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good friends who arent bridesmaids

lmvas4lmvas4 member
First Anniversary First Comment
in Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions
My fiancee and I are wanting to only have 4 BM/GM at our wedding. I have 2 girlfriends whom I am very close with bit will not be hrodesmaids d/t the size of our wedding party. Any suggestions on others ways to have them be a part of our day? Neither would care to be a personal attendant and we are planning for that role to be for my future SIL.

Thanks!
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Re: good friends who arent bridesmaids

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    daria24daria24 member
    First Comment First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer
    We only wanted a MOH/BM, but I had two really good friends that I wanted to be with me that day. I asked them to hang out with me and get ready together. In the program I had a line thanking them for supporting me during the planning process. 

    As Stage said, the only other "honors" are reader and, certain relgiious traditions, like bringing up the gifts at a Catholic ceremony, lighting the candles for the Unity candle, etc.
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    yellowdaisies84yellowdaisies84 member
    Name Dropper First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited September 2012
    You could include them in your getting ready process. Do you have room for them in your limo? Would they enjoy having breakfast with you? Maybe tell them where you are having your hair and make-up done. If they wanted to get their hair done too, maybe they could come do it at the same place. You can also involve them in planning activities leading up to your wedding. Bring them dress shopping or ask them if they want to come help you shop for your shoes.

    They will probably enjoy sharing these experiences with you and feel involved in the wedding even if they are not bridsmaids. Just be a little careful- never make it feel like they are obligated to do anything because they could get irritated if they feel obligated to help you out with wedding things even though you didn't ask them to be bridesmaids. You know them better than I do so you can judge what they would like.

    If you're staying in a hotel the night before the wedding, you can invite them to stay with you and have a girls night before the wedding. I was at a wedding once where I was not a bridesmaid but the bride did all of the above things and I felt so included. I was so touched. I didn't need or want a specific "role" such as a guestbook attendant or anything like that.  
    "It's always better when we're together." -Jack Johnson
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    yellowdaisies84yellowdaisies84 member
    Name Dropper First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_good-friends-who-arent-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:a6c9efb8-822a-4d66-b988-69c40e972561Post:58fa126f-d673-4278-8d70-360e11d83c52">Re: good friends who arent bridesmaids</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: good friends who arent bridesmaids : Please don't do this.  At best, they'll feel obligated to come help you pick out dresses that they have no interest in, at worst it will be a slap in the face if they were hoping to be BMs.  Also, it will be awkard for your ACTUAL BMs.
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    Well, it reallly depends on the situation. I helped my friend with dress shopping when I was not one of her bridesmaids and I loved it- and there was no obligation, I was very interested in going, and it was not offensive at all.
    I'm having a family-only wedding, and one of my friends who is not invited to the wedding has been asking me if she can come dress shopping with me.
    As I said in my post, you do need to be careful. It can definitely be rude to make someone feel obligated to do wedding-related things when you didn't ask them to be your bridesmaid. You have to be careful and fully aware of your situation.
    "It's always better when we're together." -Jack Johnson
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    Julie2013Julie2013
    First Comment
    A friend and I were guestbook attendants at a mutual friend's wedding. 
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    stumpie3stumpie3
    Name Dropper First Comment First Anniversary
    I have a really good friend - she was actually my babysitter - I haven't yet but I am going to invite her to spend the day getting ready with us.  she LIVES for that stuff - I think you know your friends if they would enjoy that or not.  also she is going to say a prayer with me before I walk down the isle which is VERY important for her.

    My group of friends from HS is still really close so a friend that got married last year had each of the girls meet her in the "get ready" room and gave them a yellow flower which they were to take to the empty vase at the front of the ceremony before they sat down (so like not during the ceremony) I'm not sure if I am explaining that well...she said it was called a friendship ceremony she found it somewhere.  then they were "up there" with her...never heard what any of them thought about it so no compliants either. 
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    Julie2013Julie2013
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_good-friends-who-arent-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:a6c9efb8-822a-4d66-b988-69c40e972561Post:ee763e9b-35f8-40b7-8d22-9b2f815a7d12">Re: good friends who arent bridesmaids</a>:
    [QUOTE]Guest Book Attendant ranks just below Personal Attendant in List of Worst Wedding Ideas. NOBODY, for the love of God, needs a "guest book attendant."  People do not need to be told how to pick up pens and write their names. "Hello, welcome to Joe and Sue's wedding, please sign the guest book, "Hello, welcome to Joe and Sue's wedding, please sign the guest book, "Hello, welcome to Joe and Sue's wedding, please sign the guest book, "Hello, welcome to Joe and Sue's wedding, please sign the guest book, "Hello, welcome to Joe and Sue's wedding, please sign the guest book, "Hello, welcome to Joe and Sue's wedding, please sign the guest book, "Hello, welcome to Joe and Sue's wedding, please sign the guest book,"..... Does THAT sound like a privilege and an honor for a friend?  Yeah...they'll just love doing that while everyone else enjoys the celebration...... 
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

    Actually, my friend and I wondered what the point was, too. Everybody walking in the door already knew to sign the book. It's like we were just added decor. We would have prefered to be guests.
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    Julie2013Julie2013
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_good-friends-who-arent-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:a6c9efb8-822a-4d66-b988-69c40e972561Post:904092b8-dcf1-48e8-ae98-117eb2ff8cf1">Re: good friends who arent bridesmaids</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ugh.  That must have been super awkard.  I'm sorry that happened to you.
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

    LOL Thanks. The duty itself wasn't near as awkward as what she had us wear! It was a hot pink, shiny halter dress with a black peekaboo lace sheath dress over it. My friend and I felt like we were wearing lingerie! Funny, her husband was headed into the ministry and this was a very conservative crowd -- with us to greet them! This was 30 years ago, so it's pretty funny now. :)
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    Julie2013Julie2013
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_good-friends-who-arent-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:a6c9efb8-822a-4d66-b988-69c40e972561Post:eab54478-e73e-48db-8532-bb45a028c919">Re: good friends who arent bridesmaids</a>:
    [QUOTE]Are you kidding me??? She made you get a special dress just do that? Now I REALLY feel for you.  That's a crappy job to give people ("I didn't want you as a bridesmaid, so I thought up this silly busywork for you to do so you'll think you're being honored"), and to expect them to buy special attire is appalling. Dress sounds like early-80s Madonna. I bet you never wore that again, but I hope you did get pics. That IS hilarious thirty years later!!!
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

    Yep, it was the 80s! And everybody thinks our picture is hilarious except the bride! Ha ha ha!!!  Oh, what we won't do for a friend .... :)
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    Julie2013Julie2013
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_good-friends-who-arent-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:a6c9efb8-822a-4d66-b988-69c40e972561Post:b1b1aa2a-8bfe-406a-b645-3cfcdc11c610">Re: good friends who arent bridesmaids</a>:
    [QUOTE]Can you post the pic?
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

    I'll see if I can get a copy! It's definitely worth a laugh. I don't have a picture but the bride does.  
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    Lisa50Lisa50 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    Seriously, no one wants to be a personal attendant.  Invite each of your friends (with the option of bringing a guest); both will have a great time.
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    Julie2013Julie2013
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_good-friends-who-arent-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:a6c9efb8-822a-4d66-b988-69c40e972561Post:e2eb3262-e396-47a6-8cd1-a6b65ae232a8">Re: good friends who arent bridesmaids</a>:
    [QUOTE]I've GOT to see that.
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

    Sorry, Retread, but I don't think the bride is going to hand over the picture. I'm wondering if it's worse than I remember for her to be giving me the brush off like this!
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    catloverdcatloverd
    First Comment
    Do they even want to be a part of your wedding day? From the sounds if they just want to be guests. If they do want something to do, being an usher wouldn't be so bad. I was one for my cousin's wedding. It was simple. She just had me and my sister hand out programs and a little bag of sand (for the sand ceremony) to guests entering the ceremony. It was nice, easy job, and then it was over. We were free for the ceremony and reception. 
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