Me and my two friends are engaged!! RANT

nd7309 · April 2010

I'm super happy but sometimes I feel I have to conceal it, one of my friends got engaged two months before me and the other on the same day as me,

One reason I feel the need to conceal is because my ring is much nicer, bigger and more expensive, so when we're in a group I always get something along the lines of "wow, you can knock someone out with that thing, it's gorgeous I need to find a man who loves me that much" etc when they get "oh, that's cute" I see it affect them and if affects me as well. I really don't know what to say so i usually downplay my ring and fiance and I don't think that's fair but I just don't know what to say or do in this case.

nda_roxybabe · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_two-friends-engaged-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:7777145c-102d-41cb-aa09-26604a55c1fcPost:2e9212ff-ce97-4788-b28c-4ea2e368a6d0">Me and my two friends are engaged!! RANT</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm super happy but sometimes I feel I have to conceal it, one of my friends got engaged two months before me and the other on the same day as me, One reason I feel the need to conceal is because my ring is much nicer, bigger and more expensive, so when we're in a group I always get something along the lines of "wow, you can knock someone out with that thing, it's gorgeous I need to find a man who loves me that much" etc when they get "oh, that's cute" I see it affect them and if affects me as well. I really don't know what to say so i usually downplay my ring and fiance and I don't think that's fair but I just don't know what to say or do in this case.
Posted by nd7309[/QUOTE]
You come off as a little bratty. I would just say thank you and let it go. Why would you down play you're fiance? All you have to do is say "thanks!" then move on.

Mrs.B6302007 · April 2010

People are complimenting your ring so I don't understand how this is a rant? I'm sure it wasn't your intention, but it really does sound like a materialistic brag session by coming on here and comparing your ring to theirs. You could have said something along the lines of "My two friends and I all were engaged at the same time. Any suggestions on how to keep the oohs and aahs on all three of us when someone approaches us and singles one of us out for congratulations?" or something like that.

Anyway, I agree with Roxy. A quick "well, thanks!" and change of topic should do the trick. GL.

shoegal715 · April 2010

I don't understand what your problem is.

brandibooh · April 2010

Made Up Drama

tigerlily25 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_two-friends-engaged-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:7777145c-102d-41cb-aa09-26604a55c1fcPost:07e5d4c9-8072-46fc-bdc6-9f79c6dc5493">Re: Me and my two friends are engaged!! RANT</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Me and my two friends are engaged!! RANT : <strong>You come off as a little bratty. I would just say thank you and let it go. </strong>Why would you down play you're fiance? All you have to do is say "thanks!" then move on.
Posted by nda_roxybabe[/QUOTE]

I dont really understand what you problem is either.

AdeleDazeem · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_two-friends-engaged-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:7777145c-102d-41cb-aa09-26604a55c1fcPost:2f985e07-3ab6-46b2-8c2e-fb3e8bd137c7">Re: Me and my two friends are engaged!! RANT</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Me and my two friends are engaged!! RANT : I dont really understand what you problem is either.
Posted by tigerlily25[/QUOTE]

Well... she does come off a little bratty. Let's call a spade a spade. That doesn't mean I think she's a bad person or anything. We all have our moments.

This is a minor problem. Smile! Be happy that everyone is engaged! Maybe when people say something about your ring, you can smile back and say "Thank you! Have you heard about x's proposal story? It's just so great!" and then the attention shifts back to another girl.

nda_roxybabe · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_two-friends-engaged-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:7777145c-102d-41cb-aa09-26604a55c1fcPost:2f985e07-3ab6-46b2-8c2e-fb3e8bd137c7">Re: Me and my two friends are engaged!! RANT</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Me and my two friends are engaged!! RANT : I dont really understand what you problem is either.
Posted by tigerlily25[/QUOTE]
You don't understand what my problem is or the OP?

tigerlily25 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_two-friends-engaged-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:7777145c-102d-41cb-aa09-26604a55c1fcPost:e7d379e2-0329-46d9-8e60-db438ed07fb5">Re: Me and my two friends are engaged!! RANT</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Me and my two friends are engaged!! RANT : You don't understand what my problem is or the OP?
Posted by nda_roxybabe[/QUOTE]

The OP

nda_roxybabe · April 2010

Haha ok, good.

dustybride · April 2010

I can understand how that would be difficult. Trying to stay friends when it becomes a battle of The Bands can be hard.
I am currently engaged at a college with one of the highest engagement-by-graduation rates around. It can be really difficult for people come Valentines Day or New Year's when ALL of their friends get engaged, and suddenly it's a competition about who's boyfriend-now-fiance pulled out the big bucks for the ring. It does end up making some girls feel less special when they find out one of their friends got a Tiffany engagement ring when theirs is just something small from a local jeweler.

So far all of these ideas seem right: Don't play down your engagement, your ring, or your fiance. It is very sweet that you've been so considerate of your friends, but this is your time to brag on your husband-to-be too. Instead of playing yours down, do say 'Thank you' and try to change the subject. 'X's engagement story' is a good one, you could also say how excited you are that you and your two friends are engaged at the same time and can share all the stress and struggles. Make it less about the rings and more about the people. It's clear you care about your friends to be so concerned about how peoples reaction to you affects them. Don't ignore it, just find a way to let them join in too.

blackfire5th · April 2010

I really don't see why you or your friends care about this.

blackfire5th · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_two-friends-engaged-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:7777145c-102d-41cb-aa09-26604a55c1fcPost:d0016f34-b2ba-4ad4-a3fd-d075d45b2955">Re: Me and my two friends are engaged!! RANT</a>:
[QUOTE]I can understand how that would be difficult. Trying to stay friends when it becomes a battle of The Bands can be hard. I am currently engaged at a college with one of the highest engagement-by-graduation rates around. It can be really difficult for people come Valentines Day or New Year's when ALL of their friends get engaged, and suddenly it's a competition about who's boyfriend-now-fiance pulled out the big bucks for the ring. It does end up making some girls feel less special when they find out one of their friends got a <strong>Tiffany engagement ring</strong> when theirs is just something small from a local jeweler. So far all of these ideas seem right: Don't play down your engagement, your ring, or your fiance. It is very sweet that you've been so considerate of your friends, but this is your time to brag on your husband-to-be too. Instead of playing yours down, do say 'Thank you' and try to change the subject. 'X's engagement story' is a good one, you could also say how excited you are that you and your two friends are engaged at the same time and can share all the stress and struggles. Make it less about the rings and more about the people. It's clear you care about your friends to be so concerned about how peoples reaction to you affects them. Don't ignore it, just find a way to let them join in too.
Posted by dustybride[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>DH wants to know what college guy can afford a Tiffany ring without help from mommy and daddy.

</div>

AdeleDazeem · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_two-friends-engaged-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:7777145c-102d-41cb-aa09-26604a55c1fcPost:6b3b7bb2-e2c4-40ff-9441-1c22e33e68bf">Re: Me and my two friends are engaged!! RANT</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Me and my two friends are engaged!! RANT : DH wants to know what college guy can afford a Tiffany ring without help from mommy and daddy.
Posted by blackfire5th[/QUOTE]

Joy wants to know who wants a Tiffany engagement ring...

(sorry - I just feel like many people go there to buy rings so they can say "look! It's from Tiffany's!" Blech.)

Julz629 · April 2010

It isn't a competition. I have friends who have more expensive rings than me, and friends who have less expensive rings than me. Who cares??? I love my FI, I love my ring, I love the fact that he bought what he could afford (versus going into debt for a piece of jewelry), and I love what it symbolizes. Just because a friend has a bigger diamond, doesn't mean her relationship is any more meaningful than mine.

Accept the compliment and move on. End of story.

sessionswedding · April 2010

My FI was unemployed when he bought my ring. (Thanks, /awesome/ economy for all the layoffs!) I love that he worked through months of yardwork, babysitting, and couch-cushion searching to save up enough money to buy my quarter-carat diamond solitaire. It makes it that much more beautiful.

jagore08 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_two-friends-engaged-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:7777145c-102d-41cb-aa09-26604a55c1fcPost:79e7401e-1e71-40ab-a51a-4e5f0a6c9d65">Re: Me and my two friends are engaged!! RANT</a>:
[QUOTE]People really get upset about this? My BFF has a crappy car, and I have a nice one. <strong> S</strong><strong>hould I get all bent out of shape when we drive anywhere?</strong>
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

<div>Yes, then your friend should kick your butt for rubbing your nice car in her face knowing she has the crappy one. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" /></div>

nd7309 · April 2010

WHOAAAA..this was taken completelyyy out of context...I'm a brat...ok?? It's not me bragging about my ring it's about how I see it affecting my two friends. and how it has become a competition against me for attention..so what i was asking is for advice on how to deal with it without having to put myself on the back burner.

lizstill13 · April 2010

Oh, I get it. But I can see where everyone else went with this, too.

Just say "thank you" and move on. Don't downplay it because then it makes it seem like you know your ring is bigger/more expensive. You are all engaged and you should all be happy to get the attention. Just don't make a big deal out of it if your friends aren't.

nda_roxybabe · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_two-friends-engaged-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:7777145c-102d-41cb-aa09-26604a55c1fcPost:2149967c-0660-4354-bac7-22da42734d56">Re: Me and my two friends are engaged!! RANT</a>:
[QUOTE]WHOAAAA..this was taken completelyyy out of context...I'm a brat...ok?? It's not me bragging about my ring it's about how I see it affecting my two friends. and how it has become a competition against me for attention..so what i was asking is for advice on how to deal with it without having to put myself on the back burner.
Posted by nd7309[/QUOTE]

We all gave you advice on how to handle it. Saying that your ring is bigger, better, nicer does sound bratty. I'm just going off of what you're giving me here.

ChunknLaura · April 2010

My goodness! I understand what you are talking about. My Best Friends ring is HUGE!!!! I LOVE LOVE my ring, and is super tiny compared to best friends! I couldn't care less!! BUT-I can tell that best friend feels more self-conscious about her size compared to mine. PLEASE, don't make it awkward and go pushing attention back onto her ring. Just say, I know, he did a great job picking out ring! I'm so excited my best friends are engaged as well and can go through this process together!! end of story.

luckyme502 · April 2010

I would just say thank you and move on. If it makes your friends feel awkward, that is on them, because it shouldn't.

SonaliPop · April 2010

They're paying you a compliment, so say thank you graciously and be happy for them, too! And move on! That's it! No need for a rant.

SonaliPop · April 2010

As for a 'smaller ring from a local jeweler', who cares? The man that they love is marrying them, that is all we can ask for from life - to be with the person who we love and who loves us. Rings are besides the point - they are a symbol! Anybody who gets that bent out of shape about one or jealous over someone elses is ridiculous.

janedoe1113a · April 2010

Just say thank you. If your friends are insecure over this, that's their problem and they need to learn how to deal with it.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · April 2010

I kind of wish this was my biggest problem in life.

SarahSmile23 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_two-friends-engaged-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:7777145c-102d-41cb-aa09-26604a55c1fcPost:29b12d74-15a1-4005-bfd3-f7e21bde03ad">Re: Me and my two friends are engaged!! RANT</a>:
[QUOTE]Just say thank you. If your friends are insecure over this, that's their problem and they need to learn how to deal with it.
Posted by navybaby1113[/QUOTE]

ditto navy.

and i actually don't think you were being a brat. you could have phrased your original post differently, but you do seem to be genuinely concerned about your friends and how to make them more comfortable in these situations. the problem with newly engaged women is that so much attention is focused

SarahSmile23 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_two-friends-engaged-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:7777145c-102d-41cb-aa09-26604a55c1fcPost:29b12d74-15a1-4005-bfd3-f7e21bde03ad">Re: Me and my two friends are engaged!! RANT</a>:
[QUOTE]Just say thank you. If your friends are insecure over this, that's their problem and they need to learn how to deal with it.
Posted by navybaby1113[/QUOTE]

ditto navy. and i actually don't think you were being bratty. you could have phrased your original question better (with fewer embellishments about your ring), but i think your heart is in the right place and you genuinely want to help them be more comfortable. the problem with being newly engaged is that so much attention is focused on the ring. give it a few months and people won't be grabbing your hands and oohing and aahing.

heather_shadow · May 2010

You need to proud of your ring. Your fiance chose it for you--thats what matters. Be proud of it and enjoy it. The size, cut, clarity...whatever...doesn't matter. You shouldn't have to downplay what your fiance gifted you. I am sure your friends love their rings no matter size or clarity...because the man they love gave it to them. You need to enjoy the ring your fiance gave to you!

mhaskett · May 2010

All the people saying you sound bratty...STOP JUDGING.

You're looking out for your friends who obviously are feeling slighted, I'm guessing not just because you have a bigger ring, but because you get more attention and this is their time to shine as well. If anything you are being considerate because you care enough to try to protect them

The person most at fault in this situation is the one giving the compliments here, because focusing just on your ring isn't exactly polite.

I don't think you need to down play your fiance, but in that situation I think it would be tactful to comlement him in other ways. By focusing on his personality characteristics it will show that you AREN'T materialist and hopefully make your friends feel more at ease.

Good luck, and please don't let all these negative comments get you down. They're really being unfair.

Me and my two friends are engaged!! RANT

Re: Me and my two friends are engaged!! RANT

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