Bridesmaid conundrum

kamilovich · January 2013

Hi there! I'm a long time lurker, but haven't done more discussion than a few random replies here and there. This is the first discussion I've started. I'm on my phone, and not sure if paragraphs will show up, so I'm sorry if they don't.

My wedding is in about six months, and I recently asked five ladies to be in my bridal party. They all said yes, and seemed excited. Because we are all students, I wanted to get everyone together to go dress shopping this week, so that we can all work on picking a dress together, that everyone will be comfortable in. The ladies are all relatively similarly sized, and I'd prefer them all in the same dress, if possible. But the second purpose of all going together is to find out if that's impossible, in which case I'll revaluate, and let them choose their own different dresses in the same style and color. Everyone seemed on board and excited about going shopping together when I first brought it up.

I asked each girl about her budget privately a couple weeks ago, as well as explaining what sort of dress I thought I wanted them in, and setting a tentative date for the shopping trip. Four girls responded with budgets, and whether they were or weren't free the days I mentioned. One girl did not respond at all. Since then, she hasn't replied to text messages or phone calls from me. I'm not sure what to make of that, or really what to do about it. The plan is to go shopping tomorrow with the four girls who have responded, but I'm worried about the fifth girl.

I'm worried about the practical aspects of it, like if we do choose a dress, how to make sure we choose a dress that she can afford and that she's comfortable in if she doesn't give me a budget or come to the appointment. And then also what the fact that she hasn't gotten back to me at all since I asked her to be a bridesmaid and she excitedly accepted means about whether she wants to be in the wedding at all and things like that...

I could use any advice you all could give me, both about what I should do about both the practical problem of dress picking, as well as the possible underlying issue of the wedding itself. I could be over reacting about her for lack of a better word motives, but I'm just honestly worried.

banana468 · January 2013

Call her now. Say, "Hey, I hope you can still make it dress shopping tomorrow. If you can't, I really need to know how much you're OK with spending in case we find one we like."

And find a dress that is under the lowest number all other BMs have given you.

Don't nag her but keep her posted about what you're finding and see if there are issues.

I would do my best to get in touch with her quickly though. Is it normal for her to go a while before returning emails / texts?

kamilovich · January 2013

I called her most recently n Sunday night when I called the others to give the final information about the exact times of the appointments, and left a message because she didn't pick up. I don't want to come off as nagging, because I asked her to call me back, but haven't heard. But I really am worried. I'm planning to choose a dress below the lowest budget, regardless, I'm just worried her budget will be less than the others', and I don't want to buy something she can't afford. I will call her once more tonight, I just don't want to be a pest, you know? She's a generally hard to catch on the phone, but prior to this she's been good about getting back to me, either through phone calls, text messages, or private Facebook messages.

Simply Fated · January 2013

Definitely leave her one last message, like banana suggested and then let it go for awhile. If she doesn't get back to you with a budget after being given ample time, then that's on her, not you.

It was still the holiday seaspn on Sunday, maybe she was just busy or something. I don't know. There isn't much you can do if she doesn't get back to you at all, even about stuff that isn't wedding related. Have you called or tried to get in touch with her at all since you asked her about being a bridesmaid about stuff that isn't wedding related?

Oh and your paragraphs are fine. They look weird on the cellphone, I know, but show up fine when you post. TK is weird like that lol.

kamilovich · January 2013

Ok, I'm glad one last message wouldn't be too naggy. It's really just because of the dress outing tomorrow that its important. Now that I think about it, she hasn't really been getting back to me, regardless of wedding. We have been friends for ages, but both go to school in different states. We see each other a lot over the summers, but don't communicate a huge amount during the year. We've grown apart a little, but I really love her, and wanted to honor her with the BM position. Oh, I'm so glad the paragraphs are working! That first post would have been a miserable wall of text to read without them.

mlg78 · January 2013

Go ahead and go dress shopping but you do have time to wait... Simply try to get an idea of what looks good on people and possibly wait for a great sale so that it fits everyones budget even more! As it's been mentioned, we're just wrapping up the holidays and you said she's hard to catch at times so I wouldn't worry too much about it. See if she shows tomorrow and if she doesn't, contact her and let her know what transpired. I'd possibly consider making plans with her one on one to discuss these things.

libby2483 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-conundrum?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:3e96be96-1b92-43aa-bad4-d228492cd9acPost:90e0a0c7-d90a-4a75-b431-0597e6b9bb22">Re: Bridesmaid conundrum</a>:
[QUOTE]Your wedding isn't until July. They've got PLENTY of time to order. ' We're just coming off a major holiday, and everyone is short of cash. Why not wait another month or so, and see if everyone has a better idea of their budgets by then? The dresses don't need to be ordered until around March.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

<div>I actually think it is best to go sooner rather than later. I ordered dresses the first week of January and they didn't come until late May or early June. That would be cutting it close with alterations for a July wedding. For a friend's wedding that I was a BM in this summer, two of the girls didn't order their dresses until about five months before the wedding. Both dresses arrived the week of the wedding, and there was no time to get them altered. In addition, there was just a bride who posted on here who had waited too long to get her dresses. The shop gave her an ordering deadline and the rush caused all sorts of problems.</div><div>
</div><div>If four of the five girls can get together, I say go now. I agree with other posters that you should make one final attempt. But, if you don't hear from her, go without her and choose a dress that is within the budgets already given to you. It isn't your fault that she hasn't gotten back to you, and you have made multiple attempts to include her and get her opinion.</div><div>
</div><div>Edit: And with some brands of dresses taking up to six months to come in, I think that March is way too late for a July wedding.</div>

kamilovich · January 2013

Thanks for the responses everyone! The main reason that we're planning on going shopping now is that we are all students, and this is the only time until May that anyone can guarantee that all five girls will be in the same state at the same time. I do want them all in the same dress if its possible, and so I want them to have an opportunity to try on dresses together. We don't necessarily have to choose or order dresses now, but if we find something that everyone agrees on tomorrow I think it would be a good idea to take advantage of it. And I think its a good idea to try to get an idea of what looks and feels good on everyone. Also, I'd rather get dresses a while early than end up in a sticky situation. I'm a worrier. Edited for phone mistakes.

Binga · January 2013

When I was in my brothers wedding, my sis-in-law went dress shopping with smaller groups. She thought it was more personal that way, and the attendant at the dress shop kept a record of what dresses/styles the other bridesmaids picked.
If one girl can't make it I say go shopping! I would be worried that having all of the women there would be overwhelming. (Too many cooks in the kitchen and they can't all use the stove!) Good luck!

Bridesmaid conundrum

Re: Bridesmaid conundrum

Choose Another Board

Search Boards