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Engagement Party Ettiquette

saragoesrawrsaragoesrawr member
First Comment
in Pre-wedding Parties
My Fiance and I have decided to throw ourselves a very low key engagement party. His father is dying and most likely won't make it until Christmas, let alone or wedding next fall. We thought this would be a great chance for him to celebrate with us and his family and (hopefully) give his mom a day off from worrying about her husband.

That being said, is it too low key to do a pot luck bbq? We are thinking just close family (His dad is one of 19!!) and our bridal parties. Or should I just ask our immediate family to help out? These are not people that would be offended by our asking and would probably be more hurt to be told NOT to help! However, I am hesitant to ask outside of our parent and brothers and sisters for contributions because we are inviting these people to celebrate with us!

What are your thoughts? 
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Re: Engagement Party Ettiquette

  • JluseJluse
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I love the idea of a potluck! These are the people who honestly would probably think nothing of it to bring something.
    An Idea would maybe to have your grooman help on the gril and the girls help in the kitchen with other fixings.. That way everyone has contributed in some way. I think if you do something special to thank them for there support like a DIY gift then they won't think anything of it. Happy planning!
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  • laurenkronenberglaurenkronenberg member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011

    I think it is very thoughtful to do something to include his father before he passes.

    Although I'm not sure asking for help at a party you are 'throwing for yourselves' is considered proper etiquette.  I'm not saying decline any offer of help, but if you are throwing the party yourselves, then I would think that would entail you supplying the food/beverages.  

    Just a curious question, you said FI's father is one of 19, are you inviting all 18 aunts and uncles to the low key bbq?! That could be a bit overwhelming considering I'd assume most of them have significant others or children you wouldn't want to exclude.

    You may just want to make it be you, fiance, his parents, your parents, your siblings, his siblings, and if you were adament about bridal party making it, invite them to stop by, but I would think inviting the whole clan could get expensive for you for a low key get together!

    Either way, just my thoughts, good luck!

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  • saragoesrawrsaragoesrawr member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    To answer "are we inviting all 18?" NO! haha a lot of them live out of town, or just aren't close. We will be inviting the local ones that are closest and attend all the other family gatherings (birthdays etc). 

    Since we had the idea of the party we didn't want to ask anyone for help, but the expenses will add up quickly. My father loves to bbq though and I know he'd be happy to man that. I think we will just start planning and see what people offer.(if anything!)
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  • heyimbrenheyimbren member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    If you want to know about proper etiquette, you should not be hosting your own engagement party. Etiquette also doesn't allow for your guests bringing food to your party.

    I do think it would be nice to have a get together with family and even friends. If people offer to bring something, definitely take them up on it if you want (and I'm sure many people will offer).

    Also, I'm very sorry about your FI's father. That must be difficult for you two to go through, and I hope you can all enjoy this time you have together.
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  • cpm1223cpm1223
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Do not host you own e-party, its really rude plus even more rude to ask people to bring food to your party.

    Have a BBQ, call it a BBQ and leave it at that. Like PP said, people will offer to bring food/drinks etc. so do not ask them to do this, wait for them to offer.
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  • kgorman307kgorman307 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_engagement-party-ettiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:4460257f-328f-48ef-a250-b22fc443e60aPost:ce099182-d766-4a39-824a-918b84841d78">Re: Engagement Party Ettiquette</a>:
    [QUOTE]Have a BBQ, call it a BBQ and leave it at that.
    Posted by cpm1223[/QUOTE]

    This. Calling it an engagement party insinuates you expect engagement gifts. Asking someone to bring a gift AND food to anything is rude.

    Based on your post, it doesn't seem like that's your intention. But, announcing you're hosting an engagement party for yourself, that's how your guests will likely see it.
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