How to include a pre teen without a jr bridesmaid?

jennaferanne · July 2012

I have a half sister that in theory I would like to include in my wedding...she will be 10 when I get married. We are not super close and she lives several hours away. The main reason why I think I need to include her is because our father passed away 5 years ago and I was VERY close to him...and I know he would have wanted me to include her. I hate the idea of a jr bridesmaid...always have. Any thoughts? If it makes any difference at all I also have a step sister that will be 14 at the time of the wedding so there could potentially be two of them. My fiance thinks that since we are not very close she should just attend and not be involved...I just can't decide.

UberBiz · July 2012

Even if you were close to your father, if you are not close to her, I agree with your fiance, that you have no obligation to include her in the wedding beyond being a guest at it.

Summer2011Bride · July 2012

I would invite her as a guest.

chao_sweetie · July 2012

I would include her. You guys aren't close and this will be an opportunity to forge that bond with her. She is your sister... half or otherwise... she is still your sister.

You can include her in some of the duties and help to make her feel like family instead of the distant relative. Trust me when she gets older, she will remember the wedding and you two plus your step sister can become great friends.

mdupon70997 · July 2012

I am having the same dilema, but with a future niece who will be 12 years old when I get married. Her older sister, who will be 16 by that time, mother, and father will be in my wedding party as bridesmaids and groomsmen. We don't want her to feel left out. But I hate the idea of a jr. bridesmaid, too. We really don't have any boys on either mine or my fiance's side of the family, so we think we have decided to have her be sort of an usher and walk the grandparents and elderly guests to their respective seats - just so that she will feel included. She won't have to wear a jr. bridesmaid dress, just something appropriate for the wedding. Maybe you can have your two sisters do the same thing. Another option is that she could read a scripture from the Bible, a poem, or something of that nature. Does she play an instrument well? Maybe she could do something of that sort as well? Good luck!

jennaferanne · July 2012

A sort-of usher might be a good option to consider...especially since it's just me, my brother (who will be in the wedding...probably escorting me), and the two girls. I feel bad not including them. I feel like they are at an age that they would feel so left out doing nothing.

mmmendi · July 2012

My soon to be step daughter will be sitting with the guest book, and my youngest son will be helping seats guests as an usher. They are both 12, and we have teamed them to help with guests as they arrive. She will be familiar with all of her fathers friends/family and vice versa.

naomikb · July 2012

I would have the 10 year old and 14 year olds both as bridesmaids. I think it's nice to include family as BMs even if they live far away.

bgrjourney · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_how-to-include-a-pre-teen-without-a-jr-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:f66f9331-7233-4b40-a76c-7ac85eceda3bPost:0b601386-150d-4f3e-8679-4cf58f73daf0">Re: How to include a pre teen without a jr bridesmaid?</a>:
[QUOTE]My soon to be step daughter will be sitting with the guest book, and my youngest son will be helping seats guests as an usher. They are both 12, and we have teamed them to help with guests as they arrive. She will be familiar with all of her fathers friends/family and vice versa.
Posted by mmmendi[/QUOTE]

this is a great idea.... I have 9 BM and 1 MOH and thats with really narrowing down the list to really important friends and family and i also have 2 Jrs. I had to give up more BMs but i put them in charge of other things like the guest book. then they can still be included but not bare the expense. There are so many other tasks that need doing and helping that I think if you really sat down to think about it you could come up with something suitable and fun if not a JR! good Luck!!

Lisa50 · August 2012

Why not just bridesmaid, like all of your other attendants?

Avion22 · August 2012

Have you talked to her to see if she would like to be involved? Sometimes 10-year-olds (especially girls) and shy and would feel uncomfortable standing up in a fancy dress with a bunch of stragers (your other bridesmaids). If she's quiet or shy, then you might consider this.

Also, you might talk to her mother (your step-mother?) and see if it would be okay for you to ask. It can be a huge burden on parents to have children in the bridal party (cost of clothing, travel, etc), and it would suck to ask her and get her hopes up, just for her mom to say no....

CleverThought · August 2012

Personal attendant or guest book attendant are good tasks for girls that age.

chqtabnana14 · August 2012

I'm actually asking my sister to help my flower girl down the aisle. My sister is 14 and the flower girl is 2, so she will need the assistance!

Of course, this works well because my sister is super cute with my flower girl and they get along really well.

Is your sister close at all with other family members who are attending?

jennaferanne · August 2012

My sister lives about 3 and a half hours away and I do not get along with her family AT ALL...sadly after my dad passed away it bacame quite clear they wanted little to do with our side of things. She doesn't come around more than 2 or 3 times a year as they keep her so busy with at least three activities at a time...so she really doesn't know anyone but my brother and our cousins and her aunt and uncle (of which she knows who they are...I doubt it really goes beyond that). My step sister knows everyone on my side of the family.

brianna52525 · August 2012

I have included my teen step sisters in ways other than jr. bridesmaid as well - one will be singing during the ceremony (she has an amazing voice) and the other will be serving as an usher. I would find little things they can do to help out, if she is 10 I doubt she will consider them to be a chore, she may be excited to be apart of things.

Remember to be sure they are apart of the wedding becuase YOU want them to be. If her mother is going to make this a pain for you and be more of a hassle for your day, I would say skip it and only be a guest. I'm sure your dad will understand considering they made it clear they do not want anything to do with your side of the family

Hope it all works out!

jennaferanne · August 2012

Very good point, Brianna. Thank you for that.

How to include a pre teen without a jr bridesmaid?

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