Moving to Scotland immediately after the wedding - any way to recommend money gifts?

Re: Moving to Scotland immediately after the wedding - any way to recommend money gifts?

• GoodLuckBear14 member

  

  February 2013 edited February 2013

  Read the responses to the post exactly eight down from this one:
  
  http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_traveling-bride
  
  And the one eighteen down from yours:
  
  http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_asking-for-money-or-gift-cards-instead-of-gifts

  Proud to be an old married hag!!

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• brielleinlove member

  

  February 2013 edited February 2013

  I would guess that if these 30-40 people know you well, they will know that you are moving to Scotland.  I'd also guess that they are intelligent enough to know that bulky gifts are not practical when planning such a move.

  
  

  Assume that your guests a) know what is going on with you, and b) are capable of making logical connections, so will realize that cash is the most practical gift without you needing to come up with some "cutesey" (aka tacky) way of grubbing for their cash.

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• AdeleDazeem member

  

  February 2013

  Potluck reception?  And you want guests to give you money on top that?
  
  Oh honey, no.

  
  

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• AlexsBride2015

  

  February 2013 edited February 2013

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_moving-to-scotland-immediately-after-the-wedding-any-way-to-recommend-money-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:92224867-2726-4b22-a416-1517972e80faPost:e5df671b-e93c-4aa5-86bd-aa1e9206dceb">Re: Moving to Scotland immediately after the wedding - any way to recommend money gifts?</a>:
  [QUOTE]Potluck reception?  And you want guests to give you money on top that? Oh honey, no.
  Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]
  
  I don't "want" them to give us money.....my point is that if they would like to give a gift, I was wondering how to let them know we can't really handle toasters, dishes, candle sticks, etc.  If they don't want to give us anything, that is fine, we don't really need it.  I just wondered if anyone had ever been in this situation and how they handled it.
  
  I'm NOT "grubbing" for money, just trying to let people know our situation.
  
  And the potluck reception was the general consensus for a great way for everyone to feel included and have a good time - it isn't my preference.  god, you all make it sound like I'm going to start charging admission or something......this is a family/friends get-together that will be almost more of a going away party than a reception.  We're happening to be getting married prior to it.....  Maybe you should ask around before you start judging us for having a potluck get-together for a reception.
  
  Thank you to folks who posted some input and not just accusations or judgements.

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• hoffse member

  

  February 2013

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_moving-to-scotland-immediately-after-the-wedding-any-way-to-recommend-money-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:92224867-2726-4b22-a416-1517972e80faPost:0178af88-c700-4316-8281-e5b0a9df658b">Re: Moving to Scotland immediately after the wedding - any way to recommend money gifts?</a>:
  [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Moving to Scotland immediately after the wedding - any way to recommend money gifts? : I don't "want" them to give us money.....my point is that if they would like to give a gift, I was wondering how to let them know we can't really handle toasters, dishes, candle sticks, etc.  If they don't want to give us anything, that is fine, we don't really need it.  I just wondered if anyone had ever been in this situation and how they handled it. I'm NOT "grubbing" for money, just trying to let people know our situation. And the potluck reception was the general consensus for a great way for everyone to feel included and have a good time - it isn't my preference.  god, you all make it sound like I'm going to start charging admission or something......this is a family/friends get-together that will be almost more of a going away party than a reception.  We're happening to be getting married prior to it.....  Maybe you should ask around before you start judging us for having a potluck get-together for a reception. Thank you to folks who posted some input and not just accusations or judgements.
  Posted by AlexsBride2015[/QUOTE]
  
  <div>The best you can do is make a very small registry of packable items (ie: bedding, which I hear is very expensive in the UK and should be bought state-side anyway).  A small registry indicates a preference for cash.  Other than that, sorry - no way to do this politely.</div><div>
  </div><div>And I would rethink the potluck reception.  Not only is it rude to ask guests to basically feed themselves (a properly hosted reception means that the host provides all the food and drink), but it could be unhealthy.  Most venues require all food be from a licensed provider for a reason.  Food that is not properly cooked or kept at safe temperatures can cause food poisoning.  I promise you do not want to be the bride whose wedding made her guests sick.  Even if grandma prepared that potato salad correctly in her kitchen, there is no guarantee that it is kept at sanitary temperatures through the length of a reception.  I know in GA any venue that serves food to the public MUST be licensed.  It's probably the same in your state.</div>

  

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• AlexsBride2015

  

  February 2013

  I guess I will just have to deal with the food  and gift inquiries privately with my friends and family.  I was hoping for some considerate input here and can see my situation doesn't go over well with the mainstream.
  
  That's ok.  The hand-fasting and celebration will be special because of who are involved, not because we fit any media-sponsored "bridal ideal".  Thanks anyway.
  
     )O(
  
  

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• brielleinlove member

  

  February 2013 edited February 2013

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_moving-to-scotland-immediately-after-the-wedding-any-way-to-recommend-money-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:92224867-2726-4b22-a416-1517972e80faPost:b8a66af8-8279-4a66-9b1e-18bf02016a48">Re: Moving to Scotland immediately after the wedding - any way to recommend money gifts?</a>:
  [QUOTE]I guess I will just have to deal with the food  and gift inquiries privately with my friends and family.  I was hoping for some considerate input here and can see my situation doesn't go over well with the mainstream. That's ok.  The hand-fasting and celebration will be special because of who are involved, not because we fit any media-sponsored "bridal ideal".  Thanks anyway.    )O(
  Posted by AlexsBride2015[/QUOTE]
  
  <div>Sweetheart, my wedding is not fitting the "media sponsored bridal ideal" either.  I'm wearing a short white dress I found at the Gap, having 42 guests, skipping dancing/a DJ, and hosting (yes, HOSTING) a simple three-course dinner for my guests at a restaurant.  You can have a small, intimate, simple wedding without being tacky and rude.</div>

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• GoodLuckBear14 member

  

  February 2013

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_moving-to-scotland-immediately-after-the-wedding-any-way-to-recommend-money-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:92224867-2726-4b22-a416-1517972e80faPost:b8a66af8-8279-4a66-9b1e-18bf02016a48">Re: Moving to Scotland immediately after the wedding - any way to recommend money gifts?</a>:
  [QUOTE]I guess I will just have to deal with the food  and gift inquiries privately with my friends and family.  I was hoping for some considerate input here and can see my situation doesn't go over well with the mainstream. That's ok.  The hand-fasting and celebration will be special because of who are involved, not because we fit any media-sponsored "bridal ideal".  Thanks anyway.    )O(
  Posted by AlexsBride2015[/QUOTE]
  
  Don't get all butt hurt because people are trying to stop you from making a total and complete ass out of yourself.  Asking for money (no matter how you phrase it) and having a potluck reception (no matter how you justify it) are the two rudest things you can do.

  Proud to be an old married hag!!

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• AlexsBride2015

  

  February 2013

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_moving-to-scotland-immediately-after-the-wedding-any-way-to-recommend-money-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:92224867-2726-4b22-a416-1517972e80faPost:56f8b595-7fa7-4f6e-b52b-90941dd7ecea">Re: Moving to Scotland immediately after the wedding - any way to recommend money gifts?</a>:
  [QUOTE]Receptions are not for the couple.  They are FOR THE GUESTS, which is why they are called receptions.  The couple RECEIVES family and friends who attended the wedding, and offers hospitality (food and drink) to them, since one never hosts a social function of any kind without offering refreshments appropriate to the time of day. Receptions are not, and never have been, an after-wedding party for the bride and groom.  The parties for the couple are the bridal shower, bachelorette party and bachelor party. This is why it's rude to have a potluck reception.  You are asking the guests to cater their own party. This has nothing to do with the "common wedding" or "traditional wedding."    TRADITION and ETIQUETTE are two entirely different things. What you are doing, whether this is what you actually intend or not:  "Come to our wedding and celebrate wonderful us, us, us!  Bring the food because we can't be bothered to spend the money to feed you.  Oh - and don't forget to bring us a nice gift - and we don't want stuff. We want you to give us some of the money you earned working at your job." Asking the guests to spend their time and money to cook a dish to feed your company isn't a way to "include" them in anything. Think of what they are doing: Guest takes time out of their busy life to get dressed up and attend your wedding. This may involve travel expenses and/or a day off work (perhaps without pay).  They will take time to go shopping for ingredients and cook the dish you want them to prepare.   If that isn't enough, you want them to write you a check, too. "Aren't we special.  Making food for us is such a privilege for our friends! It makes them feelso special for OUR wedding." What rude, entitled behavior...... Please, please, please let this be a troll post.
  Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]
  
  And your labelling of my friends and family members who have <strong>asked </strong>that we do a pot-luck component to our ceremony ISN'T Rude???   All of you who live in different parts of the country, or travel in different circles, aren't necessarily the Wedding Experts you think you are.  Wow....the rudeness and insults I've gotten just from asking for some input on a situation I've never dealt with before have far out-weighed any danger I may have been in forever scarring the social psyche of people who have known me forever.
  
  Ok, I get it - about the impression that might be misinterpreted if I say anything about gifts. Thank you to the folks who gave reasonable answers and suggestions, I appreciate it.  I have decided to not say anything, except to give an honest answer if asked.
  
  As to how we decide to do the gathering following our ceremony - that will be determined by myself and my friends who wish to be involved.  Our personal community is very different than most of yours by the sounds of it; bless the gods.
  
  And I've certainly learned a very sharp lesson about contributing to online forums.....  Best to keep my mouth shut and just observe.  It's an easier way to weed out the self-styled rabid Experts, in this case - on all things Wedding.
  
  Please please please....don't bother to be retreaded again.  Give the guys a break.

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