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Demand much? a lil long :)

therockisblinding05therockisblinding05
Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments
in Florida-Central Florida
So MOH has been super MIA on all the shower/wedding stuff....I and the other BMs had to stay on top of her for every detail about both shower and bach and if FSIL hadn't stepped in, my shower would have been a disaster. I am really beginning to feel like she doesn't care about any of this.Now she has a crush on this guy who she used to work w/ for 2 years who is bbbbbbaaaaaddd news and he just moved 2 hours away from her to Orlando. Well Bach party is in O town and it is the weekend of his birthday. First, she told another BM that because she has $0 now, that she was just going to stay w/  "the boy", (we're having like 10-15 ppl in the hotel so the cost is going to minimal; she is just trying to make an excuse to see him) to which the other BM chewed her out saying that it was my weekend and I would want her to stay w/ her (I had no idea about this convo til after)

Now, after hunting her down about planning, she asked me if she could leave my party to go see him for a bit on his b-day. I could understand if they were dating but he knew her for 2 years before he moved and never made a move w/ her- he's NOT into her; they are just FRIENDS. But she wants to leave her best friend's only bach party for him. She is getting in town late Friday cause of work and the majority of ppl are coming from out of town so we're going to have a packed out girly Saturday- there won't be a ton of down time w/o her missing something. I don't see why I can't have one day w/ my BFF. In the past year, I've gone from seeing her 3 times a day in college to once every few months. Now she can't even give me all of one Saturday?

 When I asked her if she could see him another weekend, she said "no, I won't see him til June...." (party is at the end of May so WTF? it's only a few weeks). I never flat out said no because I don't wanna be bitchy at all, but I made it pretty clear that this was girl's weekend and every other bridemaid is seeing their boy later- certainly she can wait a few weeks to see her crush. She kept just giving me excuses like "well he doesn't know anyone here yet", or "he keeps asking me to hang out"... even though she knows I'm not ok w/ it. She knows how I feel about him personally and about her leaving and she's still pushing it.

I don't want to seem demanding, but I guess I just want my BFF to WANT to say "I'm so excited for you and this is your weekend for us girls to have fun and go crazy w/ you!". Instead, I'm getting no effort and a run away MOH. Part of me feels really hurt and part of me wonders if I'm being too demanding by wanting her to stay the whole day. I know I don't own the weekend, but it's been so hard to nail down any time w/ her or to talk about my needs w/ out it turning into something about her- all I want is ONE weekend. Thoughts?
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Re: Demand much? a lil long :)

  • AileeneGAileeneG member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I don't think it's demanding of you to want her to be there for the  whole thing. If they were more than just friends, I could maybe see that she has obligations or something, but even so, I would expect her to be there.  That being said, I also don't think you can really tell her what to do (which it sounds like you're not).  I would tell her that it's ultimately her decision, but that you really want her to be there for the whole thing, and that you'll be seriously disappointed if she ditches your party to hang out with him.

    Another thing to think about though, is will she be a drag the whole time if she's upset that she doesn't get to go see him.  If she's goign to be visibly upset, then it may not be that much fun to have her there if she'd rather not be.
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  • Megs30Megs30
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I agree with Aileene.  Plus the other thing I am wondering is if she decides to stay with you the whole day, would she invite him to join you girls at some point.  Not sure what your exact plans are but if you are going to be at a bar or something Saturday night would she tell him to meet her there...
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  • Pretty ParulaPretty Parula
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_florida-central-florida_demand-much-lil-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:66Discussion:283b325f-c8e9-4311-af2a-24974de13c26Post:e27e08d7-fcfe-45e0-8d12-64d0380b782c">Demand much? a lil long :)</a>:
    [QUOTE] I don't want to seem demanding, but I guess <strong>I just want my BFF to WANT to say "I'm so excited for you and this is your weekend for us girls to have fun and go crazy w/ you!</strong>". Instead, I'm getting no effort and a run away MOH. <strong>Part of me feels really hurt and part of me wonders if I'm being too demanding by wanting her to stay the whole day</strong>. I know I don't own the weekend, but it's been so hard to nail down any time w/ her or to talk about my needs w/ out it turning into something about her- all I want is ONE weekend. Thoughts?
    Posted by therockisblinding05[/QUOTE]

    <div>She needs a "look heffer" talk where you sit her down and tell her this exactly. You love her, you want her to be happy, but she's making you miserable and being incredibly selfish. You wouldn't be eaten up about this if you didn't want her friendship so much. My question to you is - are you sure she wants your friendship just as much?</div><div>
    </div><div>Unfortunately I found out through this wedding process who my real friends were. People who've been my 'best friends' didn't come to the shower or wedding, and some said they would come and ditched on everything. At this point I told myself that my wedding was not going to be as important to everyone else as it was to me, and I accepted that, but I also remembered that I bent over backward to make sure I went to their weddings and showers if I was invited. I did that because their friendships are important to me and I wanted to show them I loved them by being there. I still don't know if that's just how I work and I'm the minority or what, but it hasn't been reciprocated (my "BFF" actually said no when I asked her to be my MOH) so I've reevaluated a lot of relationships. It may be time for you to do the same. *hug* Sorry, twin, people suck sometimes.</div>
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  • ericak926ericak926 member
    Tenth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://orlando.weddings.com/main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_florida-central-florida_demand-much-lil-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:66Discussion:283b325f-c8e9-4311-af2a-24974de13c26Post:274beb7b-8277-48b6-bcc4-3a596ee431c7">Re: Demand much? a lil long :)</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Demand much? a lil long :) : Unfortunately I found out through this wedding process who my real friends were. People who've been my 'best friends' didn't come to the shower or wedding, and some said they would come and ditched on everything. At this point I told myself that my wedding was not going to be as important to everyone else as it was to me, and I accepted that, but I also remembered that I bent over backward to make sure I went to their weddings and showers if I was invited. I did that because their friendships are important to me and I wanted to show them I loved them by being there. I still don't know if that's just how I work and I'm the minority or what, but it hasn't been reciprocated (my "BFF" actually said no when I asked her to be my MOH) so I've reevaluated a lot of relationships. It may be time for you to do the same. *hug* Sorry, twin, people suck sometimes.
    Posted by Pretty Parula[/QUOTE]

    Dude! I totally think the same way! Well said, well said.
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  • brit21489brit21489
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_florida-central-florida_demand-much-lil-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:66Discussion:283b325f-c8e9-4311-af2a-24974de13c26Post:1c18d29e-f2d5-44d8-9255-07e6a041eb7c">Re: Demand much? a lil long :)</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Demand much? a lil long :) : Dude! I totally think the same way! Well said, well said.
    Posted by ericak926[/QUOTE]
    Same here! I feel like I pour my soul into friendships and I can honestly say I have one person who reciprocates and that is about it. And it isn't even one of my girl friends. I just wish I could find an awesome girl friend who tried as hard as I do to make the friendship special. Trust me, I feel ya, and it seems like a lot of us do, too. Feel better and GL dealing with this. I hope it all goes great!
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  • Theresa626Theresa626 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Honestly, your friend is just a flighty bitch who isn't a very good friend anymore, it seems.  It's not that you're being bitchy. You didn't tell her she can't go.  You just told her how it would make you feel.  Honestly, it sounds like it''s kind of a dying friendship.  It's really sad but sometimes people just kind of turn into sh#t holes and there's nothing you can do about it.  You told her how you feel and that's really all you can do.  If she leaves, maybe it'll be good because if you tell her to stay, she might just be a debbie downer all night and that would suck more.  
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  • cjbwifey2010cjbwifey2010 member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Honestly...i feel as if she is trying to do everything to show her disinterest so that maybe you can just tell her that you dont want her as your MOH. 

    She is absolutely ridiculous and i totally agree with Alyssa (not you...other one) that says that she needs a "look heiffa" talk. This is ridiculous! You've had to put up with her crap for too long now. You need to sit her down and let her know...because this experience should truthfully make the two of you grow stronger...not strain it!

    I wish i could talk to her for you and make her understand that she is truly being selfish...the guy LIVES here so she can see him anytime. She needs to know that this is your weekend and that she needs to act like it is. If she doesn't want to be the MOH then she needs to let you know or something because her behavior is getting out of control. She's starting to piss me off! SMH!
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  • Pretty ParulaPretty Parula
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_florida-central-florida_demand-much-lil-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:66Discussion:283b325f-c8e9-4311-af2a-24974de13c26Post:f7f34909-c051-472d-9dd8-463c2c38a61e">Re: Demand much? a lil long :)</a>:
    [QUOTE]She's starting to piss me off! SMH!
    Posted by cjbwifey2010[/QUOTE]

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  • Maggie214624Maggie214624 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I am sorry this is happening to you.  It is not too much to want your good friend to spend this time with you.  Unfortunately, like the others have said, it sounds like this might be a friendship that is fizzling out a bit.  Not that this helps you much, but I have learned (the hard way) that some people just aren't capable or willing to be the kind of friend you want or deserve.  It sounds like you have some other really good friends that want to be there for you and maybe, just maybe if she sees how supportive they are being, she might realize she isn't being a great friend.  That said, if she doesn't come around, you will at least know where you stand with her for the future.  If friends can't be around for the good times, it is not likely they will be there for the hard times.

    Good luck and keep your head up!
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  • cjbwifey2010cjbwifey2010 member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    LMAO!!!! @ Alyssa
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  • Pretty ParulaPretty Parula
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    You know it would probably be pretty cheap to get some tees print-screened for our security detail... and we could try them out on this chick... just sayin'.
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  • cjbwifey2010cjbwifey2010 member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Im with you...we just need to have other Alyssa approve! I'm definitely down for this one!!!
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  • mlharbismlharbis
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    what a brat. I agree with everyone else!
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  • erin72682erin72682
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Man, I don't want to sound harsh or anything ... but I would seriously consider granting her wish of being bumped from the bridal party.  Ye ask (or imply) and ye shall receive!
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
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  • therockisblinding05therockisblinding05
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Britt.... I've been there with bitchy bridesmaid. Another BFF (who is a much better friend) had horrible bridesmaids and it drove me crazy.

    Ladies, you are all hysterical! She is moving to my town today for a summer internship (which is pretty random that it worked out that way) and we are going to be having a serious chat soon. I don't think she meant to hurt anyone, but she can get pretty self centered if she doesn't have someone to talk her down again. We're going to see where the convo goes...I'll keep you all posted!

    And I am down for the shirt idea!! You have my full approval!!

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