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North Carolina

Musical chairs..bridesmaids..whats the difference anymore!

So throughout my wedding planning process I have probably been through about 10 bridemaids..its like who's still there when the music stops literally. I do not want 10 bridesmaids by any means, but my bm's have been the least supportive people ever! My first set of bridesmaids I thought were perfect until: my best friend decides to stop talking to me because I said it was stupid for her to cheat on her bf who is fighting in the war to go cross country and visit her ex who she almost had to call the cops on for showing up to her house unannounced and harrassing her and her mom..and she still won't talk to me(its been about 2 months). I told her she needed to grow up and she can't give me the silent treatment every time I say something she doesn't like. Another bm that I had, I thought we were friends until we graduated and she was telling everyone we use to work with the only reason she hung out with me is because I helped her with group projects and homework and I quote "I usually don't hang out with black girls"..like wth does that mean?  I saw her once after graduation and she was smiling in my face and buddy buddy only because she found out my dad passed away. To make a long story short..I feel like I don't need to pick my bm's until two weeks before my wedding because i'll probably have someone else who is smiling in my face and then fake and full of attitude behind my back. Is it wrong for me to just get rid of all of them and start over? Im trying to be more positive about things and I feel like they are making me so stressed and who needs those people as friends anyway?
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Re: Musical chairs..bridesmaids..whats the difference anymore!

  • edited December 2011
    By all means do not stress. People are selfish but that doesn't mean you have to deal with it. Talk to all of them in person and tell them why you wanted to share this wonderful day having them included and what you expect from them from now until the wedding and the day of. If they tell you that's impossible for them then say you understand but you need women who can committ to helping you. I regrettably had to ask 3BMs to drop line because 12 was just insane and they were very understanding.Your wedding is a year away don't start stressing about this kind of stuff for another six months.Laughing HTH
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  • wlfpkbridewlfpkbride member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Honestly, I think you chose your BMs way too early. I knew who I wanted to ask well in advance but I waited until about 6 months out to ask them. That's plenty of time to order a dress and that's all they really need to do in advance. Asking someone to be a BM is kind of a big deal. You should be SURE you want them in your wedding before asking them. If for some reason you don't want them in your wedding, be prepared for that to be the end of the friendship. Different people take things like this very differently. 

    I personally wouldn't ask them all to step down because you need a re-do. You have time, just wait to see how things play out. What happens if you realize you really do want some of them in your wedding? What are you going to say, "I'm sorry, I was just kidding, will you be in my wedding again?" This sounds like a really sticky situation, I wish you the best. 
  • edited December 2011
    Wow that really sucks! I'm so sorry... you are such a sweet girl and definitely don't deserve that! My BFF and I had a falling out at Christmas along those same lines as well, and we still aren't speaking. And since she's so childish and just can't leave it alone with she and I disagreed upon something and went our seperate ways, she goes around telling everyone that she "ended our friendship because she's always secretly hated me and never enjoyed spending time with me" mind you, we have been friends for 13 years... ummm ok.

    Anyway, back to the point, you have a long time before your wedding date, I would just forget about the BMs right now and focus on other aspects of the wedding... go ahead and pick your dress for them, but don't worry about who will be up there with you, because alot can happen in a year. You and your best friend may work things out in a few months, you may not. I would revisit the bridesmaids issue about 6 months or so before the wedding.

    :o) I hope things get better for you!
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  • edited December 2011
    thanks ladies! good advice. I think i'll wait a while before I make any final decisions!
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