Guest List when Groom's family cannot attend

lev08 · September 2010

MY fiance is originally from the Philippines. I have a traditioal southern family. I have a big traditional southern family. How would I arrange the guest list and seating? His family in the Philippines are not able to afford to come so he has his mother, two brothers and maybe one aunt. I'm more of a tradionalist and the bride's family sits on the left behind the bride while the groom's sits on the right behind the groom, but picturing this in my head makes the arrangment seem very akward. What should I do?

2dBride · September 2010

When the families are of greatly different sizes, it often makes sense to dispose of the "bride's side" and "groom's side" thing. Having one side full, and only four people on the other, is just going to look wrong.

Alternatively, if you are including a lot of friends, you could put all the friends on "the groom's side," to balance the sides a bit more.

twilight.rose · September 2010

I really don't like the "bride's side" and "groom's side" seating arrangement. A wedding is about combining and blending two families, so separating them seems to defeat the purpose to me.

We opted not to do this, and it was absolutely fine. I think, in your case, since the families are of such vastly different sizes, you would be best to just seat people as they arrive, not by their relationship to you and your FI. You can still have an entirely traditional wedding without using this seating style at the ceremony.

zitiqueen · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_guest-list-grooms-family-cannot-attend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:f3bdf115-1d03-4297-a157-7abd01a2f39cPost:20cabf5f-b3b4-4444-95da-bcc028b9700d">Guest List when Groom's family cannot attend</a>:
[QUOTE]MY fiance is originally from the Philippines. I have a traditioal southern family. I have a big traditional southern family. How would I arrange the guest list and seating? His family in the Philippines are not able to afford to come so he has his mother, two brothers and maybe one aunt. I'm more of a tradionalist and the bride's family sits on the left behind the bride while the groom's sits on the right behind the groom, but picturing this in my head makes the arrangment seem very akward. What should I do?
Posted by lev08[/QUOTE]

I guess you have no choice but to call off the wedding and go your separate ways since having a traditional seating arrangement at the ceremony is more important to you than the actual marriage.

iarguello · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_guest-list-grooms-family-cannot-attend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:f3bdf115-1d03-4297-a157-7abd01a2f39cPost:e481beeb-4f37-4eb8-b5de-978fbc2e3ce8">Re: Guest List when Groom's family cannot attend</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Guest List when Groom's family cannot attend : I guess you have no choice but to call off the wedding and go your separate ways since having a traditional seating arrangement at the ceremony is more important to you than the actual marriage.
Posted by zitiqueen[/QUOTE]

Ouch, that's pretty harsh. The OP is asking for advice, she just said that although she likes the traditional seating arrangement, that she knows that something has to be done so that her FH's family doesn't feel awkward sitting by themselves.

I think that you may do well to drastically shorten the number of chairs on your " traditional side" and that way the other side has to be filled in naturally.

jnc1113 · September 2010

We are dispensing with the 'sides' because I have literally four family members coming and my FI has a GIGANTIC family. We're reserving the front rows on either side of the aisle for my family and his immediate family only (parents and grandparents), and then everyone can sit wherever they choose. It has always really hurt me how little extended family I have and I can't bear the idea of separate sides, quite frankly. And FI's entire family has taken me in so wonderfully that, I think even if I did have a more significant number of family members, I still wouldn't want them split. Just something to consider - it will be hurtful for your FI to see just the four or so family members all by themselves.

clearheavens · September 2010

I would personally nix the traditional groom's side and bride's side idea. In the past, the idea would be that the bride and groom came from the same geographical area and even were parishioners of the same church, so their guests were split equal. When marrying someone whose family is from somewhere far, your more important task is to make your FH's family feel comfortable and welcome as your two families join.

lev08 · September 2010

Thanks everyone. I'm guessing the use of ushers will come in handy in this situation. I'm pretty sure if I allow everyone to seat themselves, they'll gravitate to the "Bride's side". And zitiqueen, I'm guessing you're marriage must be miserable and pathetic if you have time to sit around to look through boards on who to complain and patronize. It's a shame.

KateySnail · September 2010

I'm in the same position - twice! Currently my guy's family lives in Canada... and on the opposite coast to boot! We have plans (loose ones as our date is so far away) to have dual ceremonies both in my small hometown and his large home city, probably a couple of months apart. Luckily we met online and have many friends from the site. What we will probably do is for those who will attend the one at my hometown, they will sit on "his side" (though we won't really have 'sides'). Those that will attend the one in his city will sit on mine.

Guest List when Groom's family cannot attend

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