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April 2014 Weddings
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What would you do?

stefwells23stefwells23
First Comment
in April 2014 Weddings
So I am going to try to keep with somewhat vague, just to avoid any confusion.

Would you allow someone to guilt you into being invited to your DW wedding?
Also, would you invite someone strictly out of obligation (casual gf of FI's friend) over one of your close friends to your DW wedding if you had a limited amount of space?

Thx!
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Re: What would you do?

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    bnorton3bnorton3
    First Comment
    I would not let someone pressure me into anything I don't want to do or I am not comfortable with doing. Espescially if you are choosing between someone you barely know and someone you are close to. 

    I hope you get this sorted out and you don't get too stressed out! :)  
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    stefwells23stefwells23
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    I am really trying not to let it stress me out, and I want to stick to my original list of people for the DW ceremony. Just tired of everyone talking about her not being invited...

    Thanks for your response, it helps me knowing that I am not totally off base with the way I have been dealing with this situation.
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    mpaone24mpaone24 member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    Etiquette states that if someone is in a relationship, then their significant other be invited.  Think about, you would be upset if your bf/FI was invited to a wedding or anything for that matter and you weren't invited.  I know DW are different, but the equiette rules still apply.
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    stefwells23stefwells23
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    Honestly I have been in that position, and I didn`t get upset. I just don`t understand why it would be ok to uninvite one of my friends, just so she can come?
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    RWS2011RWS2011 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment
    Is your budget so tight that 1 person makes a big difference?  For instance, are you covering travel or lodging costs for guests?  If it is just a matter of dinner costs, it would seem that a single person shouldn't break the bank!  

    I have a question, why do you call her a "casual gf?"  If they are in a relationship (if they consider themselves to be boyfriend and girlfriend), they need to be invited together.  Also, have you already sent out invitations or Save the Dates?  It may be too late now, but a good way to avoid hurt feelings while you hammer out the guest list is to not tell anyone specifically that they ARE invited.  That way, you don't have to worry about failing to send an invitation to someone you told in passing that they would be invited.

    Also, I know when you are keeping a wedding small there are tough choices to make and you want the people nearest to you to attend, so I understand your struggle.  Regardless of how you feel about it, there are rules of etiquette.  You could stick to your guns, fail to invite your FI's friend's gf in favor of a close friend of yours, but you have to know that it is considered rude to exclude the significant other of an invited guest.  Ultimately, only you and your fiance can decide how to handle this situation.  

    Sorry if this advice is too general, as I am just trying to respond to the details that are posted! 
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    stefwells23stefwells23
    First Comment

    The villa that we are staying at has a limited amount of space, and is at a price everyone can afford. We have 13 spots, and when we decided where and when we invited everyone we knew we wanted there. Save the dates had been sent out, so that everyone had time and some details in order to start saving for the trip. I wanted to ensure that everyone had ample time to save etc. They were not together at the time my FI and I sent out the Save The Dates.

    The villa is very affordable ($1600 for one week for 13 people). I have looked for other accommodations to fit everyone but the price is bummed up to $4000-$5000 for 1 week, which would make it impossible for most people to come being that it isn`t an all inclusive.

    We don`t like being in a place where we have to choose, or tell someone else that they can`t come.... of even worse that the costs is going up by a minimum of $500 per person.

    I am honestly at the point where I would rather it just be my FI and myself and not worry about hurting anyones feelings.....

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    stefwells23stefwells23
    First Comment
    PS: RWS I really appreciate your response, thank you!. Planning a DW wedding was our choice even before we got engaged to avoid any hurt feelings etc, but it seems we can`t avoid it either way.
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    lasweetielasweetie member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    I would personally sit down with the friend of your fiance and his gf and explain that the space is limited, and she can't come. Etiquette says that you should invite couples together yes, but if the relationship is new or casual, that is different. Many people when trying to keep guest lists small only extend the invite to spouses, fiances, or long-term partners. 

    Also, especially if inviting her means you have to un-invite a guest, then she and the friend should understand.

    Good luck! 
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    stefwells23stefwells23
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2014-weddings_what-would-you-do?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:61a7a4c2-b16b-4dc9-93ee-b04e4cdbdcd6Discussion:40ff4487-dc51-49e4-ab79-06fce75cd2b6Post:c898b11a-b75e-4642-bd9a-b47e2fecc0a6">Re: What would you do?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I would personally sit down with the friend of your fiance and his gf and explain that the space is limited, and she can't come. Etiquette says that you should invite couples together yes, but if the relationship is new or casual, that is different. Many people when trying to keep guest lists small only extend the invite to spouses, fiances, or long-term partners.  Also, especially if inviting her means you have to un-invite a guest, then she and the friend should understand. Good luck! 
    Posted by lasweetie[/QUOTE]

    Thank you for your response! My fiance has kindly offered to talk to his friend about the situation, since this friend has been talking about it and complaining to everyone which isn't fair to my FI or I. He hasn't asked us flat out, so a conversation is needed. If they had been together for a little while when we sent out the STD's it wouldn't be a problem, but she wasn't in the picture....

    Going to try and deal with this soon, as we really want to be able to book the villa and have the guest list finalized so we can send out a budget to the bridal party and other guests.

    Thanks again :)
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