I don't know where to put this, its a destination/vow renewal and if this is in the wrong category please someone be kind and direct me the right one.
So, my husband and I have been together years before we married. We had a wedding set up before he had left to boot camp but before the wedding planning got to be in full swing many conflicts arose (not military related). I didn't care anymore about the wedding and just wanted to be married. He agreed and we both decided when the milestone came up we would celebrate the 8 years we have been together throughout. So, in the midst of him leaving, me going to school, graduating, packing everything by myself to leave to Hawaii in only three days (that was a rush!) the VR was in the back of our minds. Not a big blow out like my BIL and SIL's this year (it was HUUUUUGE) but a small intimate one with just our families and us. We both have big families and it will be more of them than our friends.
There are many conflicts in the way though.
1. Location: I was going to plan the VR in our homestate while living in Hawaii but that is almost next to impossible. It can be done but it will be harder, especially since we will be doing it on our own. Our families are busy and we don't want to ask them to do something like this if they are busy. So, naturally the next step was maybe having it here in this state. My husband loves the idea..me..not so much. I have nothing against doing the thing here and it would be a great idea but wouldn't it be selfish to ask people to fly here?
Our families (meaning our parents) think it is a great idea. They have been wanting to come up here for ages and if anything it is a great way to have a vacation for them. My mother, my stepfather and siblings would stay with us, I would pay for my father, his girlfriend and my paternal grandmother to stay at a hotel nearby that is five minutes away from here. So, that seemed to work but the discerning voice of a certain relative stated it would be selfish because other members (aunts, uncles,etc) would not be able to come. Which leads us to...
2. Guest List: That is not exactly true on her part. I understand that not everyone would be able to come to Hawaii for financial or other reasons. I totally get that and would not be upset in any way. Most of my relatives are once a year relatives so I'm not really close to them but I would still like them to come.
My fiance and I decided to find a hotel that does a discounted price and that way our guests wouldn't have to spend so much on a place to stay. In addition to this HIS parents have a timeshare on this island so some or most of his relatives will stay with them. We would be sending out the invites this October, 11 months away from the VR. I suppose that gives people time to figure out if they want to come or not and we were going to put a note stating that we will find discounted hotels and transportation. I don't really know when to put the RSVP date though so I will have to research it.
In addition to this, I thought for those who couldn't come I would send a DVD and maybe a little giftbox just so people would know we were thinking about them.
3. Finances. This is actually not a problem. Just how do I tell people (certain relatives) to stay out of it? I don't want people asking about how much money it is. Especially since I have found budgets and discounts that will help us save as well as smaller DIY things.
4. Ceremony. A rather *lovely* relative pushed her way into our courthouse ceremony and there was some unresolved drama. This same relative told us we should not have a ceremony but a reception. However, the one we had was rather impersonal and we want to add religious and personal touches. I feel that a VR should have some meaning to it. I asked my dad to say something and maybe play the guitar. My husband's dad will read a poem in Spanish and there will be some religious aspects in there that is more personal.
.Despite calmly telling this to my relative, it still isn't good enough and I am at my wits end with her. With all the negativity she feels about everything, I almost want to tell her not to bother to come but it would be rude. Yet is she right?
I don't know what to do anymore. I almost feel pressured by some (not all, actually the majority have told me to do it in HI so they can come see the state-oops, I mean us) to give up and just do the VR in our homestate with it being big and with so many people and using some old ideas I had vs. having a small intimate one in Hawaii with much more scaled down things. I don't know how to plan it long distance and here I feel like I would get more help.
Sorry.