Pre-wedding Parties

Groomsmen dropped the ball. No bachelor party!

So my fiances groomsmen have dropped the ball.  They have not planned anything for his bachelor party.  I am totally ok with him having a party with the strippers, booze, the whole she bang.  But his groomsmen are doing nothing for him and I feel really bad because my girls are going all out for me and he isnt getting anything. 

I have repeatedly asked them what they are planning and they just tell me "oh we will take care of it"  but nothing is happening.  I have talked to him about it and he is really upset because in his words maybe he "picked the wrong guys"

I just need to know what to do.   I wouldnt have a problem in planning it myself with my bridesmaids soley because I dont want him to miss out of this "rite of passage" as it may. 

What do I do?  I have tried talking to them but nothing is happening.  Help!

Re: Groomsmen dropped the ball. No bachelor party!

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_groomsmen-dropped-the-ball-no-bachelor-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:41eb3211-6270-42a1-b477-5bddae5fcb34Post:6551e57b-9a2d-4bb7-bd58-21a326d26b9e">Groomsmen dropped the ball. No bachelor party!</a>:
    [QUOTE]So my fiances groomsmen have dropped the ball.  They have not planned anything for his bachelor party.  I am totally ok with him having a party with the strippers, booze, the whole she bang.  But his groomsmen are doing nothing for him and I feel really bad because my girls are going all out for me and he isnt getting anything.  I have repeatedly asked them what they are planning and they just tell me "oh we will take care of it"  but nothing is happening.  <strong>I have talked to him about it and he is really upset because in his words maybe he "picked the wrong guys"</strong> I just need to know what to do.   I wouldnt have a problem in planning it myself with my bridesmaids soley because I dont want him to miss out of this "rite of passage" as it may.  What do I do?  I have tried talking to them but nothing is happening.  Help!
    Posted by jessiegirl813[/QUOTE]


    Sooooo...he thinks he's supposed to pick his groomsmen based on who will throw him the best parties rather than who he cares about and wants to honor most?  There's your problem right there.

    P.S. Stay out of it.  This one's between your FI and his friends.
  • You stay out of it completely.  This is none of your business.  A bach party is not a right it is a gift.  If someone plans something, great!  If they don't, that is fine too.  I also think it sounds very shallow of your FI to say "maybe I picked the wrong guys".
  • I don't think your fiancee is being shallow or selfish at all. I doubt he picked his groomsmen with the bach party in mind but if they don't wanna do anything for his big night out I can imagine he's pretty hurt and probably feels like they don't really care. He should really talk to them and explain this is important to him but I don't think you should get into it at all.
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    You definitely shouldn't get involved in planning the bp party for your fi. Aside from the points mentioned by PPs, the groomsmen have told you they will take care of the bp. That may mean that one night, at the last minute,  one of them will call the others to go out for drinks or whatever. Or someone may be planning something more elaborate, but they don't want to discuss it with you.



                       
  • I totally get it. My husband's GM sucked too. My BIL, and 2 best guy friends threw his bach party because they felt bad for him. But that was their choice.  But you, like myself, have to stay out of it.  I wanted to kill the best man by the day of our wedding but I just sat and smiled. I suggest you do the same. 
     
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  • He is upset with his groomsmen in general cause they are slacking on just the basic stuff like showing up to get fitted for thier tuxes.  It is his best friend, and two brothers and my brother in law.  He knows that he isnt entitled to a bach party but he and well I are both hurt that they are failing to follow thru.

    I might just pay for a golf day at our local golf course for him a few days before and not tell him I did it.  Just something sort of celebrate him.  I get a bridal shower, bach party and the big white dress.  A bach party would just be a nice gesture.
  • I think its sweet that you want him to be celebrated; after all its both your wedding!  I think the golf gesture is a nice thought and I would think your fiance would appreciate it that you went out of your way to help plan him a day... as far as it goes, mention it to a few of his guy friends-- hopefully that may trigger ideas and they can take it from there.  It's a tough subject to be a part of... most situations (at least in my opinion) people want to be involved in things like this and can't wait to throw the parties; but we must remember its not guaranteed that they will happen.  In terms of him picking the "wrong people," it does not have to be the groomsman per say that throw the party, but yeah I would hope that they people I have standing for me would want to at least be a part of it, so there is nothing wrong with being disappointed.  When my finace and I tell people we're engaged, I get all of the details questions, and all his friends first ask about the bachelor party, lol. 
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  • OMG.  Enough about not expecting anything for your wedding.  There are certain things that are supposed to happen when you have a traditional wedding.  And the bridal party throwing a bach party is one of them.  He's right to be upset.  I'm sorry that he.  Short of calling one of the guys and helping make suggestions, though, you really can't do anything.   The other option is he picks a date and tells the guys that he wants to go out for his bach party that night.  Even if it's to a bar, and nothing big.  It's at least something.  There's nothing wrong with planning your own back party.  Many people do that.  Good luck.  I'm sorry for him.  I imagine you're feeling awful too. 
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