Explaining a shower to a groom

janeash · April 2012

So everytime I bring up my bridal shower, FI starts getting all worked up about it. He is adamant that he doesn't want our guests having to buy two gifts....one for the shower and one for the wedding. I told him that's what showers are basically for (and tried my best to explain it to him). He still gets upset and wants a better explanation

Can anybody come up with anything else I can tell him other than "that's just the way things are done"???

PS: We are having a couples shower....not really sure how it worked out that way, but it will be fun. Most of the people invited are one half of a couple (Fi's and my joint friends), and because our wedding is in Hawaii, most of the people invited to the shower are not coming to the actual wedding, but they will be coming to our At home reception in July.

notyetavet · April 2012

There is nothing that says that guests have to buy more than one gift. If they choose to buy gifts for the shower and the wedding, then that is their own choice. A gift is not an entry ticket to either event. You are correct that the point of the shower is to "shower" the bride with gifts to set up a new home. If you already have everything you need, you can consider having a small registry or not registering at all. Guests that want to give you gifts will probably give you cash instead. If he is this uncomfortable with the idea of having a shower, you can either decline the event entirely or he doesn't have to be present.

janeash · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_explaining-a-shower-to-a-groom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:232cf223-11c1-408f-b224-228e68d9c928Post:0b763551-7b4e-4bf7-b9c4-2d6ce6c84020">Re: Explaining a shower to a groom</a>:
[QUOTE]There is nothing that says that guests have to buy more than one gift. If they choose to buy gifts for the shower and the wedding, then that is their own choice. A gift is not an entry ticket to either event. You are correct that the point of the shower is to "shower" the bride with gifts to set up a new home. If you already have everything you need, you can consider having a small registry or not registering at all. Guests that want to give you gifts will probably give you cash instead. If he is this uncomfortable with the idea of having a shower, you can either decline the event entirely or <strong>he doesn't have to be present.</strong>
Posted by notyetavet[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Haha that was my suggestion to him, but he doesn't want to miss out on the fun!! I think he is just feeling uncomfortable because he doesn't want guests spending lots of money. I suggested he be very clear with his friends that he doesn't want them to bring a gift. Honestly, we already have everything we need so would be fine if we didn't get "showered with gifts".....we just want to spend some time with our good friends and have a fun time!</div><div>
</div><div>I don't expect anyone to buy us something if they can't afford it, but I don't want anyone feeling like they have to get us something. </div>

notyetavet · April 2012

You can hint to close friends that gifts are not required, but there is no way to control what they spend. I don't think there's a good, etiquette-friendly way to tell people not to buy gifts other than not calling the shower a shower. IMO, people that want to bring gifts are excited and happy for you. Buy some great thank you cards and write heartfelt notes to thank people for attending or thank them for the gift.

TEEDAH226 · April 2012

I wouldn't be much help bc I'm not having one for that reason. Plus our family isn't helping us so the burden of setting up the shower would fall on me and I do not want! Lol

goodine11 · April 2012

Let your FI know that some people will purchase one gift. People know how much they can spend if they can purchase two then they will ,but If their finances does not permit they will .

Explaining a shower to a groom

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