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Just Engaged and Proposals
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Newly Engaged

xxCortniexxxxCortniexx member
First Comment
in Just Engaged and Proposals
Hi so the names Cortnie and I am 21. I went into a bridal shop today with my finacee and I just looked around like wow, they gave me this site to try out so here I am =). Well I guess I am on here because I don't really know what kind of wedding I should I have... To start off with I am currently married but getting a divorce, I was in love and married him than he changed and became very controlling but I delt. Finally I got fed up and he beat me up so I ended it for good. Than I met a new guy and he's great we get along good and plan on getting married by hopefully 2014. Well if there's any advice out there would love feedback... Goodnight be back tomorrow
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Re: Newly Engaged

  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Glad you got out of a bad situation. 

    Congrats and happy planning!
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  • cwaggoner07cwaggoner07 member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    Cortnie - How old were you when you were married the first time?

    It sounds like you are in a good situation now, but take things slow and just enjoy your freedom for a bit before getting married (which sounds like the case if you're planning a 2014 wedding).
    Good luck to you both.
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  • xxCortniexxxxCortniexx member
    First Comment
    Thanks both for the feedback and yes I'm happy too =). Btw I was 20 the first time, I don't regret at all because it made me learn. I'm sure this time is deff. the one and a forever after ;). Anything else just ask...
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  • thejucheideathejucheidea member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_newly-engaged-51?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:1877f734-c3b3-4a6c-99a3-b4d28c98f957Post:b8989f22-373a-44dd-8072-013381be8508">Re: Newly Engaged</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks both for the feedback and yes I'm happy too =). Btw I was 20 the first time, I don't regret at all because it made me learn. I'm sure this time is deff. the one and a forever after ;). Anything else just ask...
    Posted by xxCortniexx[/QUOTE]
    Wait... you were married for less than a year, are currently getting a divorce and are now recently engaged? I think you need to step back and see if this is a good idea, because you are moving on way too quickly. Can't you just date someone for awhile or enjoy some time solo?

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  • JBSMADA10JBSMADA10 member
    100 Comments First Anniversary
    I think you should be single right now.... I mean it seems you  have some insecurities in being alone. Maybe you should be single for a year, I mean get your divorce finalized before you bed with another. Even if you've filed for divorce until its finalized, I'd still consider that cheating. Also, you are young! Way too young to be married twice! get some counseling. And maybe backtrack your current relationship to friends. That's what is healthiest for you at the moment.
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  • Annas2013Annas2013 member
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    I'm going to agree with everyone else on this. You really should take a step back and at least wait until the divorce is finalized before doing anything like planning your second wedding.  Especially at 21.  There's nothing wrong, to me, with getting married young.  I'm sorry the first time didn't work out, but you are definitely rushing into the second time.

    Slow down.  Take your time and don't rush into the second marriage.  I have a feeling you wouldn't want to be twice divorced by 25.  If this really is a good relationship, it will still be there after your divorce is finalized.  
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  • xxCortniexxxxCortniexx member
    First Comment
    Well I still look at us as boyfriend and girlfriend even though were are engaged and me I wanna wait but my fiancee wants us to start our life. I wanted to get married again in 4 years, time for us to learn everything about one another and be serious. He wants me to go to the courthouse next week, file for divorce, than one week after it is finalized get remarried by a JP to him and than plan our big wedding. Sometimes I wonder if I am making the best decision at this moment but I do love him and plan on staying by his side forever. I do have some issues being alone but I lost my mother at a young age and than my dad basically ignored me for a few years even though we lived together. I always felt alone and when I'm happy I wanna stay happy and never lose it.
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  • thejucheideathejucheidea member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_newly-engaged-51?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:1877f734-c3b3-4a6c-99a3-b4d28c98f957Post:e1327a56-c58b-4254-a405-7abe405ac4ad">Re: Newly Engaged</a>:
    [QUOTE]Well I still look at us as boyfriend and girlfriend even though were are engaged and me I wanna wait but my fiancee wants us to start our life. I wanted to get married again in 4 years, time for us to learn everything about one another and be serious. He wants me to go to the courthouse next week, file for divorce, than one week after it is finalized get remarried by a JP to him and than plan our big wedding. <strong>Sometimes I wonder if I am making the best decision at this moment</strong> but I do love him and plan on staying by his side forever. I do have some issues being alone but <strong>I lost my mother at a young age and than my dad basically ignored me for a few years </strong>even though we lived together.<strong> I always felt alone </strong>and when I'm happy I wanna stay happy and never lose it.
    Posted by xxCortniexx[/QUOTE]
    You need counseling. You very obviously have some major issues that need to be addressed.

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  • AngiewyAngiewy member
    Second Anniversary 10 Comments
    I agree with ahstillwell.  A good counselor will tell you that for every month you are with someone, you need at least two months to get over them.
    My personal experience: I had a rough childhood as well.  I dated several abusive men in a row.  After realizing what I was doing to myself (courtesy of great therapy) I took a year off of dating.  I then dated someone who was also abusive for a few months.  After getting myself out of that one, I waited another 7 months before I even considered dating again.  It was the best time of my life, reflecting on what I wanted, needed.  I am now in a wonderful relationship, but it took work to get there. 

    My point is, take care of yourself.  Get the help you need first.  He's pushing you for a lot of things that you admit you don't want right now.
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  • JBSMADA10JBSMADA10 member
    100 Comments First Anniversary
    If he "truly" loves you, he wouldn't dare push you into a situation that you find uncomfortable. I think you're going from physically abusive to a mentally abusive relationship. And reading your other thread or this one, you mentioned he has a bad history. While I find that sometimes those men and women can change. Most stay the bad seed they've grown up in. I suggest you get a councelor that specializes in loss and abuse. And I also suggest that you maintain a level self before diving head first into the shallow end again. Because it seems to me that you'll be twice divorced before 25. And honestly, thats not a life that anyone should ever have. Point being, leave the man your with to focus on yourself. You don't sound like you love yourself and you truly can't love someone else till you love and accept yourself first. 
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  • xxCortniexxxxCortniexx member
    First Comment
    edited December 2012
    I appreciate every single one of yu woman that have commented on my post. Yu have all made me see I really am NOT ready for this and I do not wanna get married again atleast not right now. He is abusing me mentally and I realized it today by talking to some of my family about it. I know it will be hard to leave him but if I don't I am breaking myself more and more. Thank yu all very much, umm I guess idk if I will still be able to stay on this site now that I'm not gonna get married. How could I keep in touch and remain friends, maybe learn more advice? Thanks again <3 Merry Christmas
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  • rajahmdrajahmd member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    Please feel free to stay here and chat. Leaving won't be easy, and we can definitely be here to support you. Glad you've taken the advice above to heart and are putting yourself first. Good luck and best wishes!
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  • xxCortniexxxxCortniexx member
    First Comment
    I will stay thank yu so much...
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