My Mother and I disagree over who to walk me down the aisle

Mchristopher932 · July 2012

I want to start by saying I LOVE MY MOTHER,

I just got engaged. I mean days ago and my mother and I are already having wedding conflicts. My father passed away just over three years ago and I have asked my godfather to walk me down the aisle. We are very close and he is the only family member that I want doing this. My mom is not close to my Dad's side of the family and my godfather is on that side. She has never stated an opinion on this but when she found out she said that she wanted HER uncle to walk me down the aisle. When I declined, she then said that she wants my brother to do . I once again declined and tried to explain to her that she is making me feel that this is not my wedding and that she is not respecting something that I feel very strongly about. Now she wants to do it herself and said it is her right to give me away.

On one side I can agree that she has a claim to give me away, but I feel that she is just throwing darts until she finds an argument that works, and that this is more about excluding my dad's family than wanting to do this.

I have thought about having my Godfather walk me down the aisle, meet my mom at the front row and have her give me away. Will this be awkward?

Also . . . If I give in and compromise on this important detail is it failing to set boundaries and will my overbearing mother take over our wedding?

ElleB87 · July 2012

It's not your mothers wedding. It's yours. If you choose to have someone walk you down the aisle, it's YOUR choice. You can also choose to walk down by yourself or walk down with your FI or if you really want to you can have your mother/god father/whoever walk you down. Your mother is out of line trying to force/guilt you into choosing her.

mcskatcat · July 2012

This is one of those things I don't think others should have any influence on. I especially think it would be in poor taste to un-ask your godfather if you already asked him. I would just avoid the subject with your mom. If she does bring it up, tell her the decision has been made and you did what you're comfortable with.

morenachica110 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_my-mother-and-i-disagree-over-who-to-walk-me-down-the-aisle?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:bbd98c1b-0d89-4184-808f-6f8efd77d3e3Post:47d87d9e-2f50-4c64-8123-d97212517c4e">Re: My Mother and I disagree over who to walk me down the aisle</a>:
[QUOTE]This is one of those things I don't think others should have any influence on. I especially think it would be in poor taste to un-ask your godfather if you already asked him. I would just avoid the subject with your mom. If she does bring it up, tell her the decision has been made and you did what you're comfortable with.
Posted by mcskatcat[/QUOTE]

<div>Exactly this. Your heart seems to tell you that you want your godfather to walk you (and you already asked him). She should let it go. I would tell her that its been decided and move on. If she tries to bring it up again, I'd just change the subject.</div>

MyNameIsNot · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_my-mother-and-i-disagree-over-who-to-walk-me-down-the-aisle?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:bbd98c1b-0d89-4184-808f-6f8efd77d3e3Post:47d87d9e-2f50-4c64-8123-d97212517c4e">Re: My Mother and I disagree over who to walk me down the aisle</a>:
[QUOTE]This is one of those things I don't think others should have any influence on. I especially think it would be in poor taste to un-ask your godfather if you already asked him. I would just avoid the subject with your mom. If she does bring it up, tell her the decision has been made and you did what you're comfortable with.
Posted by mcskatcat[/QUOTE]

<div>While I agree with this, I can see how it could be hurtful to the mother that you didn't ask her. It would be different if she hadn't been involved in raising you, but it doesn't seem like that was the case. She might be poo pooing the god father because her feelings are hurt.</div><div>
</div><div>Anyway, since it is your decision and she doesn't get a say, just avoid the subject and tell her that it's not up for discussion. She'll eventually get over it.</div>

cornflwr33 · July 2012

It is your wedding.. I was in your shows in 1999... it was 2 years since my dad passed. I talked with my mom... it was up to me if i even wanted anyone to give me away. I wanted my dads best friend to.... and they did... came down from maine to connecticut to be there for me.... was one of the best moments of my wedding.

Don't budge if this is what you want.. it's your wedding... you go with your Godfather:)

It's now been 15 years since my passed and I miss him everyday. This time around (2nd wedding... ).... I'm not having anyone give me away:)

Good luck

I'm sure everything will be fine!

oh and

CONGRATS!!!!!

Mchristopher932 · July 2012

Thanks girls.

I am going to have my godfather walk me down, meet my mother in the front row and have her "hand me off". If the "giving away" is that important to her I want to respect that, and I just want my godfather to keep me grounded walking down that aisle. I will talk to her about it once she stops all of the guerilla tactics. The actual "transaction" of it never crossed my mind because my FH and I are 30. This is both of our first marraige though and my parents have provided a LOT of support and I want her to know I appreciate it.

460 more days!

HobokensFury · July 2012

Just going to add that my godfather was the one that walked me down the aisle. You can choose who ever you want.

holbpisc · July 2012

If you and your godfather are close, I think this is a lovely idea. Or your mother can walk you down the aisle, it doesn't have to be a man.

arendiva · August 2012

I think you're mom is being petty. It would be one thing if she had asked to walk you down the aisle first. But the fact that she suggested 2 other people before suggesting herself tells me that she doesn't actually care if it's her that walks you down the aisle, all she cares about is that she gets to pick who does. This is a control issue. If you are having problems with her only a few days into the engagement than you need to draw a line in the sand. If you give her this inch she will keep taking a many miles as she can and she will completely take over your wedding.

MobKaz · August 2012

Hopefully, time will be on your side. Of all the wedding decisions and plans to be made, you inadvertently started out discussing one of the more emotional and significant aspects of a wedding. Your mom is just beginning to adjust to the engagement news. If you are one of the first in the family to marry, your mom may not be aware of all the changes that have occurred in terms of wedding planning. I was overwhelmed initially when my daughter became engaged. Things are incredibly different now; although I must say, for the most part, for the better. Give your mom a little time to adjust to your news as well as the new trends.

My Mother and I disagree over who to walk me down the aisle

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