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What would you do about the guest list?

cathinatorcathinator
First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Hello,
For years I've always had all kinds of thoughts and ideas when planning my wedding but now that I'm actually planning the real thing, I'm finding that I'm changing some things. It's fine but I have a question- what would you do about this?

When my finance and I first talked about our guest list, he mentioned he prefered something smaller. I've always wanted everyone I've known to be at my wedding but then it got me excited, thinking about a smaller, intimate wedding. BUT of course...everyone has their own opinions. My sisters are like "WHAT, YOU'RE NOT INVITING AUNTS AND UNCLES AND COUSINS?" We have decided to invite immediate family and close friends. My parents as well- "WHAT???" They said to both of us that they would be very offended and DEEPLY HURT if their siblings aren't invited. I love my aunts and uncles but my parents are closer to them than me. So I'm stressed out and in a huge dilemma because I don't want to hurt my parents or offend my extended family but at the same time I feel I want follow through with our original decision. I did think about other people's feelings when I made my decision but I feel it's hard to please everyone.

What do you think? Am I crazy not inviting aunts and uncles? What is the big deal?
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Re: What would you do about the guest list?

  • JessAndTravJessAndTrav member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Do you have like, 25 aunts and uncles and 50 cousins, or it is like, 6 aunts and uncles and 12 cousins?

    If it's smaller, I'd just invite them.

    Are they helping you pay for the wedding? If so, they should get a little say in who is invited.

    And last, I had to giggle at FINANCE and not fiance.
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  • jnic0319jnic0319
    500 Comments
    Are you doing this for budget reasons?  When I think "intimate wedding" I picture immediate family (aunts, uncles, grandparents, parents, close friends).  I would be extremely hurt if I weren't invited to my nieces wedding someday if/when she decides to get married.  Ultimately, I do think the decision has to be up to the two of you along with whomever is paying for the wedding.  But, if you can afford it I would invite at least your parents siblings.
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  • evabeeevabee member
    100 Comments
    I would invite them. But, in the interest of full disclosure, I do come from the camp who believes your wedding is a cultural event and a momentous family occasion, so you include everyone because it's not just about you and FI but about welcoming a new person into the family. MANYYYY people disagree with me though, and I don't think there's ever any reason to pass judgement either way. If you don't see your wedding as a big family event and your FI wants it small, I think you have your reason for not inviting your aunts and uncles.
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  • ohwhynotohwhynot member
    2500 Comments
    Aunts and Uncles aren't immediate family.  Cousins and nephews and nieces aren't either, although nephews and nieces are cutting it close.  I am biased, I suppose, because I am struggling with this issue myself and we have to draw a line somewhere.  I have 15 adult nephews and nieces - if we invited all of them with their spouses and SOs, that adds 25 people to our guest list.  Not a small or insignigicant number, and that's just my side.  Fi also comes from a large family, although he has only 3 adult nieces.   Cousins?  Forget about it - too many to count!

    As my nephews and nieces marry, I realize that they may not be able to accommodate this large family.  I don't think it would be fair for me to be offended if they choose a small wedding, whether its financial or simple personal preference.  I say stick to your guns. 
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  • cathinatorcathinator
    First Comment
    Thanks all!!! I appreciate your responses. Oops I didn't realize I wrote Finance instead of Fiance haha...the extra number would be about 20 with aunts and uncles and a few more cousins. I guess it's not a huge number- I do have 20 cousins on each side but I'm not close to most of them so I'm only inviting a few. I wasn't invited to most of theirs either. My parents are paying for some of the wedding, not all of it so I suppose it's respectful to allow them to have some say in having their siblings there.
    Thanks again!
    -Cathinator(I wrote the original post)
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