Bridesmaid dress drama

Lalilala · February 2013

I have three briedesmaids and I've told them to wear wathever black and long thing they wanted (I don't care if it's a dress, pants or a skirt) which I thought would leave everything drama free but I was wrong.

One of them is gothic and she wants to wear a skirt and a corset, the problem here is the corset. It's pretty and elegant and she already have it (which is pretty good) but it has skulls and bones all over it.

I don't have a real reason (no recent deaths or similar) but I feel it's creepy to have simbols of death in something like a wedding. I've told her and she got really mad at me because she believes that I have a problem with her being a goth.

Do you think I'm over reacting? How should I talk to her without hurting her feelings?

kmmssg · February 2013

You aren't overreacting, skulls and crossbones don't belong at your wedding unless you want them there. Take her out to lunch, tell her you love her for who she is and that includes being goth, but you don't want it at your wedding. Like we always say around here, her duty is to show up in the chosen dress, sober, and smile for pictures.

banana468 · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-dress-drama-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:512f951d-c13a-493f-9a3e-55464459c408Post:59c3105a-9e19-45ba-ab9f-203fdb6cff8a">Re: Bridesmaid dress drama</a>:
[QUOTE]You aren't overreacting, skulls and crossbones don't belong at your wedding unless you want them there. Take her out to lunch, tell her you love her for who she is and that includes being goth, but you don't want it at your wedding. Like we always say around here, her duty is to show up in the chosen dress, sober, and smile for pictures.
Posted by kmmssg[/QUOTE]

Ditto this. There's nothing wrong saying that the skulls don't belong there. You said black and not a black print. You'd have equal ground as saying no black and white damask either.

AddieCake · February 2013

I agree this is one of those times you need to amend the instructions. How ridiculous of her to think that would be ok!

SlothGoals · February 2013

PP's have given you great advice. You're well within your rights to let her know that her corset isn't appropriate for her wedding. As for what to tell her, just say something like, "I would like your outfit to be solid black with no patterns/designs/etc. so your corset isn't going to work."

Summer2011Bride · February 2013

Yeah honestly, I would not even focus on what the pattern is (the skulls and crossbones). I wouldn't even mention those. I would just say, "I would like all of you to find something solid black with no patterns." If she starts in on you hating on her being goth, then I would say, "It honestly has nothing to do with WHAT the pattern is. I would say the same thing if it was stripes or polka dots or plaid. The only issue I have is it not being solid black."

bunni727 · February 2013

Definitely just say that you'd rather not have patterns, no matter what they are.

If it were me, I might offer to buy her a solid black corset, but that is definitely not necessary. This site is (I think, it was a gift)where mine came from and it is awesome.

EK2013 · February 2013

You also don't have to buy her a black corset to give her your official blessing to wear a (plain) black corset.

I agree with PPs that you make it about the fact that it has a pattern at all, not about the creepy bones. This also means that the rest of the wedding party should be all in black, too--no exceptions for non-creepy prints on the clothes, either.

bridalmarch · February 2013

My entire back is covered in a tattoo that's an optical illusion - skull from far away, young woman in a mirror close up. I'm getting married in a Catholic church and this will certainly be seen. So the actual skull wouldn't bother me, but I do think you're in the right to say you don't want patterns of any kind.

Lalilala · February 2013

Thanks for all the responses!

Talking her about patterns wasn't a solution since I already told her that the problem was the skull thing.

I went to her house with a cke (that always help!) and just told her that it was the only request I was making her and that I didn't care at all for spiders or fangs or purple hair but no death on my wedding.

I also offered buying her a new corset as you suggested but she said she didn't needed.

I guess she realized these had nothing to do with me trying to her not to be goth in the wedding.

Peledreamsofrain · February 2013

Geeze, I used to BE a goth, and I think that skulls and crossbones don't have a place in a wedding. It's not a funeral, or an event of death. It's a ceremony of new beginnings and life.

She's being a brat, and a drama queen. You could as a small concession let her wear small skull and crossbone barrettes, but it's more than she deserves. Her behavior towards someone who is supposed to be a friend is attrocious.

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