I'll try to keep this short, and I'm not quite sure what I'm really hoping for here, so thoughts on any part of all of this is very welcome!
My fi was rasied Catholic, parochial school all the way, etc. He is lapsed and has no intentions on ever going back to the church. His mom is very devout and FFIL goes to mass on a semi-regular basis. I was raised Lutheran. My mom's family is all Lutheran, my dad is also a lapsed Catholic (he hasn't gone since my parents married in the Church.) My sister has converted to Catholocism when she married her h. My first husband was baptised Catholic, but never made first communion or was confirmed or anything. So I've been around the Catholic faith a lot and know it's not as "laid back" as the church I was raised in.
Fmil knows that fi does not attend church and has no intention to do so. I know that she prays for us, especially for fi to go back to church. She's a lovely woman, and I know it worries her that fi had not been to mass in about 25 years. She doesn't mention any of this to me, but fi frequently gets an earful.
Anyway, we are getting married in Vegas in a small chapel. The officiant is an ordained minister, but we are having a civil ceremony. When fmil heard that we would be getting married in a chapel by a minister she was happy that we "at least believed that part is important." She believes we are having a religious ceremony and is pleased about it.
The thing is, I feel like we're misleading her by not correcting her thought that we are having a religious ceremony. Fi does not want to tell her, and doesn't think she'll even notice. I think she will notice that there are no prayers or mentions of God in the ceremony. Do you think it's hurtful to keep letting her believe that? We're going to visit them this weekend and I know it will come up again. I know it will be disappointing to her that we're doing a civil ceremony, and I don't want to lie to her about things.
Fi and I have also discussed if we are blessed with children that we will not be raising them in either of our faiths. I know it will bother her if we don't get them baptised, and it's not that I'm against doing it (my older 3 are all baptised Lutheran.) I just don't have a church to go to do it and neither does he.
I guess what I'm kind of asking is- do you think it's better to correct her when it comes up (like I want), or let it slide and hope she doesn't notice that we don't do the church thing (like fi wants). Does any of that even make sense? I feel sneaky about it all, like we are intentionally misleading her. I respect her faith completely and don't want to upset her, but I think maybe it's something better done sooner than later. If it were your child and his fi, would you want to know now or find out by accident later?
I know it's hard to give opinions on things sometimes when you don't know the people, but any thought are appreciated. Thanks so much!