Bridesmaid being a pain in my side!

Silveryelf · October 2010

One of my BMs is already married, and I was her bridesmaid. When I was in her wedding, the bridesmaid dress was $120, and I didn't complain about the price at all, even though money was a little tight at the time. I just smiled and was supportive, because I thought that's what BMs were supposed to do. BUT, now she's one of my bridesmaids, and I'm getting a lot of static from her about the color of the dress, the style of the shoes, the cost of the dress (even though it's less expensive than the one I had to buy was), and stuff that has no bearing on her whatsoever, like my dress, the reception decoration, etc. I chose her as a bridesmaid because she's one of my friend that lives close, and I was excited to have her help in shopping for some of this stuff, but it seems like she doesn't like anything i'm picking. I tried subtly joking/complaining about her attitude the last time we went, saying "I thought bridesmaids were supposed to be supportive!" with a smile on my face and laughing a little, so as not to make it seem like I was mad at her, and see if she got the hint. She came back with "I'm Puerto Rican, I don't hid my opinions!" I haven't really talked with her since, which has been a couple weeks. We work completely different schedules, so this isn't all that unusual. But I'm really almost to the point of saying, "If you don't like it, you don't have to be involved," and replacing her with my FH's sister instead. It was originally a tough decision between the two anyway, and I know his sister would be thrilled to be in the WP, but he has so many really good friends that we decided to cut it off at 4 each. What do I do? I'm afraid if I let her know how much this really bothers me, she'll just up and leave the WP anyway, because that's kind of how she is. But she's had me in tears doubting some of my choices, and I really feel like that's not right!

aerinpegadrak · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-being-pain-side?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:3de0e57b-4f65-4384-b6f8-0a683b0b1900Post:90fa090e-ecef-4426-86e5-b23b377fa7f4">Bridesmaid being a pain in my side!</a>:
[QUOTE]One of my BMs is already married, and I was her bridesmaid. When I was in her wedding, the bridesmaid dress was $120, and I didn't complain about the price at all, even though money was a little tight at the time. <strong>I just smiled and was supportive, because I thought that's what BMs were supposed to do.</strong> BUT, now she's one of my bridesmaids, and I'm getting a lot of static from her about the color of the dress, the style of the shoes, the cost of the dress (even though it's less expensive than the one I had to buy was), and stuff that has no bearing on her whatsoever, like my dress, the reception decoration, etc.<strong> I chose her as a bridesmaid because she's one of my friend that lives close, and I was excited to have her help in shopping for some of this stuff, but it seems like she doesn't like anything i'm picking.</strong> I tried subtly joking/complaining about her attitude the last time we went, saying "I thought bridesmaids were supposed to be supportive!" with a smile on my face and laughing a little, so as not to make it seem like I was mad at her, and see if she got the hint. She came back with "I'm Puerto Rican, I don't hid my opinions!" I haven't really talked with her since, which has been a couple weeks. We work completely different schedules, so this isn't all that unusual. <strong>But I'm really almost to the point of saying, "If you don't like it, you don't have to be involved," and replacing her with my FH's sister instead.</strong> It was originally a tough decision between the two anyway, and I know his sister would be thrilled to be in the WP, but he has so many really good friends that we decided to cut it off at 4 each. What do I do? I'm afraid if I let her know how much this really bothers me, she'll just up and leave the WP anyway, because that's kind of how she is. But she's had me in tears doubting some of my choices, and I really feel like that's not right!
Posted by Silveryelf[/QUOTE]
Mistake #1: Selecting someone to be a bridesmaid for any reason other than them being one of their closest friends. Choosing someone just because you think they'll be more helpful with the planning because they live close or are crafty or what have you NEVER ends well.

Mistake #2: Expecting her to take the same view of being a bridesmaid as you did. Nothing was stopping you from telling her that you couldn't afford the dress; you chose to suck it up and deal. She's choosing to voice her opinion. She's not wrong for doing so.

Mistake #3: Looking for a replacement. If you really wanted your FI's sister in the wedding, you would have asked her in the first place. If you still want her in the wedding, ask her, since even sides are not required. But asking her to be your spare warm body because you couldn't get along with someone else is a massive insult, especially to someone who is going to be your family now.

Basically, you kind of screwed yourself here by going in with your expectations entirely out of whack. The best course of action would be to keep this bridesmaid on a need-to-know basis about wedding plans, factor in her input on the dress (she has to wear and pay for it, it SHOULD be something she's happy with), and find someone else to discuss the details with.

AutumnFair · October 2010

aerin pretty much saved me a good amount of typing (thank you aerin!). Listen to her advice (her last paragraph).

trix1223 · October 2010

aerin is spot on correct. Please listen to her, OP. She'll save you a lot of heartache if you do. Go back and read her post. Just say it in my voice. Because it's exactly what I'd say.

Silveryelf · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-being-pain-side?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:3de0e57b-4f65-4384-b6f8-0a683b0b1900Post:cffca80a-71ee-4add-bcf6-ed8a17742ece">Re: Bridesmaid being a pain in my side!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Bridesmaid being a pain in my side! : Mistake #1: Selecting someone to be a bridesmaid for any reason other than them being one of their closest friends. Choosing someone just because you think they'll be more helpful with the planning because they live close or are crafty or what have you NEVER ends well. Mistake #2: Expecting her to take the same view of being a bridesmaid as you did. Nothing was stopping you from telling her that you couldn't afford the dress; you chose to suck it up and deal. She's choosing to voice her opinion. She's not wrong for doing so. Mistake #3: Looking for a replacement. If you really wanted your FI's sister in the wedding, you would have asked her in the first place. If you still want her in the wedding, ask her, since even sides are not required. But asking her to be your spare warm body because you couldn't get along with someone else is a massive insult, especially to someone who is going to be your family now. Basically, you kind of screwed yourself here by going in with your expectations entirely out of whack. The best course of action would be to keep this bridesmaid on a need-to-know basis about wedding plans, factor in her input on the dress (she has to wear and pay for it, it SHOULD be something she's happy with), and find someone else to discuss the details with.
Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

<div>Don't get me wrong, this BM is a good friend, or she wouldn't have been in the running to begin with. The fact that she does live in town was just a bonus, because my really close friends live all over the place. </div><div>
</div><div>I guess I really don't see how my expectations were so far off - I expected her imput on the dress, since I asked her for it. I didn't expect her to be so negative about my decorations, which I've worked really hard on picking out, and I really didn't expect her to go off about my dress, which everyone including me loves. (Seriously. It is THE most gorgeous, perfect dress I could have ever found.)</div><div>
</div><div>The biggest issue with your advice that I'm having is the factor in her imput on the dress. She did get a say in the style, which is the only thing she does like. She hates the color, since the colors I've chosen for my wedding are nothing that she normally wears. The other 3 bridesmaids, however, think the fabric we've picked is absolutely gorgeous. I'm also going an incredibly inexpensive route, as a friend of my Mom's is making the dresses, and I'm buying the fabric. All she has to pay for is the (reduced) fee my mom's friend is charging, which is less than a 3rd of what I paid for my bridesmaid dress. </div>

aerinpegadrak · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-being-pain-side?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:3de0e57b-4f65-4384-b6f8-0a683b0b1900Post:d8a7c613-a97d-4f4a-8268-ad4e44bc50cc">Re: Bridesmaid being a pain in my side!</a>:
[QUOTE]Your biggest problem is that weddings aren't tit for tat. Just because you didn't have the cahones to speak up about the dress in HER wedding doesn't mean she shouldn't be allowed to speak up. Your second biggest problem is that you can't ask for her input all the time and help planning (which is why your OP says you chose her to begin with) and then get all upset because she gives it. Either limit your wedding talk with her and plan your own dang party or put up with her input and be glad you have a friend who loves you enough to be honest, even when you're a Bride.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]
Exactly. If what you really mean is, "Here's what I'm doing, please tell me how awesome it is," just say that, and save yourself a lot of heartache. Her opinions don't have to coincide with yours just because she's in your wedding.

graysquirrel · October 2010

I'm wondering if perhaps you missed a really important step from the beginning: did you ask what your BMs dress budgets looked like? Honestly, she does sound like a piece of work, but brides need to ask for the numbers before picking things out. Then nobody can complain about the cost. If you have not done this, I'd try it out.

Second, she should get no input on colors or your decor. That is not her job. Bridesmaids are required to show up, wear their dresess, and walk down the aisle. Being a co-planner isn't in the description. If you get a willing & helpful partner, then that is a bonus. If she doesn't like the color of the dress, that is her problem, not yours. And if she walks out on you, then she looks like the jerk, not you. But you shouldn't replace a BM once asked-- it is a big breach of etiquette.

amberhanson · October 2010

I totally understand what you are going through. One of my BM is pulling something similiar. I got a lot of posts telling me that a need to know basis is a good thing and I think I am going to follow that advice. As far as the dress goes...I did the same for my BM's wedding. I bought the dress and the shoes w/out complaining to her because it was HER day as this is YOUR day and your future husbands!

Jenn Anne · October 2010

I personally don't blame you for thinking this. I had some serious issues with one of my bridesmaids which made some of the girls on the forums dislike me. Tell me I'm a horrible person and ect. But it's your wedding. I would have a sit down conversation and state exactly what you have said. It's your wedding, don't be afraid to tell her exactly what you think. I have been in your shoes and it's not an easy decision. I It's not right for someone that's close to you to make you feel like that. You're not horrible , you can sit down and fix this. No one should make you cry over your wedding. It's you and your FI choices, not anyone elses. I really hope for your sake this works out. I know how badly it sucks but sitting down and talking out the issue will help all around.

marissa_claire · October 2010

As a good bride and as a good friend, you should listen to her concerns. She's trying to explain that she has budget issues, or that maybe those colors don't look good on her. A bridesmaid's job is not to just be a yes man to the bride.

I know you think she's being unreasonable, but she is just being honest with you. If this weren't for your wedding, would you ever consider making a friend buy something she couldn't afford and nonetheless have it be a dress she doesn't like? Using the excuse of "oh it's my day, it's all about what I want so what I say goes" is just a bad reason to be a bad friend. You wouldn't get away with it any other time of year and a wedding is no excuse to be a bad friend.

AutumnFair · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-being-pain-side?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:3de0e57b-4f65-4384-b6f8-0a683b0b1900Post:6d8a086b-0f79-46b3-9df1-ffebabb120ff">Re: Bridesmaid being a pain in my side!</a>:
[QUOTE]I personally don't blame you for thinking this. I had some serious issues with one of my bridesmaids which made some of the girls on the forums dislike me. Tell me I'm a horrible person and ect. But it's your wedding. I would have a sit down conversation and state exactly what you have said. It's your wedding, don't be afraid to tell her exactly what you think. I have been in your shoes and it's not an easy decision. I It's not right for someone that's close to you to make you feel like that. You're not horrible , you can sit down and fix this. No one should make you cry over your wedding. It's you and your FI choices, not anyone elses. I really hope for your sake this works out. I know how badly it sucks but sitting down and talking out the issue will help all around.
Posted by Jenn Anne[/QUOTE]

<div>BS, if you are ignoring your friends request for a cheaper dress how exactly is that a good thing? You might be a Bride, but you should be a FRIEND FIRST! Your vision shouldn't dismiss a friends concerns. Telling them to suck it up for your wedding is a sure way to damage your friendship. The only thing your right on is to have to talk to her friend and I hope the Bride will LISTEN and take consideration to what concerns her friend. </div>

Jenn Anne · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-being-pain-side?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:3de0e57b-4f65-4384-b6f8-0a683b0b1900Post:b4425eee-cdf5-4388-a48b-d5168bada616">Re: Bridesmaid being a pain in my side!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid being a pain in my side! : BS, if you are ignoring your friends request for a cheaper dress how exactly is that a good thing? You might be a Bride, but you should be a FRIEND FIRST! Your vision shouldn't dismiss a friends concerns. Telling them to suck it up for your wedding is a sure way to damage your friendship. The only thing your right on is to have to talk to her friend and I hope the Bride will LISTEN and take consideration to what concerns her friend.
Posted by AutumnFair[/QUOTE]

I don't see discussing things as IGNORING her. I think that it is absolutely ridiuclous to attack this girl when you have no idea why her friend is doing any of this... Yes, her "budget issues" could be the problem but nothing guarentees that. I never once said suck it up, but you sometimes, as a good friend,need to learn when to sit back and shut up. I know for my sister's wedding I hated the pretty much every aspect of it. The dress, the location, the theme, everything but I was still there for her every step of the way.Plus this is about more than just a dress, unless of course you just ignored that part of the OP. She put this girl into tears beacause she hasn't liked anything else planned so far. I don't think that's what a good friend does. He/she doesn't attack every aspect of the happiest day of his/her's friend's life. Sorry not how this works. For this to be blown so far out of proportion is insane. By sitting down and discussing things with your friend about the wedding won't damage anything, it's better to have it all on the table then to let it simmer and finally get to the boiling point. I had tons of girls attack me for something that I had decided to do too with my wedding, and guess what, it turned out just fine. Everyone involved is still very close to me and that will never change.

Silveryelf, I think that you really have to think about this, but in all honesty if she's really as good as a friend as you beleive she is she'll hear you out. I would also explain that the dress that you have chosen is CHEAPER than what she expected her BM's to have. Not only that but if all the BM's feel the same then consider something else but I think to let her dictate you're day for you is not right either. You have to do what feels right. I have been in your shoes and they suck terribly, I know when I posted my situation the girls attacking my character just made it worse. If you need anything PM me and we can talk <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-laughing.gif" border="0" alt="Laughing" title="Laughing" />I really hope that helps.

AutumnFair · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-being-pain-side?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:3de0e57b-4f65-4384-b6f8-0a683b0b1900Post:c6f747cc-ec8f-4347-97ca-a10e00586ebc">Re: Bridesmaid being a pain in my side!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid being a pain in my side! : I don't see discussing things as IGNORING her. I think that it is absolutely ridiuclous to attack this girl when you have no idea why her friend is doing any of this... Yes, her "budget issues" could be the problem but nothing guarentees that.<strong> I never once said suck it up, but you sometimes, as a good friend,need to learn when to sit back and shut up</strong>. I know for my sister's wedding I hated the pretty much every aspect of it. The dress, the location, the theme, everything but I was still there for her every step of the way.Plus this is about more than just a dress, unless of course you just ignored that part of the OP. She put this girl into tears beacause she hasn't liked anything else planned so far. I don't think that's what a good friend does. He/she doesn't attack every aspect of the happiest day of his/her's friend's life. Sorry not how this works. For this to be blown so far out of proportion is insane. By sitting down and discussing things with your friend about the wedding won't damage anything, it's better to have it all on the table then to let it simmer and finally get to the boiling point. I had tons of girls attack me for something that I had decided to do too with my wedding, and guess what, it turned out just fine. Everyone involved is still very close to me and that will never change. Silveryelf, I think that you really have to think about this, but in all honesty if she's really as good as a friend as you beleive she is she'll hear you out. I would also explain that the dress that you have chosen is CHEAPER than what she expected her BM's to have. Not only that but if all the BM's feel the same then consider something else but I think to let her dictate you're day for you is not right either. You have to do what feels right. I have been in your shoes and they suck terribly, I know when I posted my situation the girls attacking my character just made it worse. If you need anything PM me and we can talk I really hope that helps.
Posted by Jenn Anne[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Umm, the first part of that line contradicts the second part. You don't tell anyone to suck it up, but you say that the friend needs to sit back and shut up. How is that NOT sucking it up. </div><div>
</div><div>And I still don't think you get it. Why does the Bride get to bring the discussion, why can't it be the BM? If the Bride went up and said "hey, i know you are having problems with the dress. Let's discuss your concerns. That is totally fine. But for the Bride to lecture to the BM about her "vision" and the BM needs to shut up and deal with it is rude. </div><div>
</div><div>You might have hated everything of your sister's wedding and "sucked it up" but that is you, if you wanted your dress to be cheaper or a different style you should have spoken up, it's your right to free speech even if it's your sister's wedding you still can be honest about things. It may have not been what your sister wanted to hear but at least you let your opinion known. This BM was getting asked her opinion and the gave her honest opinion, the Bride didn't like the constant "view" of her BM and the OP have found that she will not discuss wedding stuff with her anymore. </div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

Jenn Anne · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-being-pain-side?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:3de0e57b-4f65-4384-b6f8-0a683b0b1900Post:10a23ab7-78b5-465d-9a2e-5e98c6a394dd">Re: Bridesmaid being a pain in my side!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid being a pain in my side! : Umm, the first part of that line contradicts the second part. You don't tell anyone to suck it up, but you say that the friend needs to sit back and shut up. How is that NOT sucking it up. And I still don't think you get it. Why does the Bride get to bring the discussion, why can't it be the BM? If the Bride went up and said "hey, i know you are having problems with the dress. Let's discuss your concerns. That is totally fine. But for the Bride to lecture to the BM about her "vision" and the BM needs to shut up and deal with it is rude. You might have hated everything of your sister's wedding and "sucked it up" but that is you, if you wanted your dress to be cheaper or a different style you should have spoken up, it's your right to free speech even if it's your sister's wedding you still can be honest about things. It may have not been what your sister wanted to hear but at least you let your opinion known. This BM was getting asked her opinion and the gave her honest opinion, the Bride didn't like the constant "view" of her BM and the OP have found that she will not discuss wedding stuff with her anymore.
Posted by AutumnFair[/QUOTE]

First of all that statement is not contradictive. It's true. I never said that someone should suck it up, but there needs to be a limit too. Sure I had my right to free speech but my harsh opinion didnt matter as much to me as my sister's feelings. That's what I'm trying to get at. Didn't your mother ever teach you "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all?" How is it ok to make a close friend of yours cry because you don't like some of the aspects of HER day? I don't understand how it's the brides responsiblity to be treated rudely by one of her BM's. I get stating an opinon but the reasoning doesn't make it right. So no it's not sucking it up, its not making your friend feel like a piece of crap. I think that's a huge difference.

There's nothing wrong with the BM bringing the conversation up first but she doesnt need to make the bride cry either, because that will defiantly make the relationship so much better. Hence the reason I said if the bride wants to talk about she needs to being it up so she can talk about her side too. When a person decides to start the conversation sometimes that conversation goes a bit more smoothly, because she has time to prepare some of her thoughts for the conversation. Nothing wrong with that. I also don't remember the bride talking about how she lectured the BM, so I have no clue where that's coming from. I do know that it's her call either way.

Jenn Anne · October 2010

PS Silvery Elf- If you'd rather have his sister in the WP, it's not a bad thing. my WP is nothing but our families so that aspect makes it much easier...

marissa_claire · October 2010

Jenn, have you watched Bridezillas? Because those girls cry over everything. Just because this lady cried over something doesn't mean her BM was being soooo mean. No, in our shoes we can honestly not tell the whole story and that makes it hard for us to give her advice. But a BM telling you she doesn't like a dress is no reason to cry, pretty much ever. The OP only refers to her BM speaking up about the dress being too expensive, which under any circumstances a bride should always accommodate. It doesn't matter if she's out binge drinking every night, if a girl says she cannot to afford your dream BM dress, you should change your plans or try to help her pay for it. A good bride should try to accommodate her BMs, just as a good BM should try to accommodate the bride. As a bride, I've tried everything I can to make sure they are happy and comfortable *hello, they are my friends!* and as a BM I would do everything to make sure her day goes well.

Aside from that, the OP makes it sound like she chose this girl because she thought her friend would make the best wedding planner. That's not a good reason to choose someone as a BM! They should be your closest friends that you want next to you on that big day.

AutumnFair · October 2010

If the Bride asks a BM or anyone something they can get whatever opinion they want. The whole "if you don't have something nice to say" bit is nice if you don't really give a crap about what is being discuss. Plus, you may have dislike the taste of your sister but you figured "hey, its her wedding and she wants lime green centerpieces with hot pink ribbons. That's her thing". But if someone really likes to give their opinion and its not what the Bride wants then the Bride should avoid all questions to the person who is verbally open about things.

Basically its like theKnot, you post a question, have an opinion, etc, and we can speak freely to what's being discuss. People don't have to sugar coat things if they aren't a fan, plus the Bride is in charge of what she wants with her wedding so besides the dress (in which the friend has to wear) anything her friend says is not cement in stone and the Bride can just do what is in her taste. If a Bride is asking me a question, I give my honest opinion because I hope that is what she wants since she is asking me. Now if its not what the Bride wants to hear, then why did she ask me? You think guys have the trap of "Does this dress make my butt look big?" but Brides do this to their own friends and family when asking them questions and its a lot harder because sometimes the people answering don't know if the Bride is really looking for an honest opinion or just want their friends/family to humor them. So yeah, Brides can get real sensitive if you actually speak honestly to their question. Once again, if you ask a question, don't get whiny/overly sensitive when they dislike it.

I will say the most of time I restrain myself if I am giving an opinion to the Bride if I don't like something. I always reassure her that its ultimately her choice and that if she really loves it to go for it (not talking about BM dresses). But some people don't have a whole lot of restraint with their opinion (the women side of my mom's side of the family do not hold a lot back) so if you know this about a person it would be very wise to think before you speak (asking your question).

Jenn Anne · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-being-pain-side?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:3de0e57b-4f65-4384-b6f8-0a683b0b1900Post:ce0f7d44-e603-44dd-ab89-faf738715c13">Re: Bridesmaid being a pain in my side!</a>:
[QUOTE]Jenn, have you watched Bridezillas? Because those girls cry over everything. Just because this lady cried over something doesn't mean her BM was being soooo mean. No, in our shoes we can honestly not tell the whole story and that makes it hard for us to give her advice. But a BM telling you she doesn't like a dress is no reason to cry, pretty much ever. The OP only refers to her BM speaking up about the dress being too expensive, which under any circumstances a bride should always accommodate. It doesn't matter if she's out binge drinking every night, if a girl says she cannot to afford your dream BM dress, you should change your plans or try to help her pay for it. A good bride should try to accommodate her BMs, just as a good BM should try to accommodate the bride. As a bride, I've tried everything I can to make sure they are happy and comfortable *hello, they are my friends!* and as a BM I would do everything to make sure her day goes well. Aside from that, the OP makes it sound like she chose this girl because she thought her friend would make the best wedding planner. That's not a good reason to choose someone as a BM! They should be your closest friends that you want next to you on that big day.
Posted by marissa_claire[/QUOTE]

I have watched bridezillas, but in all honesty this doesn't seem like something that should be classified as that. I think that the stress of planning gets to most brides, I know it has gotten to me at more than one point in time.

I also get that in the OP she made it sound like that but she also corrected herself saying that this is also one of her close friends. I also try to make my BM's happy, I really do, but there are times that you can't satisfy everyone. I'm saying that there is no reason to be hurtful to someone who is your friend because you don't like all the decisions she's making for her big day. Everyone is different, so yes their opinions will be different but thet's not reason to disrespect them either. I guess<em> </em>I'm going to call the agree to disagree move here because I actually see it from the brides point of view, and I have been in her shoes so I know how badly this situation sucks in general. I guess it's my downfall to try to be sympathetic with someone that no one else sees her side.

I guess that I know how horrible people on this site made me feel when I posted my similar situation. I don't mind stating your opinon but don't attack character, why is that right? Don't tell me that I'm a horrible person or that my friends will hate me or any of that. No this isn't in refference to you but it just irritates me. I don't want someone else to feel the way I did when people would not even look into my situation and just talk about how stupid I am and how I was completely in the wrong. So I have her back, never met her, but I do understand where she's coming from.

AutumnFair · October 2010

Alright, I checked back on Moms and Maids to find your original post and I can not find how you were attacked. The funny part is that you didn't even call anyone out as being mean and attacking when it came to your situation (which really didn't have anything in common with OP). So I really don't get it. OP has cleared herself of this situation and I thought you were settled with what you got for responses. But I'm not a fan with you throwing out the "everyone is so mean on this site, I got attacked for posting something similar so I have to defend OP" when no one was mean, attacking, etc and you even thanked people for the responses. So I'm really confused to why you are bringing this up now.

Also there is a MOD here and I'm sure Kniblet can tell when someone is being personally attacked and will take control of a thread if it gets out of hand. If you can't handle what people on the internet tell you, there is an easy solution rethink your personal stance or just find somewhere else to post. Seriously, I know early on I have had heated discussions with regs about certain topics and you just have to learn that as long as you can handle what people say you can still enjoy the forums. I hope you keep learning the ins and outs of theKnot boards, sometimes you need to realize that when 20 ladies say your idea is not good or you have a good possibly in hurting your friend then maybe we are just being truthful and not mean that we aren't validating your actions.

Bridesmaid being a pain in my side!

Re: Bridesmaid being a pain in my side!

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