Who pays for bridal shower?? Frustrated :(

Miss GS · April 2011

Im over it. I feel stressd out enough planning my wedding, yet I feel like Im now planning my own bridal shower. I know its rude to expect people to pay for your shower, but I have 2 MOH and they both spend money like crazy. My fiance and I are on a strict budget and now I am trying to find ways to pay for this shower. Should I expect some help financially, or am i completely in left field? Sometimes I feel like I shouldnt have a shower, I guess i just expected my girls to step up to the plate, like I do for them. Venting sorry, need advice.

trix1223 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_pays-bridal-shower-frustrated?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:769780f0-f9df-4222-9c65-2622850c56bdPost:99ebee7a-96df-47d3-8d48-3646e21827a0">Who pays for bridal shower?? Frustrated :(</a>:
[QUOTE]Im over it. I feel stressd out enough planning my wedding, yet I feel like Im now planning my own bridal shower. I know its rude to expect people to pay for your shower, but I have 2 MOH and they both spend money like crazy. My fiance and I are on a strict budget and now I am trying to find ways to pay for this shower. Should I expect some help financially, or am i completely in left field? <strong>Sometimes I feel like I shouldnt have a shower, </strong>I guess i just expected my girls to step up to the plate, like I do for them. Venting sorry, need advice.
Posted by Miss GS[/QUOTE]

Ding, ding, ding!! That's the winning statement. If no one offers to throw you a shower, you don't have one. You don't throw your own shower, and you don't ask anyone for "help financially".

Whether you have a shower or not, at the end of the ceremony, you'll still be married.

But hey, good luck to you.

MairePoppy · April 2011

ditto pps. You shouldn't plan your own shower.

Plus, your wedding isn't until August. It doesn't take that long to plan a simple shower. If your friends want to do this for you, there is plenty of time.

Fallingwater123 · April 2011

I got a fb message that my portion of the bridal shower will be 100 bucks. I had no clue about this expectation. I figured I would contact the maid of honor and chip in 50 bucks. I don't think it's necessary to invite that many people. We had only about 35 at mine. She is saying about 80 people at 13 bucks a pop. Wth? Kinda blindsided, the next time I get asked to be in a wedding I will politely decline. I just feel I'm being put in a bad position. I'm going to have to cut back somewhere. Might be my gift, yikes!

deepcovejackie · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_pays-bridal-shower-frustrated?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:769780f0-f9df-4222-9c65-2622850c56bdPost:9b775932-cd85-46bd-84d4-1844d122e661">Re: Who pays for bridal shower?? Frustrated :(</a>:
[QUOTE]I got a fb message that my portion of the bridal shower will be 100 bucks. I had no clue about this expectation. I figured I would contact the maid of honor and chip in 50 bucks. I don't think it's necessary to invite that many people. We had only about 35 at mine. She is saying about 80 people at 13 bucks a pop. Wth? Kinda blindsided, the next time I get asked to be in a wedding I will politely decline. I just feel I'm being put in a bad position. I'm going to have to cut back somewhere. Might be my gift, yikes!
Posted by Fallingwater123[/QUOTE]

If you weren't asked your budget at the beginning, you're not obligated to produce $100 just because someone says you have to. Just write a polite note back saying that $100 is out of your budget, but here's $50.

OP, You need to calm down. Reallynow. There's lots of time until your wedding.

ETA: Oops, and good luck.

Fallingwater123 · April 2011

Good idea about the note Jackie, that's what I'll be doing. Even my husband thought it was extremely rude for her to do that. I had figured that the brides mom, aunts and whomever else would be taking care of it. Noone ever mentioned before tonight that we were expected to throw her a shower. That and the bride is the one who sent the message. I feel like the maid of honor should have contacted us individually and asked if we would like to go in on it, and then gone from there. It just really bothers me, oh well I have been really good friends with her fiancé for over 13 years, and he was in our wedding. I won't lose a friend over this 100 bucks. But other brides take note, sending a facebook message is extremely rude, telling people what they need to pay, without prior knowledge of the expectation of a shower. I hope she doesn't plan on a full out bachlorette party. That might throw me over the edge, lol

disturbedkitty · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_pays-bridal-shower-frustrated?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:769780f0-f9df-4222-9c65-2622850c56bdPost:b53f20a9-2214-46cb-a3ba-e97e4e5d5a9e">Re: Who pays for bridal shower?? Frustrated :(</a>:
[QUOTE]Good idea about the note Jackie, that's what I'll be doing. Even my husband thought it was extremely rude for her to do that. I had figured that the brides mom, aunts and whomever else would be taking care of it. Noone ever mentioned before tonight that we were expected to throw her a shower. That and the bride is the one who sent the message. I feel like the maid of honor should have contacted us individually and asked if we would like to go in on it, and then gone from there. It just really bothers me, oh well I have been really good friends with her fiancé for over 13 years, and he was in our wedding. I won't lose a friend over this 100 bucks. <strong>But other brides take note, sending a facebook message is extremely rude, telling people what they need to pay, </strong>without prior knowledge of the expectation of a shower. I hope she doesn't plan on a full out bachlorette party. That might throw me over the edge, lol
Posted by Fallingwater123[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>It is very rude for a bride to send a facebook message telling people what they need to pay (facebook messages in general are not rude). The MOH should have discussed this with you in person. I'm sorry that this is happening to you. Just tell her that it is out of your budget. IMO, a kind bride asks her BMs what their budget is for dresses, and a good MOH asks the BMs what their budget is for things like the shower (BEFORE she decides on any other shower details). People should never try to get things for a party without deciding on a clear budget first. If multiple people are paying, that means everyone needs to decide what they will chip in <em>before</em> the MOH starts booking venues, hiring caterers, etc. Good luck.

</div>

MairePoppy · April 2011

Falingwater-that bride was very rude. She should not be handling her own shower arrangements. And you are not obligated to pay for a party that someone else planned.

You could think of this shower contribution as your wedding gift. Or send a gift later, when it's in your budget.

Good luck

kgorman307 · April 2011

fallingwater - this JUST happened to me too (asking for $110 plus they knew I couldn't attend) - but it was an email from a bridesmaid, not my wonderful friend the bride. So I sucked it up and paid it, for her because she had no idea her friends are bridesmaidzillas.

If a bride had sent it, I would have really lost it.

OP - you don't plan your own shower. You don't pay for your own shower. Drop any plans you've made and if someone steps up and throws one for you, appreciate it.

bride2beLC · April 2011

not sure when your wedding is, but i bought my MOH a book for x-mas, you could totally do the same! she started reading it and was SHOCKED at all she was resposible for, i mean come on- you think your best freinds get married dveryday? its new to everyone.... maybe even give her a hint that you were wondering when they would be holding a shower? if they still act cluless then maybe you shouldnt have one?

i think its rude for all these other girls to just tell you not to have one, its not being rude to flat out tell or ask your MOH's for a shower. its YOUR day.

hope it helps! good luck doll xo

trix1223 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_pays-bridal-shower-frustrated?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:769780f0-f9df-4222-9c65-2622850c56bdPost:6d61995c-2d38-4f5f-95be-6f7b3482011c">Re: Who pays for bridal shower?? Frustrated :(</a>:
[QUOTE]not sure when your wedding is, but i bought my MOH a book for x-mas, <strong>Please tell me it wasn't a MOH "Duties" book. Please, please, please tell me you didn't do that.</strong>

you could totally do the same! she started reading it and was SHOCKED at all she was resposible for,<strong> She IS NOT responsible for ANYTHING other than getting her dress, walking down the aisle, holding your flowers, and smiling for photos. Anything else that she CHOOSES to do is above and beyond her "duties". Those books and lists are written by people determined to separate brides and grooms from their $$. And sadly, they do far too good a job.
</strong>
i mean come on- you think your best freinds get married dveryday? its new to everyone.... maybe even give her a hint that you were wondering when they would be holding a shower? <strong>NO NO NO NO NO!!! Do not "hint" about when they're holding a shower. Again, see above. They are not at all required to hold a shower, and hinting around is really rude.</strong>

if they still act cluless then maybe you shouldnt have one? i think its rude for all these other girls to just tell you not to have one, its not being rude to flat out tell or ask your MOH's for a shower.<strong> ::Slams head into desk:</strong>:

its YOUR day.<strong>Getting married does not give one license to treat friends and family badly or rudely. It does not give one license to expect people to spend their hard earned money on you. If you want your wedding to be YOUR DAY then you and your FI need to elope. Because the second you involve other people, it ceases to be just "your" day.
</strong>
hope it helps! <strong>OP: Please disregard this post as it is just filled with codswallop, poppycock, folly, and twaddle. </strong> good luck doll xo
Posted by bride2beLC[/QUOTE]

But hey bride2beLC: a very hearty good luck to you!

bride2beLC · April 2011

get of this site. your wedding is over. im sure you hvae nothing to do with your miserable life but to be rude and mean to girls trying to plan a wedding. just becasue im sure your wedding was terrible and you WISH you had an amazing wedding like all of us other brides are trying to have, doesnt mean you need to rain on everyones parade. NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOUR NEGATIVE POINT OF VIEW ON EVERYTHING. go away!

nda_roxybabe · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_pays-bridal-shower-frustrated?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:769780f0-f9df-4222-9c65-2622850c56bdPost:90c66bae-e29b-43b0-8348-27b1fd51eb30">Re: Who pays for bridal shower?? Frustrated :(</a>:
[QUOTE]get of this site. your wedding is over. im sure you hvae nothing to do with your miserable life but to be rude and mean to girls trying to plan a wedding. just becasue im sure your wedding was terrible and you WISH you had an amazing wedding like all of us other brides are trying to have, doesnt mean you need to rain on everyones parade. NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOUR NEGATIVE POINT OF VIEW ON EVERYTHING. go away!
Posted by bride2beLC[/QUOTE]

Wow. Defensive much? I happen to love Trix's advice.

StacyJenniges · April 2011

Where I come from alot of times it's an aunt or mom or sister who throws the shower and the BM and MOH are just guests.

I would be sad if someone didn't want to throw me a shower, and I would probably cry about it, but i would feel even worse if I had a pitty shower thrown for me.

My advise to you is to just forget about the shower, don't talk about a shower, and you know maybe someone like I mentioned above will throw you a shower.

StacyJenniges · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_pays-bridal-shower-frustrated?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:769780f0-f9df-4222-9c65-2622850c56bdPost:9b775932-cd85-46bd-84d4-1844d122e661">Re: Who pays for bridal shower?? Frustrated :(</a>:
[QUOTE]I got a fb message that my portion of the bridal shower will be 100 bucks. I had no clue about this expectation. I figured I would contact the maid of honor and chip in 50 bucks. I don't think it's necessary to invite that many people. We had only about 35 at mine. She is saying about 80 people at 13 bucks a pop. Wth? Kinda blindsided, the next time I get asked to be in a wedding I will politely decline. I just feel I'm being put in a bad position. I'm going to have to cut back somewhere. Might be my gift, yikes!
Posted by Fallingwater123[/QUOTE]

Can I ask what kind of shower is being held? I saw another girl who was responsible for $150. the showers I have been too have been coffee, some kind of homemaid desert, and either salads, or some kind of sandwich, all which is made by someone. I cann't imagine that costing more than $100 or $200 total.

But then I am from a small town so we may just do things differently.

Who pays for bridal shower?? Frustrated :(

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