What do you call your soon to be in-laws? (kind of long)

cokie216 · August 2012

Hi everyone- I am having anxiety about something and wanted to see if anyone was in the same boat. My Fiance's parents are very traditional and I have always had to call them Mr. and Mrs. K-. I grew up very differently and have always called friends of my parents by their first name and my mom has my fiance call her by her first name.

The way tradition goes, my future in-laws would be called Mom and Dad once we get married. I am so not okay with this. I already have a Mom and can't imagine calling anyone else Mom and my Dad died when I was a teenager and will never call anyone else Dad. I brought up the issue to my fiance and proposed that I just start calling his parents by their first names but he thinks they will not be comfortable with that. I don't know what to do! We see them very often and I can't get away with not calling them anything for too long! Anyone have advice or dealing with this?

LDubHawksFan · August 2012

I don't think your FI should have to start calling his parents by their first name, and I don't think you should have to call them Mom and Dad. I don't see why you can't call them by their first name. I never thought of it any other way, and that is how I intend to refer to my ILs.

brainybrunette · August 2012

I don't feel comfortable calling FI's parents mom and dad either. He can call them mom and dad, but I'll still be calling them by their first names. They keep signing cards to me mom and dad FI's last name, but I just don't feel comfortable with that.

cokie216 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2012-weddings_what-do-you-call-your-soon-to-be-in-laws-kind-of-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:56b9bcef-1e34-456e-81f5-cfaa107456b2Discussion:b1bd95c3-f8a8-4090-822d-7bac4c6dd31ePost:e7be5f3d-a0d9-4042-b9d3-167272ebfb04">Re: What do you call your soon to be in-laws? (kind of long)</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think your FI should have to start calling his parents by their first name, and I don't think you should have to call them Mom and Dad. I don't see why you can't call them by their first name. I never thought of it any other way, and that is how I intend to refer to my ILs.
Posted by lwoehlk[/QUOTE]

Sorry if my post was confusing. I didn't mean that my fiance will be calling his parents by their first names. I meant that I would start calling his parents by their first names.

cbear215 · August 2012

I'm not comfortable calling anyone else, other than my parents, Mom and Dad either. I called my FILs by their first names. In your situation, I would probably continue to call them Mrs. and Mr. K, until they say otherwise. I can't imagine her ever saying, please call me "mom", but if she does, I would just tell her you aren't comfortable calling her that but ask her if there's something else she would prefer to be called.

Lrini1 · August 2012

I'm right there with you. FI's dad told me to call him by his first name but FMIL does not want to be called by her name. I use Mrs. FI's LastName for now, and I know they expect me to call her Mom come October 20th because that's what everyone in their family has done, but I don't like that at all. I have a mom, and my relationship with FMIL isn't that of a mother-daughter. I sort of feel it's disrespectful to my relationship with my parents. I've often thought, "I can't wait to have kids so I can just start calling them Grandma/Grandpa," what I'll do until then I haven't figured out, lol.

I have no advice, but I'd love to hear what others think. I will say stick to your feelings and don't do something that makes you uncomfortable, maybe try to explain that you'd like to call them by their first names and why you feel that way.

LDubHawksFan · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2012-weddings_what-do-you-call-your-soon-to-be-in-laws-kind-of-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:56b9bcef-1e34-456e-81f5-cfaa107456b2Discussion:b1bd95c3-f8a8-4090-822d-7bac4c6dd31ePost:95262ca7-d887-4599-b65f-419984a58d26">Re: What do you call your soon to be in-laws? (kind of long)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What do you call your soon to be in-laws? (kind of long) : Sorry if my post was confusing. I didn't mean that my fiance will be calling his parents by their first names. I meant that I would start calling his parents by their first names.
Posted by cokie216[/QUOTE]

Oh sorry! I mis-read that. Well I think you could ask her if she would mind you call her by her first name, or like PP said, continue to call her Mrs. Lastname until she broaches the subject of calling her Mom, then you can tell her you don't feel comfortable, or maybe she will say to call her by her first name then.

ReyesToy · August 2012

How about "Mother" or "Father"...it's a little more formal than Mom and Dad and maybe a good place to start from Mr and Mrs. You could also wait for them to hint at what they'd rather be called. My parents are traditional so my FI has been calling them Mr. and Mrs. but my Papa initiated this conversation and he told my FI that he can start calling him by his first name.

cokie216 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2012-weddings_what-do-you-call-your-soon-to-be-in-laws-kind-of-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:56b9bcef-1e34-456e-81f5-cfaa107456b2Discussion:b1bd95c3-f8a8-4090-822d-7bac4c6dd31ePost:119c43b8-ea65-4aa6-bffe-1ba6aad30223">Re: What do you call your soon to be in-laws? (kind of long)</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm right there with you. FI's dad told me to call him by his first name but FMIL does not want to be called by her name. I use Mrs. FI's LastName for now, and I know they expect me to call her Mom come October 20th because that's what everyone in their family has done, but I don't like that at all. I have a mom, and my relationship with FMIL isn't that of a mother-daughter. I sort of feel it's disrespectful to my relationship with my parents. I've often thought,<strong> "I can't wait to have kids so I can just start calling them Grandma/Grandpa,</strong>" what I'll do until then I haven't figured out, lol. I have no advice, but I'd love to hear what others think. I will say stick to your feelings and don't do something that makes you uncomfortable, maybe try to explain that you'd like to call them by their first names and why you feel that way.
Posted by Lrini1[/QUOTE]

I have thought the exact same thing! haha. We are definitely in the same boat.

trawas01 · August 2012

I call them by their first names. When we first started dating it was Mr & Mrs, but after 7 years we've morphed to first names.

ktelizabeth86 · August 2012

I call FILs by their first names and they have always seemed fine with that. I am NOT comfortable calling anyone else Mom and Dad. I don't even get that . . . they aren't your parents. My only advice would be to keep calling them what you call them now and if they insist on Mom and Dad just let them know you aren't comfortable with that. Good luck.

lehc723 · August 2012

I call them by their first names, but I have for a while, so it won't be a change. They stopped being Mr./Mrs. Last Name after we'd been together about a year, at their insistence. I likewise wouldn't feel comfortable calling them Mom & Dad-- that's what my parents are. For what it's worth, for the sake of simplicity, we do write cards and whatnot to Mom & Dad, just so it's not like, "To Mom/First Name, Happy birthday!" or whatever.

A friend just got married and called her FILs Mr. & Mrs. up until the day they got married, and was having a hard time switching to calling them by their first names.

catwine · August 2012

I started calling my fiance parenst Mr and Mrs when we were dating but they said "call us Joe and Lois". They sign cards for us as "Mom and Dad" but I will probably never call them that! I honestly I'd probably never call them by their first names eitehr. It's not like I'd call up FMIL and be like "oh hi Lois, how's it going?"

cokie216 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2012-weddings_what-do-you-call-your-soon-to-be-in-laws-kind-of-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:56b9bcef-1e34-456e-81f5-cfaa107456b2Discussion:b1bd95c3-f8a8-4090-822d-7bac4c6dd31ePost:07b7fbee-236a-41f0-9caf-3de215353671">Re: What do you call your soon to be in-laws? (kind of long)</a>:
[QUOTE]I started calling my fiance parenst Mr and Mrs when we were dating but they said "call us Joe and Lois". They sign cards for us as "Mom and Dad" but I will probably never call them that! I honestly I'd probably never call them by their first names eitehr. It's not like I'd call up FMIL and be like "oh hi Lois, how's it going?"
Posted by christinavy[/QUOTE]

So do you think you can get away with not calling them anything? I find it so awkward. In emails and phone calls and if you need to ask for something across the room or ...oh man I hate this.

Thanks for all the good advice everyone. I probably just need to tell them it makes me uncomfortable and see what they say.

ericaandtom2012 · August 2012

I started out with Mr. and Mrs., but after 7 years, I'm going by the first names. It will stay that way after we're married; I would find it weird to call them mom and dad (even mother and father). Once we have kids, when talking to the kids, it will be grandma and grandpa, but I'll still address them by their first names when it's just us.

I think you should have a conversation with them and say, here's what I'm comfortable with; what are you comfortable with?

ivedonethisb4 · August 2012

I always called FI's parents Mrs. First name and Mr. First name since day one. In GA its considered disrespectful of ur elders if you don't put the mr or mrs. I don't plan to change it either...until its MawMaw and PawPaw.

catwine · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2012-weddings_what-do-you-call-your-soon-to-be-in-laws-kind-of-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:56b9bcef-1e34-456e-81f5-cfaa107456b2Discussion:b1bd95c3-f8a8-4090-822d-7bac4c6dd31ePost:45bf2733-c0e3-4f95-938a-2dc0a882e8da">Re: What do you call your soon to be in-laws? (kind of long)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What do you call your soon to be in-laws? (kind of long) : <strong>So do you think you can get away with not calling them anything?</strong> I find it so awkward. In emails and phone calls and if you need to ask for something across the room or ...oh man I hate this. Thanks for all the good advice everyone. I probably just need to tell them it makes me uncomfortable and see what they say.
Posted by cokie216[/QUOTE]

good point...in e-mails and texts I say "Joe and Lois" but I'm uncomfortable calling them that to their face.

What do you call your soon to be in-laws? (kind of long)

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