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Dad at the Shower?

positivekpositivek member
First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
in Pre-wedding Parties
Hey all-
Some thoughts on this?

Mom is super shy around people she doesn't know well. She doesn't do anything socially without Dad, unless it involves her family or close circle of friends. That's just Mom.
FMIL plans to throw a shower. I've heard that it's polite to invite the MOB to this (but, if bride's family is also doing a shower- which I'm pretty sure is happening as 1) the families are a few hours away from each other and 2) my aunt just wants to- extended family ok not to invite...my extended wouldn't be feeling it anyway due to the travel, and already having done one shower, and now BOTH families are getting invited to 2 showers, and just, no. It would only be Mom).

Mom likes any opportunity to see me because it's far and few between that I do. I think she'd like going. BUT, likely not on her own, even though I'm there, as she's only met the crowd once. She just feels funny without Dad in unfamiliar environments.

I'm sure FMIL doesn't plan on it being coed, and I know FI's male family members so would not want to be there anyway- it's just not their thing.

Would it be weird for Mom to bring Dad to the shower anyway? Does she have to ask first? I feel like she wouldn't even want to ask "permission" from FMIL, so to speak- she'd basically just want to be like, "Oh and H is coming too" so there's no room for refusal (because she would want to go but on her terms). It's untraditional, but it doesn't bother me, and I guess given I understand her I'm reluctant to dissuade her. But that doesn't mean the other ladies will get it. Him, he's kinda folksy, amiable, gets along with everyone, so it wouldn't be awkward for HIM, but...

Just curious if as a female guest you would find it awkward for any reason? Especially if you're kinda old school?

Thanks!
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Re: Dad at the Shower?

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    MobKazMobKaz member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited January 2013
    If attending the shower requires a drive of several hours, I can understand why your mom might want some company. That's a lot of driving time in one day. What will your FI and his dad be doing the day of the shower? Is there a chance they could all do something together? When we had a shower for my son's FI, her folks flew in for the weekend. We made arrangements for my son and his FFIL to drop "the girls" off at the house. They then went with my husband and all the "local" uncles out for lunch and bowling. It gave DIL's dad a chance to meet the male side of the family prior to the wedding. They had a great time. Your mom would have company during the drive. She could be seated near you during the shower. I think having your dad actually attend the shower, however, would only highlight your mom's anxiousness to the others.
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    positivekpositivek member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_dad-at-the-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:65992ae6-8032-46a9-8781-6e26d507754bPost:e543bb45-b403-4a39-9948-bd6b9fdb700d">Re: Dad at the Shower?</a>:
    [QUOTE]If attending the shower requires a drive of several hours, I can understand why your mom might want some company. That's a lot of driving time in one day. What will your FI and his dad be doing the day of the shower? Is there a chance they could all do something together? When we had a shower for my son's FI, her folks flew in for the weekend. We made arrangements for my son and his FFIL to drop "the girls" off at the house. They then went with my husband and all the "local" uncles out for lunch and bowling. It gave DIL's dad a chance to meet the male side of the family prior to the wedding. They had a great time. Your mom would have company during the drive. She could be seated near you during the shower. <strong>I think having your dad actually attend the shower, however, would only highlight your mom's anxiousness to the others.</strong>
    Posted by mobkaz[/QUOTE]

    <div>That there is...kind of what I was worried about. I'm personally "whatever" about Dad's presence, but I don't want her to viewed as a Nervous Nancy by the fam-to-be either, as no one else is bringing a male guest (and no way am I stepping on toes by suggesting coed, read: "unwilling male guests"- this is FMIL's thing and she calls the shots on this). </div><div>
    </div><div>I didn't clarify, but it's a given that my mom won't be making the drive on her own. She doesn't do solo long trips. I actually thought it would be sensible for the dads, FI and perhaps FI's bro to hang out during the shower, but I wasn't sure if she'd be resistant towards the idea and insist on my dad being at the party with her. I'm going to try to suggest what you did, frame it as a bonding type thing (i.e. it really would be nice for my dad to know FI and FFIL better) but if there's a lot of static...let it go? She wants to be around me so I don't think she'd want to decline altogether, and I don't want any resentment.</div><div>
    </div><div>She's an adult and all but still, I can't help feeling protective of her when it comes to this kind of stuff...</div>
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    bunni727bunni727 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_dad-at-the-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:65992ae6-8032-46a9-8781-6e26d507754bPost:37d0fa18-dd7e-4b5b-b0b4-d4369333eca0">Re: Dad at the Shower?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Dad at the Shower? : That there is...kind of what I was worried about. I'm personally "whatever" about Dad's presence, but I don't want her to viewed as a Nervous Nancy by the fam-to-be either, as no one else is bringing a male guest (and no way am I stepping on toes by suggesting coed, read: "unwilling male guests"- this is FMIL's thing and she calls the shots on this).  I didn't clarify, but it's a given that my mom won't be making the drive on her own. She doesn't do solo long trips. I actually thought it would be sensible for the dads, FI and perhaps FI's bro to hang out during the shower, but I wasn't sure if she'd be resistant towards the idea and insist on my dad being at the party with her. I'm going to try to suggest what you did, frame it as a bonding type thing (i.e. it really would be nice for my dad to know FI and FFIL better) but if there's a lot of static...let it go? She wants to be around me so I don't think she'd want to decline altogether, and I don't want any resentment. She's an adult and all but still, I can't help feeling protective of her when it comes to this kind of stuff...
    Posted by positivek[/QUOTE]

    Can you ask the shower hosts about it, then let your parents sort it out? Something like: "Hey FMIL, Dad's going to be making the drive with mom when she comes out for the shower. He hasn't made definite plans for while he is here, but I hope it's okay with you if he decides to come to the shower."

    That way, with clearance from the host, your parents are able to decide what they feel comfortable doing on their own time, and it sounds like it is more of a dad-seeing-his-daughter thing than a mom-can't-go-alone thing.
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