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Bridesmaids Delima

candi2013candi2013
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in Wedding Party
So hastily after my boyfriend and i got engaged, i asked a girl to be my maid of honor, realizing later that we are not as close as i want me and my maid of honor to be, my best friend who i wanted to be lives in Idaho, i don't know how to tell my current MOH that i've chosen someone else... HELP! ADVICE PLEASE!
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Re: Bridesmaids Delima

  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaids-delima?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:aa81c38a-b5e4-4401-b935-4e33cdcf2787Post:d14faf53-8cbe-4627-8c45-8f212fab2cdf">Bridesmaids Delima</a>:
    [QUOTE]So hastily after my boyfriend and i got engaged, i asked a girl to be my maid of honor, realizing later that we are not as close as i want me and my maid of honor to be, my best friend who i wanted to be lives in Idaho, i don't know how to tell my current MOH that i've chosen someone else... HELP! ADVICE PLEASE!
    Posted by candi2013[/QUOTE]

    <div>Sorry, but you're stuck.  Once you ask, you can't unask.  Kicking her out or "demoting" her would be incredibly nasty and a friendship ending move.  That's just not something you do to someone you care about.  </div><div>
    </div><div>Use this as a life lesson about impulsiveness.  </div>
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  • candi2013candi2013
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaids-delima?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:aa81c38a-b5e4-4401-b935-4e33cdcf2787Post:e6d4ef67-3052-49cd-a9a3-4ae95b7dee73">Re: Bridesmaids Delima</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Bridesmaids Delima : Sorry, but you're stuck.  Once you ask, you can't unask.  Kicking her out or "demoting" her would be incredibly nasty and a friendship ending move.  That's just not something you do to someone you care about.   Use this as a life lesson about impulsiveness.  
    Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]


    yes, i completely agree, but seeing as how she doesn't seem to be interested with anything wedding realted. Everytime i ask her about anything she just tells me no she doesn't want to do that, no she doesn't like that, isn't it supposed to be about what i like?!
    she also said "if this is what you really want for your wedding then count me out as your maid of honor, becuase i don't want to do that and i won't compromise becuase i've done that my whole life." i just don't think that's how a MOH should act.
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  • ViczaesarViczaesar member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaids-delima?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:aa81c38a-b5e4-4401-b935-4e33cdcf2787Post:ce019ddd-6a87-4c58-a277-e83243539dfa">Re: Bridesmaids Delima</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaids Delima : yes, i completely agree, but seeing as how she doesn't seem to be interested with anything wedding realted. Everytime i ask her about anything she just tells me no she doesn't want to do that, no she doesn't like that, isn't it supposed to be about what i like?! she also said "if this is what you really want for your wedding then count me out as your maid of honor, becuase i don't want to do that and i won't compromise becuase i've done that my whole life." i just don't think that's how a MOH should act.
    Posted by candi2013[/QUOTE]
    You're wrong.  The title of MOH has nothing to do with planning your wedding.  It simply means that you are honoring that person for being the closest to you, and once given it can't be retracted.  None of your wedding party, including your MOH, have any duties related to your wedding and don't need to want to talk to you about your wedding or do wedding-related chores.

    Out of curiosity, what is it you asked her to do that resulted in her saying "I don't want to do that and I won't compromise because I've done that my whole life"?



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  • PeledreamsofrainPeledreamsofrain member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    MOH doesn't stand for "wedding slave".  Demoting your MOH because she is being honest about you being too demanding is SERIOUSLY nasty, and would make you a pretty crappy person.

    It's YOUR wedding.  Do YOUR own work.  Graciously accept help that is offered, be considerate of other people, and don't have people in your wedding party based on how much labor they can provide (that's incredibly shallow and empty).

    That being said, there's no rule against co-Maid of Honors, though at this point, if you've whined at your current MOH enough, she'll know why you asked another girl, and won't necessarily appreciate it.
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  • samantha24psamantha24p
    500 Comments
    I think we need more details.
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  • msuprincess04msuprincess04 member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    edited September 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaids-delima?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:aa81c38a-b5e4-4401-b935-4e33cdcf2787Post:ce019ddd-6a87-4c58-a277-e83243539dfa">Re: Bridesmaids Delima</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaids Delima : yes, i completely agree, but seeing as how she doesn't seem to be interested with anything wedding realted. Everytime i ask her about anything she just tells me no she doesn't want to do that, no she doesn't like that, isn't it supposed to be about what i like?! Posted by candi2013[/QUOTE]

    When you ask someone their opinion, you run the risk of her saying she doesn't like it. If you don't want to hear that, then you shouldn't ask her. I think you should be happy you have a friend who will be honest with you and tell you what she thinks and not just say "it's great" because it's what you want.
    "There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." -Friedrich Nietzsche, "On Reading and Writing"
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