Tradtions were not done

njaffe · May 2011

My son was recently married and my husband and I took care of the entire wedding. Our wedding planner forgot to arrange the dances for the parents, the removal of the garter, and the tossing of the bridal bouquet ! I am so upset and do not know what to do! I can never get those memories back for my children!

kmmssg · May 2011

I'm a MOB and with DD 3#'s wedding we hired a day of planner. Worth her weight in gold.

I completely understand your feelings, but I'm wondering if PP isn't on to something. Are you sure your son and dil wanted those things? I would start there. If they did, then I would have a discussion with the planner about it. Can you change anything? No. Can you call it to her attention so it doesn't happen to anyone else? Sure!

You can't recapture those things, but what you can do is capitalize on the wonderful memories and everything else that went right! I'm sorry you missed your dance with your son.

I'd start with the kids and see if they may have asked that those things not be included.

teachermegs · May 2011

I agree with Lucy. We didn't do any tosses and missed the anniversary dance. My parents has plenty of other memories without these traditions.

CassieeK · May 2011

We're not doing any of that, either.

Ramiau3 · May 2011

I am so sorry. Did you signed a contract? I would review it and discuss your disappointment with the wedding planner. If those things are listed in the contract, I would forgo her (his) tip. Just pay for their services.

covejack · May 2011

We didn't do those either. By choice.

Kristin789 · May 2011

My DH and I go to about three weddings a year, and we have been together for 8 years. That's 24 weddings.

I think I've seen just ONE wedding that did all four of those things.

I would guess that 10 of the 24 weddings had the bride dance with her father, just ONE had the groom dance with his mother, FOUR had a bouquet toss, and just ONE had the garter removal and toss.

These things really aren't common these days. I would doubt that these things were included in the wedding planner's standard contract, so if you, as the host of the wedding, needed those things to happen, you would have to add those things in a rider to the contract ahead of time.

meep2 · May 2011

If anyone actually wanted these things done during the wedding it didn't take the wedding planner, either. The bride and groom could have talked to the band or DJ or MC or whoever was holding the microphone at any point during the reception and asked for the bouquet or garter toss to be announced. The bride and groom also usually choose their own first dance song, as well as songs to which to dance with their parents, so it would have been noticable that these were absent during planning. As PPs have mentioned, it seems that your son and daughter-in-law did not want these things. If they were a priority for you, they should have been discussed in specificity with the planner before the wedding.

ETA: OP - Many people use anonymous handles on these threads. You should know that since you used your professional email address as your user name, I was able to figure out a scary amount of info about you, as well as the names of the bride and groom, with basic Google skills. Considering that--although I believe you are not a vendor--your workplace does hold weddings and may rely on recommendations from area planners, plus just general privacy and internet safety, I would recommend that you change your user name immediately and make your email address private.

katetw · May 2011

I would also ask your kids. We are doing all those things except the garter toss - and coordinating them isn't involving a wedding coordinator, but the DJ (to know the songs and when to announce them). I guarantee you that your kids were asked about this when they contracted the DJ or band, so check to see if they declined the traditions.

RamonaFlowers · May 2011

When I planned my wedding, we had a planner services included with out venue package, but it was the DJ (not the planner) that actually settled those things with us-because he wanted to know what music we wanted to play during those events.

We skipped the tosses on purpose. We think they're lame, and honestly we've only been to a few weddings that had a bouquet toss and only one that's actually done both of them. We did do a father/daughter and mother/son dance, but we decided to do them at the same time. And, again, we've been to multiple weddings that skipped them entirely.

I wouldn't get all ticked off at the planner unless you know for sure that she actually messed up, and wasn't just following the wishes of a bride and groom that had no interest in doing those things (In which case, she was doing her job). And even if it turns out the planner messed up, the wedding is done and over, dwelling on it isn't going to magically give you that time back. Focus on all the good stuff that happened that day and be happy about it.

afb124 · May 2011

We're also not doing gater/bouquet toss. I feel it is pretty humiliating for the very few people who are there alone without a date to be the center of attention & call them out that they are single. Could be b/c we are in our mid-late 30s and we will only be having about 8-10 single people total at the wedding. I don't know if these were or were not similar circumstances in your children's case.

jerseydevil · May 2011

I'm surprised that the parent dances weren't discussed beforehand.

The garter/bouquet toss is something that many brides and grooms are opting to not do.

Don't stress over, just have a little chat with your son and ask if they were forgotten or if he and your new DIL just didn't want to do these things.

ChickenOnSunday · May 2011

Do you have two drops of Charro in you???

Don't use your email address as a screen name. Very easy for people to find out information about you.

mattycam · May 2011

Ask your kids if these are items that they really wanted. If your DIL wasnted to toss the bouquet, she would have regardless of if it was on the planners list of things to do.

Gr8fulbrat · May 2011

As previous posts have stated, speak to your son. They may have decided they wanted to skip some of the "traditional" wedding festivities. The dances are usually discussed when you meet with the DJ.

We did not have a bouquet or garter toss. I did not have Old Time Rock and Roll, We are family, the YMCA or Love Shack played at the reception. (So tired of hearing those songs at every wedding!)

We did add our own touches. My husband gave my daughter a ring during the ceremony. They also had a dance at the reception.

Wedding are completely unique to each couple and it sounds like your son and DIL chose not to do these things. Don't let it ruin the memories of what I am sure was an otherwise beautiful day.

cindyn9178 · May 2011

Unless I'm missing something, the DJ or band coordinates the dances/garter toss etc, not a wedding planner, because they need to know what music needs to be played. If the Bride & Groom told their planner, or the DJ that they didn't want those things, then that's why they weren't done. I find it highly unlikely that everybody just forgot about doing them. And if they were "forgotten" why didn't you say something at the wedding about it??

Tradtions were not done

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