dilemma...

lucky713 · November 2009

long story short, I got engaged a few months ago, my best friend and I were having issues yet I still asked her to be my moh (after her mom made a comment so I felt a little forced to ask her to be moh). me and the bff dont talk at all for about three months and might hang out for the first time again in a couple of days. In these last couple months I have thought about not having an moh and just having bridesmaids or having my 16 year old cousin (we're really close) be the moh. I dont know what to say to the bff especially because I dont want to like demote her but at the same time, a lot has changed in these last couple of months...suggestions?

oh, and the wedding isnt going to be til around summer 2011, so there's still a lot of time til the wedding and nothing has been planned

aerinpegadrak · November 2009

Well, you already jumped the gun on the WP, which should have waited until summer 2010. So there's that.

Is the only issue that you haven't seen each other lately? Really? I've talked to my MOH once in the past month. She's busy, I'm busy. Only two of my five BMs live in the state, so I see the other three once a year if that. There has to be more to this story.

Bottom line, you can't demote her to BM or kick her out altogether unless you're okay with her never speaking to you again, because she probably won't.

stina93446 · November 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_dilemma-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:1d7917f0-1111-481d-9e3d-c17becdfe177Post:2e1128a1-14aa-40b9-83da-78ccd20db45b">dilemma...</a>:
[QUOTE]long story short, I got engaged a few months ago, my best friend and I were having issues yet I still asked her to be my moh (after her mom made a comment so I felt a little forced to ask her to be moh). me and the bff dont talk at all for about three months and might hang out for the first time again in a couple of days. In these last couple months I have thought about not having an moh and just having bridesmaids or having my 16 year old cousin (we're really close) be the moh. I dont know what to say to the bff especially because I dont want to like demote her but at the same time, a lot has changed in these last couple of months...suggestions? oh, and the wedding isnt going to be til around summer 2011, so there's still a lot of time til the wedding and nothing has been planned
Posted by lucky713[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>First off, ditto on not piking your BP. You picked them WAY too early. </div><div>
</div><div>That being said, it sounds like you are demoting your friend and trying to promote your cousin. Do not do this....either promote cousin and be done with it, or leave it the way it is. Any other way is a huge slight to the original girl.

</div>

duckie1905 · November 2009

If you no longer care about her or the friendship then demote her or kick her out. that is a friendship ending move.

As aerin said, it was entirely too early for you to pick your WP but since that can't be undone you have to more forward and accept your decision. I mean, she must be your best friend for a reason. Maybe concentrate a little more no the friendship and worry a little less about her as your MOH.

gottahavashorti · November 2009

Don't demote her. It's okay to have two maids of honor though, so your cousin could be co-MOH if you'd like.

emilyinchile · November 2009

Is this MUD? It sounds like the summary of about half the posts on this board. If not...go read half the posts on this board, and you'll see that the answer is basically "you made you bed, lie in it."

banana468 · November 2009

I think you need to relax a bit.

If the wedding isn't for over a year, don't even worry about things until you're six months out.

Then, it's never acceptable to demote however if your MOH decides that she'd rather attend as a guest, she can decide that come next winter/spring.

jms1019 · November 2009

First off, I can really relate to your dilemma. I know how hard it is to lose touch with a once close friend and having to make decisions this big about a friendship that feels uncertain.

My advice would be to not worry about the bridesmaids for now. 6-9 months before your wedding if you and your friend aren't close I'd suggest talking to her about how she feels about being your MOH. They usually have the job of throwing the bridal shower and she might feel awkward if she too is not feeling that close to you. However, you might see how excited she is for getting that honor and it might be a good thing to revitialize your friendship. You can still honor your cousin by asking her to be a bridesmaid or even a coMOH (though make sure you let your current one know about that first).

Don't feel bad about asking BP early on, hindsight is 20/20 and it can be very exciting planning such a wonderful event. Congratulations on your engagement.

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