Pre-wedding Parties

Tables Have Turned

I am my cousins MOH and trying to plan her shower.  Her other bridesmaids live at least 45 minutes away and so the bulk of planning, ideas, purchasing items, etc. falls on me.  I don't mind this at all but the other girls are making it difficult to get anything done and we are just under 1 month away.  The other girls each have great ideas and I def. want to use them but instead of actually getting anything they keep sending me links and wanting to share ideas rather than actually making a decision.  I tried messaging them saying that since we are getting close to the date we need to get some definite things nailed down....their seperate responses each agreed we needed to get a move in....yet they sent me more links for suggestions.  My frustration also comes in that I am a newlywed, married just in June.  My cousin was my MOH and now I'm returning the "favor".  The problem is that I love her as tho she were my sister - that's why we both took the MOH roles for each other.  However, she doesn't really hold down jobs, is very lazy, and relies on everyone else to do anything for her (including planning her own wedding.)   She doesn't mind inconviencing others to help her get stuff done.  During my shower planning my bridesmaids and MIL constantly complained to me how they had to do everything because she wouldn't give them any direction and they didn't want to step on toes....It felt awful for someone who I love and trusted in this role to treat my friends and MIL in so poorly.  Basically, it's frustrating/ironic that she did so little and basically didn't care about my shower yet now I'm the one who has to do everything for hers.  I love her and would never complain or say any of this to her and cause her any stress or make her upset but it just goes to show the old saying is true - do unto others and you would have done unto you.  Funny how when she was my MOH she didn't want to do anything (she really didn't realize what the MOH role entails when you plan the shower) yet for her shower she has made so many demands and keeps adding the invite and asking me to help her with other wedding issues.   Just wanted to get some weight off my chest because like I said I do care and am happy to have this role and be an important person in her life/marriage but just a little frustrated!

Re: Tables Have Turned

  • KfmarriedKfmarried member
    Sixth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    If you can't get solid info from the other BMs, I recommend that you just make the decisions and go for it.  If they complain later that their ideas didn't get used, then you can just explain that you didn't have the time to get after them. 
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  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 Figment of Your Imagination member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited December 2011
    ITA. If you are the hostess, then you can make the decisions and get it all done.  Now, if they are helping pay for the shower or co-hosting it, then I would do my best to make sure they helped with the decisions or at least approved of the ones I made.  But if it's just you, then take the suggestions you like and can afford and run with it. 

    As to the rest of it... well, you've known her for how long?  And she's always been like that?  Getting married isn't going to change her.  You love her the way she is - what else did you expect from her?
  • edited December 2011
    How about a conference call with the bridesmaids? Or send an email to all, thanking everyone for their great input and saying "Based on info I've received, here are some things I think would be good" ... and list your best ideas for each aspect of the shower. Ask if anyone has any objections, to speak up in 24 hours because you need to proceed. You might make a joke and say "No more suggestions! It's decision time."
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