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MOH flip-flopping on bachelorette party...after invites went out!

mikeynkrib2011mikeynkrib2011 member
100 Comments
in Pre-wedding Parties
So, my MOH is the type of person who would rather not do wedding related activities.  She doesn't call to ask questions, she didn't go dress shopping with me, she commented that she didn't like my dress, and she is def not all about the bach party or bridal shower.

As much as this disappoints me, I've never asked anything of her.  One of my BM's offered to plan my bach party knowing that the MOH was not going to.  She asked my MOH if it was ok, and my MOH happiliy agreed, offered to help pay for it as long as she didn't have to plan it.

Well, the details have been set, the reservations for dinner made, the limo booked and all the expenses divided between the two BM's and my MOH.  Invitations went out a month ago and now people are responding.

So, after agreeing to everything, my MOH is now stating she no longer wants to pay because she bought a house and doesn't want to spend the money.  Problem is, plans were made depending upon her involvement.  She's backing out last minute, causing my two other BM's to cover her portion of the expenses.

The thing that makes me mad is she bought her house Oct. 30th......invites went out Dec. 1 and the bach party is two weeks away.  We wouldn't have gotten a limo or booked the other places if we knew she wasn't planning on contributing her portion!!!

I'm annoyed she's backing out and basically screwing the two other girls.  My mom is being so incredibly grateful and helping my BM's pay for what my MOH is now backing out on, so I owe her big time!!!! 

But seriously, WTF???
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Re: MOH flip-flopping on bachelorette party...after invites went out!

  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited December 2011
    Seriously, why do you know this? This is a party for you. No one should be telling you who is paying for which things. If your MOH backed out of a verbal agreement it isn't cool but it's also way out of line for your BMs or mom to get you involved. Stay out of it.
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  • mikeynkrib2011mikeynkrib2011 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_moh-flip-flopping-bachelorette-partyafter-invites-went-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:c05e0cff-1b61-4466-bdd6-f54fc927fbcePost:e334d0ed-fd26-4407-885c-c2ce9b6cc6d0">Re: MOH flip-flopping on bachelorette party...after invites went out!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Seriously, why do you know this? This is a party for you. No one should be telling you who is paying for which things.<strong> If your MOH backed out of a verbal agreement it isn't cool but it's also way out of line for your BMs or mom to get you involved. Stay out of it.
    </strong>Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

    I agree, I was just voicing that I was frustrated.  My MOH called to say she would not be participating and she wanted to tell me directly.  That sparked a whole other conversation with her that involved me telling her that she needs to tell the other girls planning it so they can adjust how to plan for things considering it's two weeks away.

    My only involvement with the b-party was letting the girls know that I didn't want it to be a huge cost for guests and that's only because they asked if i had any preferences.  The three of them let me know that they were taking responsibility for the costs, so not to worry about it.

    So, that said, when my MOH called to back out I knew she was putting the other two girls in a tight spot.  And the reason I know what we are doing and that a limo was booked was because the invites went out, and of course i got one.

    Needless to say, this whole situation annoyed me, I called my mom to vent, and she offered to talk to my BM's and help out.  Other than that, I'm out of the circle of involvement because well, I should be!   I just couldn't believe that it happened so close to the event and it really made me feel for the other girls.
    Anniversary
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  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited December 2011
    Gotcha. Is this like your MOH to do or is it possible that she's going through a tough financial time with the new house?
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  • palmettogirl924palmettogirl924
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I feel that because you shouldn't be planning or helping to plan the Bachlorette party- you should stay out of this and let the BM's decide what they want to do.

    If they need to scale back on things, go to a cheaper resturant, etc, then you let them make that decision. But really, you should stay out of all of it.
    Anniversary
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  • hmurphy27hmurphy27 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Why is this person your MOH if she's not involved, or doesn't want to be involved in any wedding activities? I'd reconsider her role in the wedding...
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  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_moh-flip-flopping-bachelorette-partyafter-invites-went-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:c05e0cff-1b61-4466-bdd6-f54fc927fbcePost:d27219e3-f9fd-4b59-a9ae-ea34a599aa2f">Re: MOH flip-flopping on bachelorette party...after invites went out!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Why is this person your MOH if she's not involved, or doesn't want to be involved in any wedding activities? I'd reconsider her role in the wedding...
    Posted by hmurphy27[/QUOTE]



    The role of MOH has nothing to do with how much she does for the wedding.
    Report Reply
  • palmettogirl924palmettogirl924
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_moh-flip-flopping-bachelorette-partyafter-invites-went-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:c05e0cff-1b61-4466-bdd6-f54fc927fbcePost:d27219e3-f9fd-4b59-a9ae-ea34a599aa2f">Re: MOH flip-flopping on bachelorette party...after invites went out!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Why is this person your MOH if she's not involved, or doesn't want to be involved in any wedding activities? I'd reconsider her role in the wedding...
    Posted by hmurphy27[/QUOTE]


    Please DO NOT  consider this posters advice. Your MOH doesn't have to do anything besides show up in her dress.
    Anniversary
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  • bellasonia99bellasonia99 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Weddings are a tough time for everyone, but the way you explained your MOH makes it seem like she doesnt want to be involved at all. I absolutely disagree with the above posting that all your MOH has to do is show up in a dress. the only one who should show up in a dress and do nothing is the flower girl. A MOH is just that, an Honor to be that person on your special day and before that day arrives she is supposed to help you.  You shouldnt be told what is going on, however maybe its a preview of your future with this "friend". Good Luck & have a great wedding!
    Report Reply
  • golden1215golden1215 member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_moh-flip-flopping-bachelorette-partyafter-invites-went-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:c05e0cff-1b61-4466-bdd6-f54fc927fbcePost:53793d74-7e44-4766-aaf0-cbe5addc4d8a">Re: MOH flip-flopping on bachelorette party...after invites went out!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Weddings are a tough time for everyone, but the way you explained your MOH makes it seem like she doesnt want to be involved at all. I absolutely disagree with the above posting that all your MOH has to do is show up in a dress. the only one who should show up in a dress and do nothing is the flower girl. <strong>A MOH is just that, an Honor to be that person on your special day and before that day arrives she is supposed to help you.</strong>  You shouldnt be told what is going on, however maybe its a preview of your future with this "friend". Good Luck & have a great wedding!
    Posted by bellasonia99[/QUOTE]

    Help you with what?  The OP is upset about a party, not upset because her MOH isnt doing something thats actually expected of her.... which would only be getting a dress and showing up to show her support of the wedding.

    When a MOH refuses to get a dress, that's when you can upset.  Aside from that, not much you can do.  Its sad her MOH backed out but, like PP said, what can you do?  Send her a collection notice?
    image
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  • mikeynkrib2011mikeynkrib2011 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_moh-flip-flopping-bachelorette-partyafter-invites-went-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:c05e0cff-1b61-4466-bdd6-f54fc927fbcePost:4ce96b3a-b927-420a-a6fc-1129c24b585f">Re: MOH flip-flopping on bachelorette party...after invites went out!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Gotcha. Is this like your MOH to do or <strong>is it possible that she's going through a tough financial time with the new house?
    </strong>Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

    that's what i thought too.  the girls dresses still haven't come in and when they do, the final half will be due.  i called her to see if she's having $$$ woes, because as it turns out me and FI will be able to front her portion of the dress if so.

    well, she got into talking about the b-party and said the reason she is backing out is because she disagrees with getting a limo and thinks its a waste of money.  she said, and I quote "i would have helped pay for everything, but now it's just a matter of principle".....even though she admits she confirmed it was all ok with her two months ago.  sigh.

    i basically told her to talk to BM's, because I can't get my head into all this and it's driving me nuts that i'm being involved. 
    Anniversary
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