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Ketubah

shoshanagleitshoshanagleit member
10 Comments
in Interfaith Weddings
My fiance is Taiwanese/agnostic and I am Jewish/agnostic. We are basically having a Jewish wedding ceremony and including all the common Jewish traditions - a hora, kosher meat, saying the motzi and everything. I have been trying to include some aspects of my fiance's culture as well. During the reception we are doing a tea ceremony and having lion dancers perform. I made a logo with the double happiness symbol and a hebrew quote on either side of it that we used on the invitations and will incorporate into the wedding.
I designed our ketubah - Jewish marrige contract. The picture of it is below. When my parents saw the ketubah they got really upset and said it looked like a Chinese document and they want me to change it. They want me to add Jewish stars and classic Jewish symbols instead of what I've done. Then they started telling me they want klezmer music (which I hate) playing as people walk into the wedding. I worked hard on the design and I don't want to change it. I feel like they are going to far with pushing the Jewish customs. What does everyone think?
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Re: Ketubah

  • RoMy215RoMy215 member
    Sixth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011

    I didn't pay attention that much in Hebrew school (plus it's been a LONG time), so please forgive me if I've forgotten, but is there something that says what a Ketubah can and cannot look like? Isn't it supposed to be a document that represents both of you?! If your fiance is from Taiwan, and the document itself is a representation of Jewish culture (and is in Hebrew), it would make sense to incorporate elements of your fiance's background/culture in the actual design. I think it looks beautiful.
    As far as the music goes, if your parents are paying, they get a say. Do they want it while the guests walk in, or for the wedding party to walk to? If it's while the guests are walking in, presumably, you wont really hear it.
    Maybe you can find some sort of compromise. When is your wedding?

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  • dombygatenbydombygatenby member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I think you have a beautiful design. It seems to be a representation of both your backgrounds. If I were you, I'd try to hold my ground on the ketubah and maybe see if your parents would be okay with klezmer during the cocktails (when you might be taking pictures anyway).

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  • shoshanagleitshoshanagleit member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011

    Thanks for the comments. There are not any laws about the design of the ketubah according to the Jewish customs. I still keep going back and forth on changing it... Our wedding is in one month so if I don't decide soon I might not have time to change it. I was thinking about adding a jewish star to the bottom but I don't really like how it looks. 

    Wedding Countdown Ticker

    image 162 Invited.
    image 115 Are ready to party!
    image 44 Will miss out!
    image 3 Don't know how to use the mailbox.

    RSVP June 12, 2011
    Report Reply
  • RoMy215RoMy215 member
    Sixth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    If you REALLY want to appease your parents, you could put a star somewhere less obvious...kind of like a hidden Mickey.
    Good luck!!!! And mazel tov! =)
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  • yehudit18yehudit18
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Mazel tov!

    We work with a lot of Jewish interfaith couples http://jewishinterfaithweddings.net, planning their ceremonies and weddings. Your ketubah is a very personal document between you and your fiance. The design you've made is very creative and I personally like how you have tied the two traditions together. But what really matters is that you and your fiance like it. That's the ketubah you should sign. It is your marriage document.

    We find the best received interfaith weddings are balanced and you do want to be careful. It is easy to overweight the Jewish side. The Ketubah ceremony is Jewish itself, and a way to balance it is to include Chinese design. 

    It is important to  have music you and your fiance love at your ceremony. The walk down the aisle signifies your last walk as a single person. This is your personal rite of passage and it should be meaningful to you. 

    Don't get me wrong, I think it is very important for parents to feel comfortable and welcome at their children's wedding. It does sound like you have done a great job in incorporating both traditions into your overall wedding.
    But there is a limit. It is your wedding too. 

    Best of luck  :)







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  • Debaleb18Debaleb18
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I think your ketubah is gorgeous! Have your parents go to any ketubah site and see just how many ketubah designs have NOTHING to do with Judaism! You see flowers, trees, geometric shapes- very random designs.  What is important is the text.  And that you'll want to look at it in your home for the rest of your life together!
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