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Dueling Bridesmaids...

DJTraceyDDJTraceyD
First Comment
in Second Weddings
True Story, anyone got a couple of banjos here to start going...

2 of my bridesmaids are going through a major duel right now, and I really don't know how to handle it.

Both of these girls have been very close friends of mine for years, one since my divorce, and one since high school...all three of us are very close and were very tight...

However, over Labor Day weekend, when my FI and I were in Kentucky (1000 miles away) visiting my family and introducing him to the majority of my family (which went amazing and I'm sooooo happy about that) something happened, I'm not even sure what happened, all i know is one girl called out the other girl's boss due to catching him having an affair or lying or something (they were all pretty good friends), and somehow he got arrested (Nothing to do with the situation he had a contempt of court warrant for non payment) and somehow the bridesmaid that worked for him, decided it was the other maid who got him arrested, and got a no contact order against her....

I'm thinking there is something more going on here I don't know, and they don't want to tell, cause from what I understand the boss was arrested in a traffic stop and had nothing to do with either girl...the other girl quit her job with that boss due to dishonesty, not getting paid, and checks bouncing when she did get a check.  So he's kinda out of the picture...(told ya things hit the fan), but i'm getting the feeling i'm not getting the whole story, something else had to have happened for cops to be called over...

Now, we just picked out our bridesmaid dresses and really going hardcore into planning and bonding as bridesmaids...and they can't have any contact with eachother, which is putting a lot of stress on all of us a group.  Let alone if this doesn't get worked out, how are they going to be able to be in the same room together for the wedding...I love both girls like sisters, and I can't picture having to kick either one of them out due to this, its just not fair, but the drama is rediculous and I don't know how to approach this on either one of them...Any suggestions at all...right now if it wasn't for my MOH and FI I'd prolly be going nuts...lots of stress in my place right now...just wedding, organizations we belong to and changes at work, i could be flying off the handle too
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Re: Dueling Bridesmaids...

  • arv266arv266
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My suggestion is that you take the fact that they are your BM's out of the equation.  Something has happened between the two of them that has nothing at all to do with your wedding.  Treat it as such.  Its a different outlook when you think your two best friends are hurting, versus my two BM will not be able to stand each other at my wedding.... Wedding planning tends to make us crazy. 

    Help them deal with it, but not because you want everyone to get along at your wedding, but because they are your best friends.  I'd give them both a few days to settle down before making an attempt to see what the other issues are.  The sad part is, you might not be able to help them sort it out.  I wouldnt ask either of them to step down, and I would not allow myself to take one persons side over the other.  Only time is going to tell how this works itself out. 
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  • MikesAngieMikesAngie member
    Name Dropper 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree with arv... take the fact that they are your BM's out of the equation.  Instead talk with them and see if they can resolve their issue or if something between them just went to far.

    It almost sounds like one of your ladies was perhaps more involved with the boss than she let on?  But I don't know them or the situation that led to this mess.

    Hopefully this is a situation that can be resolved and the restraining order lifted.
     
    Although my experience with restraining orders is that there has to be just cause to have one served and be enforceable. Usually both have to appear in court and state their cases and a judge decides if there is just cause to further enforce the no contact order (restraining order).  Usually there has to be bodily harm or the threat of bodily harm, or continued harassment before the the initial temporary order would have been signed by a judge and served and then a court appearance by both parties to make it permanent.
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  • Sue-n-KevinSue-n-Kevin member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer First Comment
    edited December 2011

    Wow, you weren't kidding when you said "get out the banjos", LOL.


    I agree with the prior posters. I peeked at your bio and see your wedding is in May. PLENTY of time for things to sort themselves out. Stay off their facebook, don't comment on anything, and let them sort this out. One of the best things I've learned in my life is "Be Switzerland".........the Swiss don't get involved in wars, they are neutral. You can be an avid listener when it comes to either BM, but stay away from giving advice to either lest you be accused of favoritism.


    Sorry to hear you are going through this. Stay objective....YOUR objective is your wedding.

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  • right1thistimeright1thistime member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    If these two ladies matter to you both equally, and you come to the point of having to eliminate one - I would eliminate both.  ~Donna
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  • arv266arv266
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    If these two ladies matter to you both equally, and you come to the point of having to eliminate one - I would eliminate both.  ~Donna

    Donna is so wise!!!!!!!  An excellent tidbit of advice!
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  • prusgirlprusgirl member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I LOVE Donna's idea (I second and third it).  And here's why...I was a MOH and the matron and I did NOT like each other.

    We knew each other for YEARS AND YEARS.  And she always irritated me but because of our mutual friend, I kept silent.  A silence that was killing me because of the type of person she was...IS. 

    For years no one could understand why I didn't like her.  But, I knew why she didn't like me -- jealousy.  We met her in college, we finished she didn't. 

    When our friend got married -- it EXPLODED.  All the things I hated about her became magnified.  And then she planned the shower.  Let's just say 'recipe for disaster.'

    And we ended up sweeping the freaking bride into it!  Well, the other friend being who she is put the bride in such a bad state of affairs; she and the bride are no longer friends.  I was in the wedding.  But, I still felt sad for the bride.  That was her friend and they meant a lot to one another.  I'm sure the bride would have wanted to be there when the girl had a baby and I'm sure the friend wanted to be at the wedding.

    Now if you are NOT bored with this post here's some details.

    I didn't like the girl because she is a USER and her insecurity causes her to be condescending.  She loves boasting about which celebrity she worked for or with.  She bragged all the time.  If we were together, my eyes would roll.  Why?  Because, I worked in sports and with a music magazine.  She was NEVER at any of these parties.  And on the rare occasion she was there, she was working.  I on the other hand would be an invited guest.  So it pissed her off.  

    She always liked to tell you about the latest and greatest restaurant.  "Invite" you and then want you to split the check!  Meanwhile, you had a $10 meal and she had a $150 meal.  I would never want to go anywhere with her.

    When she had her wedding...YOU PAID FOR IT!  But, she gloated the whole time on how she wheeled and dealed her wedding.  It was a destination wedding and her trip was free - she had hundreds of people.  I did not attend.  

    For her wedding our mutual friend was the  MOH.  She took her to the cleaners! She dictated the type of shower she wanted.  It had to be at a nightclub, she wanted a make-up artist, a station to sell jewelry and she wanted us to go to a karaoke club afterwards!  My friend was blindsided by the tab -- her guests refused to drink the signature drinks.  Bar tab was an additional $1,000.  I offered to split the bill with my friend - because she's my friend. My friend probably spent $4,000 for the night. (NYC affair)

    Our friend was to have a bridal shower; the Matron planned it.  Leaving me totally out of it -- never discussing a budget.  She approaches me about the shower.  She refused to tell me how much I was to contribute.   So, I said -- I'll give you XXX.  She wrote me the nastiest e-mail.  Essentially, she was looking to me to pay for this!  And when I called her out, she went off on me.  I called the bride and said I'M OUT!!! I will not be spoken to like that! The bride begged me to stay.

    This woman was preggers at the time of all this. She found the time and energy to put forth her usual scam.  She made our friend "plan" her baby shower.  Plan is in quotes, the Matron planned her shower - another pricey affair and she wanted the bride to pay.  My friend said 'hey I'm getting married I can't afford this.' Well, the other girl cursed her out and their friendship ended. 
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