School While Married?

Jordyana · December 2010

My fiance and I are hoping to get married sometime in 2012; we don't have a definite date set yet. My biggest concern is school. He will be done with school by this point and have his degree, but I will have a year or less to go before I can get my degree.

We really want to get married in 2012 (we just don't want to wait another year!), but I'm wondering if going to school while being a newlywed is simply too much? I suppose that in the end it depends on how I can handle it, but I'm wondering if anyone else has done the same and how it worked for them?

DramaGeek · December 2010

It depends on each person, but we got married in Dec 2002. I graduated with my BA in May 2003 and went right into grad school, finishing that in May 2004. H was also in school when we got married. He dropped out in Feb 2003 to make a major change. For him this meant starting over as none of his credits transferred. He graduated in Aug 2007, 4.5 years after we got married.

For me, finishing my bachelor's while we were married wasn't that big of a deal. Since I was a senior and I had way more credits than needed, I planned my schedule so that I only had to go to school T/Th. It was so much easier than it is now, even! Grad school, on the other hand, was tough but we made it work.

Pesapenny · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_school-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:684Discussion:b137b0f0-e8ca-4229-9051-5214cce1d3abPost:8b018a41-7915-4480-bbdd-7ff21c070f38">School While Married?</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance and I are hoping to get married sometime in 2012; we don't have a definite date set yet. My biggest concern is school. He will be done with school by this point and have his degree, but I will have a year or less to go before I can get my degree. We really want to get married in 2012 (we just don't want to wait another year!), but I'm wondering if going to school while being a newlywed is simply too much? I suppose that in the end it depends on how I can handle it, but I'm wondering if anyone else has done the same and how it worked for them?
Posted by Jordyana[/QUOTE]

Really? You can't be a wife and a student at the same time? I don't understand why you think this is "too much"

MrsRowe18 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_school-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:684Discussion:b137b0f0-e8ca-4229-9051-5214cce1d3abPost:360f51be-b196-425d-ae20-1939f2f1c250">Re: School While Married?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to School While Married? : Really? You can't be a wife and a student at the same time? I don't understand why you think this is "too much"
Posted by Pesapenny[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>She was asking for an answer, not a question.</div><div>
</div><div>I understand your concern. I just started college the beginning of this month, and already I understand how hard it is trying to spend time with your family and worry about schoolwork. You can do it. It will take work and patience, but if you want it bad enough then you will make it work.</div>

Jordyana · December 2010

"Really? You can't be a wife and a student at the same time? I don't understand why you think this is "too much" "

Sorry, but that just sounded a little rude to me. I'll be 22, nearly 23 by the time I get married and my family has concerns about me finishing college. They want me to wait until after I finish college first. That's why I was asking. I don't think it'll be "too much" but I wanted to know what other people thought since my family keeps telling me that it will be.

College is their major concern - I'll be the first in my family to get a degree and no one wants me to mess this up, I guess. I've been doing good so far but they worry that marriage might distract me or something. It was a simple question, really.

DramaGeek · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_school-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:684Discussion:b137b0f0-e8ca-4229-9051-5214cce1d3abPost:12bd8c8d-c4de-4cb3-bfeb-07cc1fe66813">Re: School While Married?</a>:
[QUOTE]"Really? You can't be a wife and a student at the same time? I don't understand why you think this is "too much" " Sorry, but that just sounded a little rude to me. I'll be 22, nearly 23 by the time I get married and my family has concerns about me finishing college. They want me to wait until after I finish college first. That's why I was asking. I don't think it'll be "too much" but I wanted to know what other people thought since my family keeps telling me that it will be. College is their major concern - I'll be the first in my family to get a degree and no one wants me to mess this up, I guess.<strong> I've been doing good so far but they worry that marriage might distract me or something.</strong> It was a simple question, really.
Posted by Jordyana[/QUOTE]

Have you had problems with being distracted by your fiance to this point? Our situation is probably different, because we were 75 minutes apart before we were married, but I found it easier after we got married quite honestly. Beforehand we were trying to coordinate schedules and one of us had to drive to the other and it was a big hassle. Afterward, I would go to bed around 10 and then get up at 1 am when he got home to be with him for a bit before we both went to bed. It was so much easier than him having to drive down to see me after getting off work at 1, or me coming up and hanging out at his place while waiting for him to get off work.

aleighk1 · December 2010

We are getting married May 2012 and I am graduating May 2013. We already live together and pay bills together so the only thing that I expect to change will be my last name. I don't think life will be any harder being married and going to school at the same time.

Jordyana · December 2010

No, I have not been distracted by my fiance. If anything, he has helped me get through school by constantly encouraging me and helping me out when I need it. Not finishing college has NEVER been an option for me and I fully intend getting my degree. My fiance has been with me through some tough times and has always been helpful, not a problem. I work very hard at school and have always gotten good grades.

For some reason, everyone just tells me to wait until after I get my degree. I honestly don't know why exactly. They insist that it will be harder to be in school once I'm married. I know some people in my classes who are married and still attending school, but none of my friends are married so I don't know what it's like. I was just wondering if they had a valid point or not.

Also, we wont' be living together until we get married. Maybe they're worried that the stress of living together for the first time and finishing school would be too much? Like I said, I honestly don't know why they said that.

jennyp08 · December 2010

Some people may think that you'll end up getting married, having a baby, and not finishing school. It happens sometimes.

For me, I knew I wanted to finish undergrad before getting. I wanted to finish school, and have no one but myself to consider when planning my future career and looking for opportunties. Studying abroad, working in DC for a semester, or simply going on extended trips with your girls--sometimes those things are more difficult to do when you have a responsibility to pay half the bills for the house, or to help support the household, etc. It really all depends on your relationship with FI.

I met FI right before I graduated, and we're geting married in just over 2 months--and then 2 months later I graduate from law school. I didn't miss out on anything from my law school experience, and he helped keep me focused, rather than distracted me. I had my fun single days during undergrad, and during law school I still made new friendships and did my own thing, had a social life. I just incorporated FI into it all.

GJones27 · December 2010

I understand your concern. I'll be in my first year of law school, and my future husband will be in his second year of business school, during our first year of marriage. We don't believe in living together before marriage, so it will certainly be stressful at times adjusting to things like cleaning, shopping, finances, etc. But there will be lots of positive things to counterbalance that hopefully. You may wish to consider getting married in May and having the summer to adjust living together. I think my FI and I may do that once married.

And you're totally justified in having some concerns, so don't let others discount your fears. My parents struggled with finances in the first year, and they're still married after 27 years. My FI's parents struggled with finances too, and they're still married after 28 years. Our priest even mentioned to us that the first year is hard for most couples if you've had a very traditional relationship beforehand (meaning, not living together or sleeping together). But people get through it. :-)

JCM10 · December 2010

My FI and I are waiting until he graduates from undergrad to get married--but I'll be in grad school for a semester (married Jan 2012, graduating May 2012) after we marry. I think most of the concern with getting married before you're out of school is money. If you're a student, who is paying the bills? My grad program allows me to work full-time, which I've been doing since I graduated in May 2010...so we'll have a bit of savings, no student loans, and one of us in an established job when my fiance graduates in December 2011, a month before our wedding. I've never quite understood how people get by when one/both of them are in school when they are married...

orangecrush32 · December 2010

The only reason being married while in school might be stressful is because of the transition of living together or finances. I think that it is very doable and it works out for many people, others it doesn't. Personally, me and my bf have made the decision to not get engaged until after I graduate in May so there isn't any distraction for me (yeah right, I'm not TK already aren't I? haha). If you guys have discussed this and think you can do it, I say go for it. But if you're worried, there's nothing wrong with waiting until you graduate.

bballgirl8789 · December 2010

My FI is not in school but I am a senior and will graduate in May. He proposed to me this past January the 2nd semester of my junior year. We had chatted about marriage before and decided that we wanted to get married after I graduated. We knew that my work-load my senior year was going to be really difficult, because I have been having to play catch-up to graduate on time since I changed my major a few times, but I am graduating on time, thank goodness

We also decided to wait till after I graduated, because 2 of my friends got married while in college and one became pregnant shortly after and dropped out with one semester left to go. It's been 2 1/2 years since then and she still hasn't finished college. The other girl failed out of school twice now. But I do know of some couples who have done it, so it all depends on the couple. I know for us, it would've been really difficult for me to finish school if we were married, because of my tough courseload and I would want to spend time with FI and not focus on schoolwork, but that is me. Good luck figuring it out though

jlrowell · December 2010

I'm in the exact situation as you. My FI will graduate 1 semester after were married in May 2012. Our biggest concern is finances, but he has a pretty good job and his grandmother has a bond for him, which will help for the last semester. I know I don't want children, and I think that's why my family is so concerned. They don't want me to have children before I graduate and then never finish, but I don't want that either lol. I know my mother is very worried about us suppporting ourselves financially, but when we plan to be married, we will have been together for 5 years! That is sooo long, at least for me, just waiting to be married. But I think our families biggest concerns are children and finances.

kristinrotondo · December 2010

Being married shouldn't affect it. Motivation is motivation, and it sounds like you have that. I'm finishing up a Master's while wedding planning and with a one-year-old son. Good luck, and congrats on the engagement!

bethy04 · December 2010

It will be fine. My FI is my number one supporter while I'm in school. He knows what homework can be like and is very helpful around our home while I'm trying to balance everything. As long as he values your education as much as you do he won't mind weekends full of homework and doing all the laundry. I think it would be harder for me to balance school and work on my own!

ReebokJ · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_school-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:684Discussion:b137b0f0-e8ca-4229-9051-5214cce1d3abPost:45c8bf25-ad33-4e19-b0d0-18b527f4fe2f">Re: School While Married?</a>:
[QUOTE]Being married shouldn't affect it. Motivation is motivation, and it sounds like you have that. I'm finishing up a Master's while wedding planning and with a one-year-old son. Good luck, and congrats on the engagement!
Posted by kristinrotondo[/QUOTE]

<div>*Applause* Kristinrotondo, you have my deepest respect, and I completely agree.</div>

kristinrotondo · April 2011

Reebok - thanks for the kudos! Very appreciated.

OP - I hope everything's working out for you.

birdie1020 · April 2011

I think one other thing to consider is the impact of your marriage on your friendships. My fiance and I have been in a long distance relationship since Fall 2008, when I started college, and while I miss him terribly when I'm away it has made it so much easier to balance my schoolwork and my social life. I love my friends and I wouldn't get to spend as much time with them as I do if he was here with me!

Of course, this is another thing that you can ABSOLUTELY manage. I don't know if you have a close group of friends at your school, but if you do, you might want to consider how you will balance your time between work, husband, and them. You wouldn't want to lose them because of your marriage. If not, I agree with everyone else - the finances might be tough, but a lot of people who wait until after school have the same problem! You can do it!

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