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Civil or wait? advice needed...

rubredvelvetrubredvelvet
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in Illinois-Chicago
I have been with my FI for 6 years now and has always planned on a wedding, we had no date set or anything, just knew it would happen. The thing is now I am pregnant and it throws things into a loop.

We were thinking of doing a civil quickly and then a reception type thing a year from the then... but I just don't know. We technically don'y need to get married but it would make things easier/cheaper insurance/money wise. I don't want to rush a reception and ceremony before birth because by the time it would happen I will be huge.

Do we civilly get married, or do we wait? If we do, do a civil one and wait for a "ceremony" and reception do we tell people about the civil one?

**religious services will not be a part of either one, so we don't have to worry about a second officiate - it would be a family friend...
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Re: Civil or wait? advice needed...

  • SaraAndrew2010SaraAndrew2010 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Whatever you do, you need to be honest with your family and friends.  It's extremely rude to lie to everyone and tell them that you are not married so that you can pretend your later celebration is the real wedding.  If you want to have a later celebration or a vow renewal, sobeit, but you need to be upfront with your guests that you already got married.  (Also be warned that some people will see a big party at a later date as tacky or gift grabby)
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  • jessNlane52804jessNlane52804
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    edited December 2011
    If I were in that situation, I would probably have a civil ceremony and leave it at that, especially if we would save money on taxes, etc. However, you have to do whatever is best for you, your FI, and the baby. Congratulations and good luck!
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  • duckie1905duckie1905 member
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    edited December 2011
    As long as you don't lie to your family and friends it is perfectly fine to have a JOP wedding now, and do a vow renewal and a kick @ss party in a year.
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  • LexiMSLexiMS
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I think its totally fine to get married now. Those close to you will understand.  It seems like what is best for you and the baby (particularly with insurance).  I wouldn't keep it a secret that you are married, but phrase the party as a vow renewal.  I dont think there is anything wrong with having a party in a year!  If people think its gift grabby then they can just not give you a gift and deal with it.
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  • mandybear7mandybear7
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    edited December 2011
    Exactly as pp said, don't lie to your family. Let them know you got married (if you so decide) and go ahead and have a party in a year. But, don't have a shower or bachelorette party- that would be strange since  you're already married. If having a big celebration and ceremony with your family is important to you, wait until next year to get married and have the traditional wedding.
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  • Jo+SephJo+Seph member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I think this is becoming more and more common- I have at least 3 friends who've done a civil ceremony first for various reasons, including an unexpected baby. None of them have expressed regret- life gets complicated, and you have to do what you need to do for the welfare of your family. Of course, if you've always wanted a wedding, then don't forget about it, or you might eventually feel like you missed your chance. A wedding is really just a celebration with your loved ones of bringing your lives together- it's not what makes you married. It's a once in a lifetime chance to have everyone you love together for you- whether or not you've gotten the legality out of the way first won't make it any less special :) Anyone getting judge-y about it is kind of missing the point.
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