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just a vent...

Can I just vent....

My FMIL is great. She really is sweet and helpful and I really shouldnt be annoyed, but, I kind of am. They offered to pay for the rehearsal dinner which is a huge blessing, and we are extremely grateful. I know its their money therefore their choice. Originnally when my FI and I got engaged his parents were asking about who we were going to invite to the wedding, and we said just familly, as my family is pretty big, and then close friends because we really can't afford much more, so around 80 people, including the BP. They offered to pay for the rehearsal dinner and just had said "we will pay for it we just dont wanna be paying for allll of your cousins and extended family, we cant afford that" Great with me, I'm the kind of person who wanted it to be small anyways, just BP and parents (the way I think it should be) Well FI just called me and told me his mom needs a rough number of who is coming to the dinner so she could tell the restuarant and wanted to know if I was planing on including my aunts and uncles.  When I told him no, bc we were supposed to be keeping it small, he proceeds to tell me (shes right next to him telling him) that she is inviting some out of town guests (which is fine bc I know thats what etiquette says) and his aunt and uncle, their kids, and their sons fiance..He then tells me that we should ask my 2 aunts and uncles to come that way my family doesnt seem like they arent important, but when I asked if that meant we are inviting their kids too, he realized how rediculous it was going to get. (Plus I dont think his mom is really going to want to pay for 6 extra kids) This is the part I have a problem with. I don't want to invite my aunts and uncles or cousins, bc I wanted to keep it small, but I cant not have them when basically his whole family is going to be there. I made a list of the people I guess she is going to invite and we are looking at around 50 people!! The wedding is only around 80. and thats if everyone comes. Am I crazy to think this dinner is out of hand. I feel like the rehearsal dinner is for your closest friends, who are in your wedding party, and then parents? I get that she is excited and wants to share this day with everyone, but at the same time, I feel like its sorta taking away from what my fiance and I wanted. We wanted the night to just sit back and enjoy our friends,and thank them for being with us.. Now I feel like I am going to have to entertain and talk to a bunch of people which I'll see the very next night. I hope I'm not sounding snotty, and its not that I don't love my aunts and uncles, and I love his as well, I just feel like its becoming a huge shin dig. whats the point of having more then half the guestlist at the dinner?

Sorry, like I said, I know its their money to do with as they please, and when it comes down to it, Im going to have a great time with everyone she invites anyways, I jusy wanted to vent my frustrations. I'm just going to roll my eyes, smile and be thankful to have inlaws that love me and treat me very well.

Re: just a vent...

  • It starts to feel like you're having two wedding receptions, doesn't it?
  • MobKazMobKaz member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited August 2012
    My daughter's MIL did something similar.

    MIL included all her out of town family at the rehearsal.  Ours were not invited/included.  It was bigger than either DD or her FI had wanted, but, like you, were just happy it was one thing they did not have to worry about.

    There were a few positives to it.  It afforded the bride and groom an opportunity to visit with these relatives on a more intimate and personal level.  It also "released" them somewhat, from feeling as if they had to concentrate on "attending" to these relatives at the reception.  Also, because these relatives were from OOT, they were interested in visiting with each other, and not exclusively the bride and groom.  This also allowed the bride and groom the flexibility to focus on their wedding party at the rehearsal. (I hope that made sense.)

    Because our rehearsal was on a Thursday (for a Saturday wedding), once our OOT guests came in town on Friday, we hosted a small, casual dinner to welcome them.  None of them were aware of what transpired at the rehearsal (as far as not being included), so---no harm, no foul.  The bride and groom basically were able to visit with most immediate family members prior to the actual wedding.  Now, by no means did they ignore any of them at the wedding, but all of these "pre-wedding" dinners freed them to focus moreso on their friends the night of the wedding.....which is what I think should happen.

    You are wise to let it roll. 
  • I know it's hard when the "adults" get involved. They are excited and see it as a party [for all those other people they had to go to "parties" for], and sometimes forget what it means to those of us getting married.

    I don't know where you are in the scheme of things, but to me, the rehearsal dinner is for the wedding party. It happens -- well after rehearsal ;)

    If the in-laws would like an opportunity for families to get together and know each other (especially if you have a lot of out-of-town guests), then maybe a brunch the morning after the service (yeah, this might impact your drinking the night before), or something else that might fit your wedding time/day. 

    Heck, at least with brunch, you'll know who really wants to see you (or is really hungry) since it will be a bit of a struggle to get out of bed. 

    Worst case, there are always mimosas.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker


    How am I doing in my attempt to plan this thing in three months? I'm sharing all the good and bad with you, *somewhat unfiltered.*
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