Name Change - How are you handling?

jenjenaz · May 2011

curious what you all would do....i've been at the same company for over 10 years now. i started before i was married the first time....when i got married the first time, i hyphenated my last name and used that at work. but then it just got tooooo annoying (it was pretty long) and so i dropped my maiden name. so i've used my married last name (even though legally i'm still hyphenated) for probably 4 years now.

so...now that i'm getting married again, i'm dropping the whole hyphenated thing and just going to his last name. what do i do at work? feels almost rude to my FI to continue to use my married name...but dear god, i don't feel like changing again.

the other issue is that i would be listed in all of our directories under my legal name - because that's what they have to have for me to get paid. i can keep my email as it is, but everything else has to change.

what would you do?

blush64 · May 2011

In your case I would just change everything to my husband's name. I know it's a hassle but I think it's better than still using your former husband's last name. Make everything under one name and make that one name your legal name.

In my case I am keeping my name so I would keep everything the same.

kimp67 · May 2011

Since you're changing your name to his, I would change it everywhere.

MikesAngie · May 2011

Having multiple names is confusing, I would change everything to my husband's name. Which is what I am doing.

mybooboos · May 2011

I didn't change it for my 1st marriage, and I'm not changing it this time either. If people address me as Mrs HISLASTNAME, I won't correct them, but I'm not changing any documents to display it.

jenjenaz · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_name-change-handling?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:edb24b9f-939e-4c78-8d66-606ff24fbf81Post:72990a99-c9aa-4130-bde6-a1f329733d5d">Re: Name Change - How are you handling?</a>:
[QUOTE]I didn't change it for my 1st marriage, and I'm not changing it this time either. If people address me as Mrs HISLASTNAME, I won't correct them, but I'm not changing any documents to display it.
Posted by mybooboos[/QUOTE]

i didn't want to change my name the first time, and then we had this blowup applying for our marriage license b/c he just assumed i'd change it and i assumed he didn't care (he doesn't know his dad, nor is there anyone else in his family with his last name). so we compromised and ended up with the hyphen. then i just dropped my last name b/c it was easier....so to go back to my maiden name now feels like it would be rude, you know?

guess everyone will just have to learn to deal with it....

right1thistime · May 2011

Change it. 5 years later, people still call me by my xH last name, but fewer every year.

Avion22 · May 2011

It sounds like it would be easier to change your name to his last name. But it sounds like the issue here is that you are professionally known by your ex's last name?

I'm not sure how your workplace is. I know in mine, name recognition is pretty important because many of my supervisors are geographically separated from me, so name recognition plays a pretty big role in getting good opportunities and performance reports. Not that I think that changing my name would be a BAD thing....just that I've already changed it twice in my 8-year career (to my first husband's last name, then recently back to my maiden name), and changing it again might be confusing. Same thing as you though -- my professional name HAS to be my legal name.

If your workplace is fairly small and contained,and you don't rely on name recognition or networking contacts, then changing your name probably won't be a big deal. I think most people understand that women get married and change their names, so most people can adapt to a woman having a new name in the workplace:-)

jenjenaz · May 2011

That's exactly the issue Avion....I'm professionally known by my ex's last name, but it just feels rude to keep it that way.

We're a pretty big company and name recognition is a fairly big deal. We're also very geographically dispersed. I work from home in VA, my bosses are in NY and UT and the people that work for me are in AZ.

At the end of the day, I suppose I'll just have to get used to it. But have to admit that I'm not looking forward to it - and do feel a little weird having to change my name (and feel like people could say 'AGAIN?!?!?"....)

handfast4me · May 2011

I'm with booboos. I didn't change it the first time, didn't this time. My name is easy, both x and current's names are hard to pronounce, harder to spell. Current H's name ends in a Z for crying out loud. Besides that, with my first husband, I wanted to make sure that my last name was carried on, because my dad had no sons and no brothers. So, we hyphenated my daughter's last name. And she's now dropped her dad's name (my x), uses my last name as her middle name, and her husband's last name, which is easier than almost every other name in the world. :-)

lindaloulubbock · May 2011

I can't decide what to do, either. :S

I want to take FIs name. I don't want to go around using my XHs name, but I have two children with XHs name, and I don't like that I'll have a different family name than my children. I'm pretty sure I'll end up changing my name, but I'm not sure I like it.

trishc69 · May 2011

Well, I changed my name the first time. I didn't change it back to my maiden name when I divorced to keep my daughter's and my last name the same. That was 3 years ago.

I am going to take FI's name. First of all, I don't want to keep XH's name any more. I realized after a while that I really did not want to be attached to him in that way any more, but too late. Secondly, my daughter will likely change her name in the (hopefully distant) future, and I intend to be with FI forever and ever. I have talked to her about no longer having the same name and she seems okay with it.

I have added my maiden name on to a lot of my coorespondence, email signatures, etc. e.g. Trisha Maiden XMarried. What I am planning to do is when we are married, drop the XMarried, and add the new name, e.g. Trisha Maiden Married. I am thinking that will provide some consistancy. At my job, several women have been remarried and changed their names significantly into their careers, everyone seems to get used to it pretty quickly. YMMV

dragossoul84 · May 2011

I'd change it at work I have my ex's last name as well but its not who I am any more and when we have school God forbid there be an emergency I dont want them calling for my soon to be husbands names vs my ex's

TallulahTrouble · July 2011

My first marriage, I hyphenated it. I just didn't like giving up my name totally. Also, I really didn't like his family, so I did not feel like one of "them." You know?

When I got divorced I dropped his name and went back to my maided name.

My current BF and I have talked a lot about marriage and we got into that name discussion. We were both sad that he wanted me to change and I didn't.

Now he's okay with me keeping my name and giving his last name to any kids.

I really do like his family a lot, so I hope they are not offended by it.

My reasons for not wanting to change:

My father died when I was young. I feel like that's all I have left is his name.
Many people call me my last name as my nickname. It's my identity.
My mother went to an all-girl's high school. They never have class reunions because they have a hard time finding all the girls--they all changed their names when they got married and disappeared. I don't want to disappear.

I told my BF to think of all the reasons why he WOULDN'T change his NAME. Those are my reasons too. I am not that set with tradition that just because it's tradition, I'm going to follow it.

It's a little sad, because he tries to do cute things, like when we are traveling and ready to leave, he says things like, "OK, time to leave team JONES. Um, I mean Team Jones and Smith." He really would love to be able for us to be just Jones. I am lucky he's ok with compromise. I wish I could give it to him, but I just can't.

Lisa50 · July 2011

I would not (did not, have not) change my name. That said, I will always be known by some as Mrs. exH's LastName (never changed my name) and will be called Mrs. newH's LastName (haven't changed my name) by others.

I have read (only on TK, not IRL) about companies which supposedly have a policy about legal names and email addresses, etc., and that they must match. Honestly, I wonder about that. At my old (and new) company, that is not the case. Yes, paychecks carry the legal last name but any and everything else does not.

If I were you, I'd ask HR. It may be worth the face-to-face conversation. Good luck!

Name Change - How are you handling?

Re: Name Change - How are you handling?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards