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Bachelor party Strip Club incident...WWYD (long)

akcrrrakcrrr
100 Comments
in New Jersey
So my fiance had his bachelor party on Saturday and for the most party everyone had a good time. It was a mix of his coworkers, family members, and friends. They went to a Strip Club (I am 100% fine with him looking at some boobies) and my friends and I met them a few hours later at a night club. 

When I meet up with my FI and his friends I didn't even have a chance to get into the club before his friends pulled me aside and said that the best man (FI's brother) tried to buy my FI a private dance with a "happy ending"! Apparently his brother was mad that he didn't want to and the entire night went downhill from there because a lot of the other men (all married or engaged) felt uncomfortable. 

My fiance came over a few minutes later and told me about the whole thing as well. That his brother tried to get him to do it and was actually mad that he didn't want to. He ended up "giving" the dance to his only single friend and they left shortly afterwards. 

I spoke with my fiance again about it yesterday and he feels disgusted by the whole thing. He was cool with going and having fun and even getting a lap dance but he (and I) feel that would have been cheating if he went along with it. 

Word has gotten out and all of FIs friend's wives are calling me today and asking what I am going to do about his best man/brother! 

I 100% trust that FI didn't do anything (*that isn't the issue) I just can not believe his brother would try to pay for him to cheat on me! I am mad/upset at the same time!

What would you do? 
Should I be mad? 
Should FI or I say something to the brother/best man?



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Re: Bachelor party Strip Club incident...WWYD (long)

  • DoubleASDoubleAS
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I would be angry and probably say something to my brother in law, if my fiance hadn't already.  I too consider that cheating and anyone who tries to push my fiance into it really isn't cool in my book.

    Strip club- fine
    Lap dance- fine, I'll deal
    Happy ending- WTF?

    Luckily, my fiance loathes those places but I understand they're big "bach party" scenes.  I'm just glad you didn't get mad @ you're fiance since he is innocent in all of it.
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  • USER876USER876
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Most places have evolved to an assembly line process for Lap Dances in supervised rooms, and it's highly unlikely that stuff like this is even possible at establishments.  Are you sure you are getting the whole story?

    Also, where do you draw the line with "cheating?"  Do you know what a typical "dance" entails?  It's more than just "seeing."

    I would be upset at the BM for pushing the issue, and VERY upset that people can't just mind their business and not spread things around like wildfire.  I think your best bet is to let it blow over.  As long as you and your FI are ok with everything, that is all that matters.  Let everyone else talk about it....but don't let on that it's affecting you as a couple.

    If you do anything, have your FI let his brother know that you found out about the whole thing are very upset at him.  Let him live with the fact that his brothers future wife is upset with him.....he may not even care.
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  • LissyM83LissyM83 member
    Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I'd definitely be upset with my Future Brother in law for trying to put my FH in an uncomfortable situation like that.

    Strip club - fine... guys go to these places esp. for Bach. Parties
    Lap Dance - ehhh... would rather not think about it, but again it happens at these places
    Happy Ending - NO EFFING WAY.
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  • LADY324LADY324
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_bachelor-party-strip-club-incidentwwyd-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:5f7ebe3a-da00-4f7a-8b1c-6648d6b1e9a7Post:cb525778-1fa1-44a7-9e76-97474962e212">Re: Bachelor party Strip Club incident...WWYD (long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]I would be angry and probably say something to my brother in law, if my fiance hadn't already.  I too consider that cheating and anyone who tries to push my fiance into it really isn't cool in my book. Strip club- fine Lap dance- fine, I'll deal Happy ending- WTF? Luckily, my fiance loathes those places but I understand they're big "bach party" scenes.  I'm just glad you didn't get mad @ you're fiance since he is innocent in all of it.
    Posted by DoubleAS[/QUOTE]

    I agree with this.  I would definitely consider a happy ending cheating and the fact that your FBIL was the one provoking it.  I would probably be pissed at him for awhile!!  I am glad that things are fine between you and your FI.  I would probably just let the whole situation blow over.
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  • cindyn9178cindyn9178 member
    1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Yeah, I'm curious at what strip club "happy endings" would be happening??!?!
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  • akcrrrakcrrr
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_bachelor-party-strip-club-incidentwwyd-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:5f7ebe3a-da00-4f7a-8b1c-6648d6b1e9a7Post:a50100e3-7640-4c9c-a856-42145a1abfe9">Re: Bachelor party Strip Club incident...WWYD (long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]Most places have evolved to an assembly line process for Lap Dances in supervised rooms, and it's highly unlikely that stuff like this is even possible at establishments.  Are you sure you are getting the whole story? Also, where do you draw the line with "cheating?"  Do you know what a typical "dance" entails?  It's more than just "seeing." I would be upset at the BM for pushing the issue, and VERY upset that people can't just mind their business and not spread things around like wildfire.  I think your best bet is to let it blow over.  As long as you and your FI are ok with everything, that is all that matters.  Let everyone else talk about it....but don't let on that it's affecting you as a couple. If you do anything, have your FI let his brother know that you found out about the whole thing are very upset at him.  Let him live with the fact that his brothers future wife is upset with him.....he may not even care.
    Posted by USER876[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>I am glad to get a male perspective on the situation and while every story has a lot of sides outside of the truth, I am sure that I am getting most of it. </div><div>
    </div><div>I will say that the club is a "small" establishment in NJ and I know of many people who have gone here who have said the same or similar things. </div><div>
    </div><div>I also know that a lap dance isn't just "seeing" but there is a big difference between a lap dance and giving someone a "hand" if you get my drift.</div><div>
    </div><div>

    </div>

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  • mbcdefgmbcdefg member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Your FI already took care of the situation. No need for you to confront BIL, since you weren't there and since your FI didn't do anything wrong.

    Let FI handle it. Stay out of it.

    ETA: I'm finding it interesting that the Knot is saying to confront BIL and the Nest is saying to stay out of it.
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  • akcrrrakcrrr
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_bachelor-party-strip-club-incidentwwyd-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:5f7ebe3a-da00-4f7a-8b1c-6648d6b1e9a7Post:efed3ad7-7c27-4e13-b4d9-f8d72d38da26">Re: Bachelor party Strip Club incident...WWYD (long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]Your FI already took care of the situation. No need for you to confront BIL, since you weren't there and since your FI didn't do anything wrong. Let FI handle it. Stay out of it. <strong>ETA: I'm finding it interesting that the Knot is saying to confront BIL and the Nest is saying to stay out of it.</strong>
    Posted by mbcdefg[/QUOTE]

    <div>I was just thinking the same thing which is why I wanted to get engaged/married opinions. </div><div>
    </div><div>I am going to mirror what I just said on the Nest and just have a talk with FI about it tonight and leave it at that. </div><div>
    </div><div>Overall, I just don't think it is cool and I do not think his brother had good intentions. </div><div>
    </div><div>Whatever...I'm getting married :) and should be happy my fiance is such a good guy!</div>

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  • kristen8040kristen8040 member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_bachelor-party-strip-club-incidentwwyd-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:5f7ebe3a-da00-4f7a-8b1c-6648d6b1e9a7Post:d4b2705c-92a4-4e7a-ae12-1e71655b13eb">Re: Bachelor party Strip Club incident...WWYD (long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yeah, I'm curious at what strip club "happy endings" would be happening??!?!
    Posted by cindyn9178[/QUOTE]

    I know of at least one in Burlington county
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  • cindyn9178cindyn9178 member
    1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_bachelor-party-strip-club-incidentwwyd-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:5f7ebe3a-da00-4f7a-8b1c-6648d6b1e9a7Post:0ec403f3-6cfc-41b7-9ad6-1a122a9375e7">Re: Bachelor party Strip Club incident...WWYD (long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bachelor party Strip Club incident...WWYD (long) : I know of at least one in Burlington county
    Posted by kristen8040[/QUOTE]
    just ew.
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  • buttrflyahbuttrflyah member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Wow I would be pretty upset with your FBIL.  Yes, men think bachelor parties are like a hall pass to do whatever, but that is taking it way out of line.

    Personally, I'd have FI handle it.  Have him tell his brother that it wasnt cool to do that and it made you feel uncomfortable.  Then drop it.

    Out of curiousity, is FBIL married or dating?  I'd hate to know what types of things HE does there!
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  • akcrrrakcrrr
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_bachelor-party-strip-club-incidentwwyd-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:5f7ebe3a-da00-4f7a-8b1c-6648d6b1e9a7Post:4393f976-2ed7-4e7d-92eb-28750abeb12a">Re: Bachelor party Strip Club incident...WWYD (long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]Wow I would be pretty upset with your FBIL.  Yes, men think bachelor parties are like a hall pass to do whatever, but that is taking it way out of line. Personally, I'd have FI handle it.  Have him tell his brother that it wasnt cool to do that and it made you feel uncomfortable.  Then drop it. Out of curiousity, is FBIL married or dating?  I'd hate to know what types of things HE does there!
    Posted by buttrflyah[/QUOTE]

    <div>FBIL is married with 2 kids (2 and 5) and he teaches 2nd grade. </div>

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  • kristen8040kristen8040 member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Some places will do anything for money.  I personally don't think it's your job to say anything.  If your FI wants to, that's up to him, but I wouldn't get involved.
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  • odonnellalysodonnellalys
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I am sorry to hear that your FBIL didn't know where to draw the line and it p'd off the men at the Bachelor Party. But it looks like your FI has a handle on it! Good for him! 
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  • Reilly626Reilly626 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Someone wrote all about this on The NJ Nest site and just deleted it after a lot of responses.
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  • kristen8040kristen8040 member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_bachelor-party-strip-club-incidentwwyd-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:5f7ebe3a-da00-4f7a-8b1c-6648d6b1e9a7Post:b69e0f58-64fb-4895-9b64-57900335960a">Re: Bachelor party Strip Club incident...WWYD (long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]Someone wrote all about this on The NJ Nest site and just deleted it after a lot of responses.
    Posted by Reilly626[/QUOTE]

    <div>Wasn't it her?  I thought she said on the nest she wanted to get MG opinions?</div>
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  • mbcdefgmbcdefg member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_bachelor-party-strip-club-incidentwwyd-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:5f7ebe3a-da00-4f7a-8b1c-6648d6b1e9a7Post:b69e0f58-64fb-4895-9b64-57900335960a">Re: Bachelor party Strip Club incident...WWYD (long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]Someone wrote all about this on The NJ Nest site and just deleted it after a lot of responses.
    Posted by Reilly626[/QUOTE]

    It's still there.
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  • shoebieshoebie member
    Sixth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I would not address it, your concern is with fi, Fi did the right thing declined the alone time with the stripper problem solved give fi a pat on the back and a that a boy..... If Fi wishes to dwell on it further with his brother let that be between him holding grudges will only hurt future family relationships as for the nosey wives thell them fi dealt with it and you are moving on from here. 
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  • mymissingpuzzlepiecemymissingpuzzlepiece
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_bachelor-party-strip-club-incidentwwyd-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:5f7ebe3a-da00-4f7a-8b1c-6648d6b1e9a7Post:0369ccdc-8eb7-47fa-8196-cd3cc143d3c3">Bachelor party Strip Club incident...WWYD (long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]So my fiance had his bachelor party on Saturday and for the most party everyone had a good time. It was a mix of his coworkers, family members, and friends. They went to a Strip Club (I am 100% fine with him looking at some boobies) and my friends and I met them a few hours later at a night club.  When I meet up with my FI and his friends I didn't even have a chance to get into the club before his friends pulled me aside and said that the best man (FI's brother) tried to buy my FI a private dance with a "happy ending"! Apparently his brother was mad that he didn't want to and the entire night went downhill from there because a lot of the other men (all married or engaged) felt uncomfortable.  My fiance came over a few minutes later and told me about the whole thing as well. That his brother tried to get him to do it and was actually mad that he didn't want to. He ended up "giving" the dance to his only single friend and they left shortly afterwards.  I spoke with my fiance again about it yesterday and he feels disgusted by the whole thing. He was cool with going and having fun and even getting a lap dance but he (and I) feel that would have been cheating if he went along with it.  Word has gotten out and all of FIs friend's wives are calling me today and asking what I am going to do about his best man/brother!  I 100% trust that FI didn't do anything (*that isn't the issue) I just can not believe his brother would try to pay for him to cheat on me! I am mad/upset at the same time! What would you do?  Should I be mad?  Should FI or I say something to the brother/best man?
    Posted by akcrrr[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>I don't get why anyone would want to go to strip clubs for their bachelor or bachelorette party. What's the point? Just because you aren't married yet doesn't mean that you are any less together. It also isn't a day different than any other day you have been together. So if going to a strip club wasn't okay while you are dating, why should it ever be okay for your bachelor or bachelorette party? This doesn't make sense to me. Strip clubs are trashy and disgusting. Enough said. </div>
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  • shoebieshoebie member
    Sixth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_bachelor-party-strip-club-incidentwwyd-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:5f7ebe3a-da00-4f7a-8b1c-6648d6b1e9a7Post:2d54db12-db8b-450d-a272-2731db5d03b7">Re: Bachelor party Strip Club incident...WWYD (long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Bachelor party Strip Club incident...WWYD (long) : I don't get why anyone would want to go to strip clubs for their bachelor or bachelorette party. What's the point? Just because you aren't married yet doesn't mean that you are any less together. It also isn't a day different than any other day you have been together. So if going to a strip club wasn't okay while you are dating, why should it ever be okay for your bachelor or bachelorette party? This doesn't make sense to me. Strip clubs are trashy and disgusting. Enough said. 
    Posted by mymissingpuzzlepiece[/QUOTE]

    <div>Did you even read the post or just give your opinion let me highlight the line that you apparently missed........</div><div>
    </div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;background-color:#ebf4fb;" class="Apple-style-span">So my fiance had his bachelor party on Saturday and for the most party everyone had a good time. It was a mix of his coworkers, family members, and friends. They went to a Strip Club <strong><em><u>(I am 100% fine with him looking at some boobies)</u></em></strong> and my friends and I met them a few hours later at a night club.  When I meet up with my FI and his friends I didn't even have a chance to get into the club before his friends pulled me aside and said that the best man (FI's brother) tried to buy my FI a private dance with a "happy ending"! Apparently his brother was mad that he didn't want to and the entire night went downhill from there because a lot of the other men (all married or engaged) felt uncomfortable.  My fiance came over a few minutes later and told me about the whole thing as well. That his brother tried to get him to do it and was actually mad that he didn't want to. He ended up "giving" the dance to his only single friend and they left shortly afterwards.  I spoke with my fiance again about it yesterday and he feels disgusted by the whole thing. He was cool with going and having fun and even getting a lap dance but he (and I) feel that would have been cheating if he went along with it.  Word has gotten out and all of FIs friend's wives are calling me today and asking what I am going to do about his best man/brother!  I 100% trust that FI didn't do anything (*that isn't the issue) I just can not believe his brother would try to pay for him to cheat on me! I am mad/upset at the same time! What would you do?  Should I be mad?  Should FI or I say something to the brother/best man?
    Posted by akcrrr</span></div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;background-color:#ebf4fb;" class="Apple-style-span">
    </span></div>
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  • akcrrrakcrrr
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_bachelor-party-strip-club-incidentwwyd-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:5f7ebe3a-da00-4f7a-8b1c-6648d6b1e9a7Post:578ba481-57ae-4ce1-944d-56c131a5ff41">Re: Bachelor party Strip Club incident...WWYD (long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bachelor party Strip Club incident...WWYD (long) : It's still there.
    Posted by mbcdefg[/QUOTE]

    <div>Post is still there...it was me on both sites because I wanted some MG opinions as well. </div><div>
    </div><div>
    </div>

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  • LADY324LADY324
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_bachelor-party-strip-club-incidentwwyd-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:5f7ebe3a-da00-4f7a-8b1c-6648d6b1e9a7Post:2d54db12-db8b-450d-a272-2731db5d03b7">Re: Bachelor party Strip Club incident...WWYD (long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Bachelor party Strip Club incident...WWYD (long) : I don't get why anyone would want to go to strip clubs for their bachelor or bachelorette party. What's the point? Just because you aren't married yet doesn't mean that you are any less together. It also isn't a day different than any other day you have been together. So if going to a strip club wasn't okay while you are dating, why should it ever be okay for your bachelor or bachelorette party? This doesn't make sense to me. Strip clubs are trashy and disgusting. Enough said. 
    Posted by mymissingpuzzlepiece[/QUOTE]

    read the entire post next time before you comment.
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  • kristen8040kristen8040 member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_bachelor-party-strip-club-incidentwwyd-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:5f7ebe3a-da00-4f7a-8b1c-6648d6b1e9a7Post:51c42c6e-32e0-4121-a387-18fe3f32b4d2">Re: Bachelor party Strip Club incident...WWYD (long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bachelor party Strip Club incident...WWYD (long) : read the entire post next time before you comment.
    Posted by LADY324[/QUOTE]

    Thank you, I was wondering if I was the only one saying wtf to that response.
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