What does everyone think of a Pot Luck Reception??

Dvsgirlforever · March 2011

My coworker who was an usher for us is getting married in May.He announced tonight that everyone has to bring something to the reception. Am I the only one who finds this tacky?? He said we don't have to bring anything cause were making the wedding cake.

MaryLaura13 · March 2011

I hate to say yes because I know everyone has different situations... but yes that is very tacky. how do you even ask people that!

KBinRI · March 2011

Whew, I'm glad it wasn't you. When I read the subject I was thinking of ways to say it nicely but, yes, tacky. I talked my friends out of it and instead ended up doing a lot of the work with them but still, when you host someone at an event of this magnitude, the least you can do is feed them, even if it's just heavy apps and drinks. Potlucks are fine for family backyard BBQs, but not weddings, IMO.

Plus, unless you "assign" people - which is even worse! - how do you know what kind of food people are bringing? What if you end up with four garden salads and three potato salads and no meat dishes? I'm waaay too Type A for that!

Curious, where is the reception?

Dvsgirlforever · March 2011

No clue where the reception is.They really don't have this wedding thing together,they are planning a May wedding and just got a DJ lastnight,they are getting married on the JP's Lawn at his home.They are just starting to look for a reception place and realized they really can't afford say $9 per plate for guest.They are really making this more like a BBQ than a wedding! If money is a concern have the wedding/reception in a public park!

Nomer · March 2011

They can't feed their guests, but will still expect gifts no doubt, and yet they hired a dj rather than having a friend rock it with an ipod?! It would be less tacky to do pizza for everyone rather than expecting the wedding guests to contribute... I understand that some people just don't have the money at all, which is why we eloped when we were poor and renewed our vows with a big party when we had the money, but it is beyond tacky to throw a wedding party for yourself and expect your guests to contribute. This just upsets me, in particular, because I've been there (too poor to afford a wedding) and remember how hard it was to do the right thing and wait until we could HOST a party in every essence of the word.
Sorry that you have to deal with this... It must be very frustrating.

JadeW24 · March 2011

.... I might be the only one, but I don't think it's tacky. On the other hand, I really love potlucks.

If all the guests are local, and the couple can't afford a conventional wedding... but still wants their community (read: group of friends, family, and other people who influence the couple's lives) to be part of the wedding, then I don't think it's that weird. In small towns the southern US, it's common (or used to be) for everyone in a town to go to a couple's wedding, regardless of invitation, and to contribute in some way to the wedding. It's much more of a community affair -- everyone is there to celebrate the couple's love and commitment. I have to be honest, there is something really genuine and beautiful about that.

I don't think it's fair for the couple to expect people will give gifts on top of bringing a dish... but I also don't think it's fair for guests to presume that the couple expects them.

If it offends you, or you are going to be judgmental, then don't go.

wyney · March 2011

I love potlucks, bu I don't think it's appropriate for a wedding unless you truly have the right group for it.

In a work potluck, there's usually a sign up sheet for type of food. You know the layout of offfice. You can ask about a fridge or stove.

The problem I have with wedding potlucks is that it puts guests in position of having to impose on each other or the bride/groom over food transport and prepration. Food ends up sitting out of temperature a lot. In the car, during the ceremony, out during the reception.

I'm biased against these though, as I've done a lot of health inspections in my day

Island_Bride2011 · March 2011

Honestly, I won't even attend.

Dvsgirlforever · March 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_rhode-island_everyone-think-of-pot-luck-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:122Discussion:7ed2623b-56f0-4681-af1a-1759c0c36c3cPost:8d0c107c-1d73-4171-8301-27adb6c34282">Re: What does everyone think of a Pot Luck Reception??</a>:
[QUOTE]They can't feed their guests, but will still expect gifts no doubt, and yet they hired a dj rather than having a friend rock it with an ipod?! It would be less tacky to do pizza for everyone rather than expecting the wedding guests to contribute... I understand that some people just don't have the money at all, which is why we eloped when we were poor and renewed our vows with a big party when we had the money, but it is beyond tacky to throw a wedding party for yourself and expect your guests to contribute. This just upsets me, in particular, because I've been there (too poor to afford a wedding) and remember how hard it was to do the right thing and wait until we could HOST a party in every essence of the word. Sorry that you have to deal with this... It must be very frustrating.
Posted by Nomer[/QUOTE] I understand how you feel with not getting the dream wedding,but at least you understood your financial situation.We really didn't have the money for our wedding either,but we took all the extra time our boss offered us to cover everything,which is something he should do.What really pisses me off is he got a good amount of tax money back (well over 3k) and the money is GONE already! If you knew you were getting Married in may that money should have gone to the wedding fund instead of buying everyone new cells,computers etc.His fiance doesn't work due to him being sick ,but not sure what hes got,but anyways his man has a 12yr old and they bought the kid a BLACKBERRY with tax money! Sorry if you can spend that money on a 12yr old,new laptops for everyone and new cells for everyone thatmoney adds up to that $900 you needed for the reception! I think this is why everyone's soo pissed with them.

JadeW24 · March 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_rhode-island_everyone-think-of-pot-luck-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:122Discussion:7ed2623b-56f0-4681-af1a-1759c0c36c3cPost:52520874-45e0-43ce-8b71-c98e629f318b">Re: What does everyone think of a Pot Luck Reception??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What does everyone think of a Pot Luck Reception?? : Sorry if you can spend that money on a 12yr old,new laptops for everyone and new cells for everyone thatmoney adds up to that $900 you needed for the reception! I think this is why everyone's soo pissed with them.
Posted by Dvsgirlforever[/QUOTE]

That sort of changes the situation. It sounds like your frustration is less about how your friend plans to feed his guests, and more about his poor money management skills. Since the potluck really doesn't matter to you (you seem to be brining cake regardless),... maybe you or your fiance could speak with your friend privately and discretely about how they manage money (don't make it about the wedding specifically...) -- let them know that you are concerned.

MaryLaura13 · March 2011

Money conversations are always a touchy subject, I wouldn't suggest talking to them about it. Unless your willing to lose a friend.

Dvsgirlforever · March 2011

Sorry it just pisses me off that they spend money stupidly ,but expect their guest to pay for everything for them.They shouldn't expect everyone to bring something when everyone knows they had the money to pay for this and blew all the money so they could get away scott free by only paying for the JP and DJ.I think were just gonna bring the cake n leave ,I really can't support them being soo selfish n cheap.

What does everyone think of a Pot Luck Reception??

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