August 2012 Weddings
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MIL adding guests! vent :(

I didn't think this would happen to me at all. So, my MIL has told me, multiple times, over and over for the last year now, that she does not want to invite *Anybody* from her side of the family. I checked with her, right before we ordered STDs, that this was still the case, and she confirmed that she wanted *nobody* from her family invited (including her father, who is senile and whom she would be completely responsible for). So, after the STDs were ordered, but not sent, she tells me that she chaged her mind and will bring her father. Fine, one extra person is not a big deal, and we really wanted him anyway.

Now, she's decided that indeed she will invite some of her brothers, nephews, etc. And apparently, her method of inviting them is to send them an email telling them to send me their address "if they want to come" and cc-ing me on those emails. What a lovely thing to wake up to! So far at least one nephew wants to come. I have no idea whether we can accomodate more people in the venue, I know we were just under the limit already. And since she went about this in such a crazy way, and all of these people are family, I feel like we're going to have to dump friends in order to include them. I just wish she would have given me a damn list of addresses last summer, so that I could have included them in the original numbers, and sent them STDs and invites the way everybody else on the planet invites people to weddings. Gah!

Re: MIL adding guests! vent :(

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    My future MIL isn't quite that bad, but has done similar things.  It took me forever to get addresses from her for family, etc.  I was under the impression that there were only going to be a handful of invitees outside of immediate family, but there were quite a few.  I was also assured that no one from the extended family would come.  That remains to be seen, but I saw some of FI's extended family recently and they were all telling me how excited they are to fly out for the wedding...

    Anyway, in short, I know how you feel.  Your problem isn't with your MIL wanting to invite family, it's that you tried to plan your venue, number of STDs to order, etc. around a number, and now she's changing that number.  Frustrating!
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    edited March 2012
    Kap, is that venue in San Juan Capistrano? I think I've seen it before?

    Yeah, in general I don't have MIL problems, but she's been really weird about the whole invitation thing. I understand from FI that there are some issues between her and her brothers surrounding the care of her father, and she's been super anti-inviting them, which is why I took her seriously on the whole "we're not inviting family" thing. But she (and FI :::sigh:::) has this idea that you should only invite somebody to your wedding if you're 99.9% certain that they want to come. Which I think is why she sent them emails this way, rather than just giving me their addresses. I just wish she could have had this change of heart 3 weeks ago, so I would have known.
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    Yes!  Well, the ceremony location is the Mission San Juan Capistrano.  Our reception is at the Country Club in Mission Viejo.  I'm really excited we're able to have the ceremony there, because it's not my usual church (or the one I went to growing up anyway). 
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    <div>In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_august-2012-weddings_mil-adding-guests-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:1fb748ee-7a4e-40eb-b4b4-e553486f4cacDiscussion:0e3376e9-16d5-42ac-88db-dc5f88d7eca1Post:16d8d56e-5cc2-42c1-b6cd-5e91f4f33734">Re: MIL adding guests! vent :(</a>:</div>[QUOTE]I don't get how she would ever think that is okay. I think you're handling it like a champ. But, if you and FI are footing the bill, that may be a way of "getting out of" inviting these last minute additions? Also, I think FI should handle this situation. Tell him about it.
    Posted by mtishawt[/QUOTE]
    FI emailed her (without me asking) and told her not to invite anybody else unless she runs them by us, first. And she acknowledged this, so I don't think she'll invite anybody else. We don't really want to get out of inviting them, because we were originally trying to get her to invite her family. These are T's uncles, not like third cousins or her former co-workers he's never met, so they are wanted. It's just annoying having to adjust things now. And I've been thinking about it more, and am feeling really glad that she did this yesterday, and not next wednesday, because my mom's putting the STDs in the mail this Saturday. So it was "in time," so to speak.<div>
    </div><div>The real problem is that she doesn't seem to understand how most weddings work. I don't think she's really ever been to many, and her wedding was a super low-key affair in the early '70s. My sense is that her mother and his mother just invited their close friends (maybe 30 guests, total) and they got married in her parents' church and then had a pot-luck in her parents' backyard. So she's never gone through the process of issuing invites herself, much less planning an event. I don't think she even had BMs. We're having a church wedding and then an outdoor reception in the garden of a local mansion, and I think she is under the impression that it's the same as her backyard wedding. I hope she isn't too shocked when there are 150 people there, decorations, caterers, etc. I've tried to include her in some of the preparations, but what's going on clearly hasn't sunk in.</div>
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    edited March 2012
    Kap, yes, I did recognize the church. I have relatives in Laguna Nigel, so I've been to that area a lot.
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    you have a great FI!  good luck and hang in there
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