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Money Issues

Momma71511Momma71511
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in Moms and Maids
My son's soon to be wife posts on a month board here. My son got engaged last year, they set a wedding date and I wanted some of my very close friends at their wedding. They agreed to allow it. My son came to me tonight and my soon to be daughter in law is upset with me. He said that she is upset because I am no longer helping to pay for anything and that it was part of the agreement with inviting a couple of my close friends. I tried explaining to him that parent's are not obligated to pay for any part of the wedding and he shouldn't just expect that I would help. I am on a short budget and work 2 jobs just to pay my own bills. Is there any other way to explain to them that it's not my responsibility to pay?
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Re: Money Issues

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    Momma71511Momma71511
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    I'm sorry, I didn't know that. How do I mark a post just for future reference?
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    MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Hi Momma, you're new so you didn't know: When you post on more than one board, please put the 'XP' in the heading so we know there is a conversation taking place on another board.

                       
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    MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Ok Momma, I've skimmed the other thread and it looks like the bride's family is paying for the majority of the wedding and you agreed to pay for the 22 friends that you wanted to invite. I'm sorry you are having financial problems, but either you have to find way to pay what you promised or tell your friends the couple had to cut their guest list. Neither situation is ideal, but I don't see any other way. It's not fair to stick the bride's family with cost that you promised to cover. And your son and his fi can't afford to cover you because of their unexpected medical bills.

    Another problem that you mentioned is that you think your FDIL has turned your son against you. This is the wrong attitude to take toward the woman that your son loves so much that he wants to spend the rest of his life with her. If you're smart, you'll find a way to like her, or at least respect her. If you don't, you'll find yourself on the outside, looking in. Your son did the right thing to talk to you, privately, about the money issue. He was defending his fi and preventing you from having a very embarrassing conversation with her and her parents.

    Good luck, Momma.

                       
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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I haven't read the thread on your other post so I will only be able to comment what is written here...but you are right that you are under no obligation to pay for anything, HOWEVER, since you are not paying for anything your son and FDIL are under no obligation to invite your friends.

    It is sometimes harsh, but the people who pay have the last say.  So if the brides family (if they are paying) do not want to pay for your friends then they do not have to.  They have final say over the guest list and if it comes to meeting a certain budget then unfortunately your friends will be the first to go.

    I understand that you have financial problems, many people do, but if the deal that was made was that the way your friends would be invited is if you pay for them then unfortunately you either need to find a way to pay for them or cut them from the list.

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    renegade gauchorenegade gaucho member
    5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary
    No you are not obligated to pay for anything.  Consequently, the bride and groom do not have to take your wishes into account when planning.  If you originally agreed to pay for your friends and now are unable to do so, you have to understand that your son and his fiancee are working with a smaller budget and they can't afford to invite them.
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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    After reading your post over on the Etiquette board (considering you are not a troll) you are 110% in the wrong.  And no, I seriously doubt your FDIL is controlling your son's emotions.  I think he is legitimately pissed at you on his own accord because you have now made a very uncomfortable situation with him and his FILs.  How do you not see this?

    Whatever issue you have with your FDIL you need to either get over it or bury it deep within yourself if you ever hope to have a relationship with your son in the future.  This is the woman he has chosen to marry and she now comes first, not you and you need to deal with that.

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    GoodLuckBear14GoodLuckBear14 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_money-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:c2da98de-ee88-49fa-828a-4479658011b6Post:2947c067-b4d8-40a5-b452-e102dd522cfe">Re: Money Issues</a>:
    [QUOTE]After reading your post over on the Etiquette board (considering you are not a troll) you are 110% in the wrong.  And no, I seriously doubt your FDIL is controlling your son's emotions.  I think he is legitimately pissed at you on his own accord because you have now made a very uncomfortable situation with him and his FILs.  How do you not see this? Whatever issue you have with your FDIL you need to either get over it or bury it deep within yourself if you ever hope to have a relationship with your son in the future.  This is the woman he has chosen to marry and she now comes first, not you and you need to deal with that.
    Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

    This.

    And also...eleven close friends and their spouses???  I had a small wedding and I don't think I had eleven friends who were invited.
    Proud to be an old married hag!! image
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