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Please tell me that I am not crazy!

natalienicoleparksnatalienicoleparks member
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in Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum
I am basically posting this to get some reassurance that I am not wrong.
I asked my grandpa to walk me down the aisle and give me away at my wedding.  I believe that I made this very clear that it was what I wanted before I was ever even engaged.  I have been talking about music for the dance with my grandpa for months now.  Today, my mom txtd me and told me the she is "shocked" that I chose my granpa and not my step-dad (whom I have a very rocky relationship with).  And she said that his feelings will surely be hurt as hers are. 
My bio dad died about 8 years ago.  My step-dad and I dont have a great past and my grandpa has always been there for me.  I thought I was doing right by choosing the person that I feel the closest to. 
I have included my step-dad in photos, ordered him a boutineere and will have a special dance with him.  I didn't make the decision out of spite, it has always been my dream to have my pappy give me away.  My mom is giving me a complete guilt trip and making me feel terrible.  I am scared that my grandpa will feel guilty and refuse to walk with me because he wont want to be the center of the drama.  Cry
Up to this point, my wedding planning has been happy, exciting and stress free. 
Mrs. Jackson
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Re: Please tell me that I am not crazy!

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    Beachy730Beachy730 member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    Have you explained to your mom why you want your grandfather to walk you? 

    And no, I don't think you are wrong or crazy.  It would make sense to me that you would want your grandfather that you have known longer and are much closer with, especially if you have a rocky relationship with your stepdad. 
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    MobKazMobKaz member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    If my daughter were in this position, I would hope she would select a lifelong male figure----grandparent would be the obvious first choice to me....followed by brother, uncle, Godparent.....or even groom.

    The person walking you up the aisle should be of your choosing.  In theory, it should be the male figure most important/significant in your life.  It is a person of support (which is one of many theories as to why the father walks the bride up---to support her in her endeavor).  It should be a person you love and trust.  It should be a person who represents YOU and who you are.  It should NOT be a person that indicates a relationship with your mother.

    I can't imagine your grandfather will feel anything but pride and love :-)
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    MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    You are not crazy. Your grandfather seems to be the logical choice, since you have a close relationship with him. And he has been part of your life since you were born. It's very sweet of you to give him this honor.
    If mom and her husband are paying for your wedding, you will have to take their opinions into consideration, but I really hope your mom will not impose her opinion on this particular matter. Have you explained that you still plan to honor her husband in other ways?
                       
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    GhotiGhoti
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    Maybe even though your relationship is rocky, you could call or meet with your step-dad and explain that it's not a slight against him, but that you've always dreamed of having your grandpa walk you down? Chances are if your mom knows you've explained to your step-dad and he's not offended, that she'll cool down.
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    sweets18sweets18
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_please-tell-am-not-crazy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:88ddc27a-8ab7-443b-84d0-a58914032938Post:efaa0406-76d9-4eac-b5ee-73887d373e4f">Re: Please tell me that I am not crazy!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Maybe even though your relationship is rocky, you could call or meet with your step-dad and explain that it's not a slight against him, but that you've always dreamed of having your grandpa walk you down? Chances are if your mom knows you've explained to your step-dad and he's not offended, that she'll cool down.
    Posted by Ghoti[/QUOTE]


    Ditto!


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    natalienicoleparksnatalienicoleparks member
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    Thanks ladies.  My mom is being  a huge drama queen and went to my step-dad before I had a chance to talk rationally with him.  She made me out to be the bad guy and made him think he is not part of the wedding because I dont want him at all.  She is being so childish. 
    They are not paying for my wedding, FI and I are.  I just want to feel supported in my decisons for my wedding day.  I am not trying to hurt feelings (which is why I wanted to include my step-dad in other ways) but it seems that being rational and talking like adults is completely out of the question.  I am actually embarrassed to admit that my own mother is acting so childishly. :(
    Mrs. Jackson
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    Lisa50Lisa50 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    You are not crazy nor are you or wrong.  BUT ... it sounds like your mother wields A LOT of power in the family, to have this effect on you and, potentially, your grandfather.  Are you sure your grandfather would bow out just b/c your mother is making a stink??  Or do you just assume this might be the case?

    If you want your grandfather to escort you and he has said yes to your request, just let your mother know the decision has been made.  Done.

    I wish you the best of luck!
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    SeptemberFall2011SeptemberFall2011 member
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    You're NOT crazy!!!  After my dad's twin died a few years ago I realized how important my dad was...If I had to lose my dad before my wedding I would've asked my brother or a favorite uncle...I think your mom doesn't understand that you want your grandfather and not your stepdad and you need to explain the reasons why.  If she does not accept it. Then talk to your grandfather and explain to him why it would mean more than anything to have him do it.  I am sure that making his granddaughter happy will overrule what Ma and Steppa has to say about it.
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    amcmahon4020amcmahon4020 member
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    Weddings make people do and say crazy things. There is no need to feel embarrased for the way your mother is acting-it's not your fault at all. You are not crazy for wanting the one man who has been a constant support for you to walk you down the aisle. Your mother should realize this.

    Having said that, she obviously doesn't see the logic, and now it is up to you (unfortunately) to attempt to restore peace and harmony. The way I see it, there are two options.

    You can sit down with your step-dad and explain to him that while you do respect his position as your step-dad, it has always been your dream to have your grandfather walk you down the aisle. It is not a vindictive move against him-rather an opportunity to celebrate the bond you have with your grandfather. You do want your step-dad to feel important, which is why you've included him in so many things. Tell him you're sorry if he is hurt-it was not your intention. You just want your wedding to be a manifestation of your dreams, as all brides want!

    The other option is one that might not be ideal for you, so, keep that in mind. I know of many brides who have had two people walk them down the aisle. If you think having BOTH your grandfather and your step-dad walk you down the aisle is comfortable for YOU, and would appease everyone then it is always an option.
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    ashynichashynich member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_please-tell-am-not-crazy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:88ddc27a-8ab7-443b-84d0-a58914032938Post:9acd2718-e02f-4c7b-89ea-a64e0e3c44d1">Re: Please tell me that I am not crazy!</a>:
    [QUOTE]<div>Whenever anyone asked me why my stepdad was the one doing it, I just replied "he's the one who changed my flat tires, sat through my choir concerts, killed the spiders, paid for me to go to summer camps, and moved me back in at 2am when I broke up with my first live-in boyfriend during college.  I think he deserves to get to do the good stuff that comes with being a daddy, because he's certainly done all the work." Don't let anyone guilt you into not having your grandpa walk you down the aisle, if that's truly who you want to do it.  This is one of the few wedding things that really IS "all about you".
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]</div><div>
    </div><div>Your post just solidified that i WILL have my Uncle walk me down the aisle instead of my father. I actually did ask my father to do it, and he said "i thought you could have someone else do that". I was pretty upset. But we have never had a close relationship. I grew up living with my Grandparents, uncle, and mom. I remember eating captain crunch and watching saturday morning cartoons with my uncle. I remember him bringing me dolls home when he worked in the city. He took me prom dress shopping. He got me my first car. He paid for my wedding dress. I also lived with him for a year or so when I started seeing my FI because I'm from a town a few hours away in Iowa, and both my FI & Uncle lived in Omaha. He is more of a father to me than my dad will ever be, and that is why my Uncle is walking me down the aisle.

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