR day, but you have invited people to come to celebrate with you, people who took time and effort to buy you a gift, show up for this event, etc

    How would you feel if your invited guests did not get you a gift, any gift because it was not within THEIR budget?
  • Makenna1210 is soo totally wrong. Once you invite the first person to your wedding and reception it is no longer just about you and your future husband. You need to host your guests. A cash bar is not hosting your guest's. Cut out other things to host them properly or cut down you guest list. Believe me people will talk.
  • Anybody who would judge you for not contributing to their buzz, hangover, and eventual liver damage does not deserve to be at your reception. 
  • Anyone drinking to the point of embarassing behavior (liver damage) at a wedding is just as poor taste as having a wedding and not providing a minimum of food and drink.  If you have a wedding in the morning or afternoon reception you can skip alcohol as it would not be expected.  But if you are having an evening wedding, your guests will be expecting an evening meal and the option of alcohol.  It's good manners, it's etiquette.  To put it back on guests as rude or crass if they judge you because you are not providing alcohol is just wrong.

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_ohio-cincinnati_depressed-about-how-bad-my-wedding-will-suck?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:108Discussion:9587fd67-ef5b-47a5-9fe4-34014401e351Post:cff1b8c7-62ad-4ac5-ba9f-2a077af3e6b3">Re: depressed about how bad my wedding will suck</a>:
    [QUOTE]Makenna1210 is soo totally wrong. Once you invite the first person to your wedding and reception it is no longer just about you and your future husband. You need to host your guests. A cash bar is not hosting your guest's. Cut out other things to host them properly or cut down you guest list. Believe me people will talk.
    Posted by Ashes_3[/QUOTE]

    First of all, I'm not wrong because it's MY opinion. Second, we decided to have our wedding this way because: 1) the majority of our family doesn't drink to begin with 2) Our guests are aware of our personal financial situation in that a) I have 2 children and b)we are having a low budget wedding and c) we are paying for it ENTIRELY on our own 3) We only have abt 75 guests and the majority of this is family. We would have to pay $9/head no matter who actually decides to drink the night of our wedding. I'm not paying that, if 90% of my guests aren't going to end up drinking even one alcoholic beverage!

    Bottom line is that it is up to the bride and groom because it IS about them. Just because you are inviting people to celebrate with you, doesn't mean that you have to make it entirely about them. If that was the case, you could say that every decision has to be based on what your guests like (i.e. food, cake, favors, etc.) It's your wedding so ENJOY IT!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_ohio-cincinnati_depressed-about-how-bad-my-wedding-will-suck?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:108Discussion:9587fd67-ef5b-47a5-9fe4-34014401e351Post:7eaa17e0-94bf-43ad-97ba-2f10cd866f81">Re: depressed about how bad my wedding will suck</a>:
    [QUOTE]Anybody who would judge you for not contributing to their buzz, hangover, and eventual liver damage does not deserve to be at your reception. 
    Posted by ShayIsSocial[/QUOTE]

    I completely agree with you. People shouldnt be coming to your wedding for the free food and booze. They should be coming to enjoy your company and celebrate your special day!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_ohio-cincinnati_depressed-about-how-bad-my-wedding-will-suck?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:108Discussion:9587fd67-ef5b-47a5-9fe4-34014401e351Post:acb3f06a-684e-41e8-90d8-e906e8d1908b">Re: depressed about how bad my wedding will suck</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: depressed about how bad my wedding will suck : First of all, I'm not wrong because it's MY opinion. Second, we decided to have our wedding this way because: 1) the majority of our family doesn't drink to begin with 2) Our guests are aware of our personal financial situation in that a) I have 2 children and b)we are having a low budget wedding and c) we are paying for it ENTIRELY on our own 3) We only have abt 75 guests and the majority of this is family. We would have to pay $9/head no matter who actually decides to drink the night of our wedding. I'm not paying that, if 90% of my guests aren't going to end up drinking even one alcoholic beverage! Bottom line is that it is up to the bride and groom because it IS about them. Just because you are inviting people to celebrate with you, doesn't mean that you have to make it entirely about them. If that was the case, you could say that every decision has to be based on what your guests like (i.e. food, cake, favors, etc.) It's your wedding so ENJOY IT!
    Posted by makenna1210[/QUOTE]

    Opinion does not equal etiquette.  Proper etiquette is to host what you can afford, and not expect your guests to open their wallet.  If you can't afford/don't want alcohol, don't have it, but don't excuse poor manners by saying it's YOUR day.  I certainly understand not wanting to pay for something 90% of your guests won't want, but that doesn't mean making the others pay for it is acceptable.  If you guests understand your financial situation, then they'll understand why you aren't having alcohol.  Again, they can go one night without it.

    You're paying for your own wedding?  So what?  So did I--it's no one's responsibility to pay for your wedding except you and your fiance.

    If you think this is only my opinion, post over on the etiquette board and see what kind of replies a post like this will get.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_ohio-cincinnati_depressed-about-how-bad-my-wedding-will-suck?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:108Discussion:9587fd67-ef5b-47a5-9fe4-34014401e351Post:129f4bef-a09f-4a1f-af98-aafc3f283bb3">Re: depressed about how bad my wedding will suck</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: depressed about how bad my wedding will suck : Opinion does not equal etiquette.  Proper etiquette is to host what you can afford, and not expect your guests to open their wallet.  If you can't afford/don't want alcohol, don't have it, but don't excuse poor manners by saying it's YOUR day.  I certainly understand not wanting to pay for something 90% of your guests won't want, but that doesn't mean making the others pay for it is acceptable.  If you guests understand your financial situation, then they'll understand why you aren't having alcohol.  Again, they can go one night without it. You're paying for your own wedding?  So what?  So did I--it's no one's responsibility to pay for your wedding except you and your fiance. If you think this is only my opinion, post over on the etiquette board and see what kind of replies a post like this will get.
    Posted by hccpsu[/QUOTE]

    The only point that I'm trying to make is that my wedding is an informal wedding. My thinking and my fiance's is that we would leave the option open for a cash bar for the people that wanted to partake in alcohol, instead of nixing it for everyone. It's a compromise. It's the 21-st century, this isn't a black-tie formal affair and if it was, I could see providing alcohol for everyone along with a seated dinner etc. We're not even doing that though! It depends on your wedding and how formal or informal it is. It's not as much a matter of etiquette the way I see it. It's what fits your budget and if it fits with the formality of everything overall.
  • hccpsu - this isn't the etiquette board. Sure, the ladies over there will flame you in an instant for suggesting a cash bar. I'm sure they'd flame me for the wording on my invitations (because I used wording designated "for a church wedding" when ours is outdoors) but I really don't care. It's my wedding, and outside of the VERY small group of etiquette snobs out there, no one knows, nor cares.

    I've been to cash bar weddings. I've been to open bar weddings. Did anyone comment to either option? Nope. Not before, during or after. So no, people won't talk. And if they do, in my opinion, they are the ones being rude.

    We are having an alcohol-free reception except for the champagne toast. One, because we can't afford to provide alcohol and two, the biggest reason, is because we don't want to provide everyone alcohol. So we don't want intoxicated people at the celebration of our wedding, so what? They want to get drunk, they can do it at their own party. No one in my family nor his family drinks, even wine, so we aren't providing it. If people think it's tacky, or will whine later about how we didn't provide them wine with their dinner, I'm not sure that I care. They can deal with not having wine for dinner for one night.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_ohio-cincinnati_depressed-about-how-bad-my-wedding-will-suck?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:108Discussion:9587fd67-ef5b-47a5-9fe4-34014401e351Post:c13f9bb1-978f-421f-ac1b-6a67b4e6145a">Re: depressed about how bad my wedding will suck</a>:
    [QUOTE]hccpsu - this isn't the etiquette board. Sure, the ladies over there will flame you in an instant for suggesting a cash bar. I'm sure they'd flame me for the wording on my invitations (because I used wording designated "for a church wedding" when ours is outdoors) but I really don't care. It's my wedding, and outside of the VERY small group of etiquette snobs out there, no one knows, nor cares. I've been to cash bar weddings. I've been to open bar weddings. Did anyone comment to either option? Nope. Not before, during or after. So no, people won't talk. And if they do, in my opinion, they are the ones being rude. We are having an alcohol-free reception except for the champagne toast. One, because we can't afford to provide alcohol and two, the biggest reason, is because we don't want to provide everyone alcohol. So we don't want intoxicated people at the celebration of our wedding, so what? They want to get drunk, they can do it at their own party. No one in my family nor his family drinks, even wine, so we aren't providing it. If people think it's tacky, or will whine later about how we didn't provide them wine with their dinner, I'm not sure that I care. They can deal with not having wine for dinner for one night.
    Posted by violakat03[/QUOTE]

    Just because this isn't the etiquette board doesn't mean etiquette should be ignored, IMO.  Any etiquette expert (Emily Post, Amy Vanderbilt, Miss Manners--take your pick) will tell you cash bars aren't proper etiquette--that's the point I'm making.

    What you're having for your reception is perfectly acceptable.  No one has to offer alcohol at their reception--it's not tacky to not have it.  I've been to plenty of dry weddings, either because of the B&G's beliefs, because the reception is in a church, time of day, etc.  What's tacky is having alcohol and asking people to pay for it.  Better to not have it at all.
  • I have been to weddings with and without cash bars..and never once thought of it being proper or not...I have my gazebo wedding booked at Toris Station in Fairfield with the reception to follow inside and it includes a nice dinner, unlimited pop, beer and wine..I have a ton of friends and family who drink and I think they will be very happy with free beer and wine and if they want something "harder' then they have that option..I really don't think anyone would judge us for not providing the "hard stuff"
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