Second Weddings
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Second Wedding Guest List Advice

Hi there girls-

I posted this in the 'Etiquette' section, but thought you might be able to give me some sound advice here.  I've been lurking on this board for a bit and love the kind and respectful dialogue that you have going.  It's wonderful to see you support each other. 

That said, here's my question:

FI and I are newly engaged and planning a small, family-oriented wedding for June of next year. This is a second wedding for both of us, and our goal is to have an intimate, fun, meaningful event that includes our children and our family, and just a few close friends. We really want those who are closest to us to be in attendance, but we need to be mindful of guest lists as we are footing 100% of the bill.

We have been thinking that we may ask my Aunt & Uncle if we could have the wedding and reception in their backyard, they have a beatuiful home with a large yard on an inland lake. The problem then comes with the guest list...

We'd like to keep the total guest list to about 50 people or so. If we hold the event at my Aunt & Uncle's home, we would need to invite my cousins-their children-to the wedding. I have a very large family, with lots of aunts, uncles, and cousins scattered all across the country. If I invite the local aunts, uncles, and cousins, am I required to invite everyone from everywhere? If that's the case, the guest list is going to very very quickly balloon to nearly 100 people, and I'm just not sure of the right way to handle this.

Any thoughts or advise are greatly appreciated.
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Meddied since 6/15/13!

Re: Second Wedding Guest List Advice

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    Thanks for that thought.  Yes, I was planning on inviting their children, but just didn't know if that meant I had to invite ALL of my cousins from Timbuktoo and back.  The cousins I have here in town I see fairly regularly, but the ones in Florida and Alabama and on the Cape I see once every few years, so it's just not practical.  I don't want to hurt feelings, but I'm thinking that will be easier said than done. 

    Thanks again.

    image
    Meddied since 6/15/13!
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    They will probably be grateful to not have to come up with an excuse to not travel to a wedding for someone they see twice a decade.

    If anyone protests to you, just say, "oh, you know, second wedding and all, keeping it small & low key.  How 'bout them (sports team)"   
    I'd share your guest list in advance with your aunt, so she doesn't get blindsided, and feel obligated to do something, since it's her house.  Or doesn't assume that she can openly invite people, since it's her house.  She may feel differently than you about certain cousins, or know that her sister Mary's nose will be all out of joint if her kids are left off, and not want to deal with that. 

    If somebody ELSE comes to you with information that second cousin Henry is taking his lack of an invitation personally, I'd ask them what their purpose is in telling you that (often just pot stirring), how the responded to cousin Henry (more pot stirring), and tell them that if anyone else expresses concern to refer them directly to YOU, and not to carry any messages. 

    Invite the people who will celebrate with you.  Obligatory invitations are a burden for the issuer & the receiver. ~Donna
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    Welcome to the board and congratulations on your engagement.

    I did not invite all of my cousins, only the ones with whom I have close relationships.  No one got themselves in a snit over it.  

    Remember to be polite and not discuss wedding plans with (or around) those who are not invited.  Enjoy!

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