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Snarky Brides

do you care what your fiance/husbands friends think?

Are you one of those wives that care what your finance/ husband's friends think? Would you allow him to accept a friend request on your family facebook page from a high school friend that he slept with years ago because she is friends with your husbands friends and you dont want them thinking your trying to control your husband? What are your thoughts on this issue??

Re: do you care what your fiance/husbands friends think?

  • You don't get to say who your H is friends with on facebook. If you're uncomfortable with this, talk to him about your feelings. I don't think it's anything to worry about, since high school is long over and he is married to you now.

    My thoughts are that this is not an issue.
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  • They are not separate facebooks its a family shared one. I didn't say anything about having an issue with it. I asked the people on the board if they would have an issue with it, and what their thoughts were.

  • Why would I have an issue with my H accepting a friend request from someone he slept with before me?  It's not like he's sleeping with her now... And if he was, we'd have all sorts of different issues.

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  • Oh, and for clarity:  Yes, I'd "allow" it.  But it would have nothing to do with his friends. 

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  • There are so many problems here I don't even know where to begin. 

    Basically, FI can be friends with whoever he wants to on Facebook. I don't "let" him be friends with anyone, he's a grown up, I trust him, and he can do as he pleases on his own. 

    His friends and what they might think of me have no bearing on this. At all. 

    You really seem to have your panties in a bunch over your "family" FB today. I just do not understand why couples can't maintain 2 separate Facebook accounts, and in your case, it sounds like that would probably be a better idea.
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  • WTF is a "family" facebook account?
    June 16, 2012
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  • edited September 2012
    Well... I don't think he'd friend someone he slept with in high school in the first place, but if he did, that was a long time ago. I trust him with my life, and that includes my heart.

    :) I just went and asked him what he'd do and he said he wouldn't friend an ex-lover and he wouldn't accept a friend request from one either because "it's stupid and in the past." So there you go.  

    ETA: Do I care what his friends think - of me? Absolutely.
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  • Like PP said, my H isn't friends with any of his exes, so he wouldn't even want to friend them on FB to begin with. Is he still friends with her? I guess I'm of the mindset that I only want to friend people on FB that I actually speak to and am friends or acquaintances with in real life, not someone I never see or talk to.

    But if he is still friends with her and wants to friend her, I wouldn't have an issue with it. I honestly have no idea who H is friends with on FB (and I know yours is a shared page, but I'm just telling you my situation). And I definitely wouldn't care what his friends had to say about the situation.

    If him being friends with her really bothers you, you need to communicate with H and ignore his friends' thoughts on this. They don't get a say in this.


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  • I don't have a FB account. FI does, and checks it often. I bought HM a new phone for his birthday, made sure it supported that app! I have no idea what friends he has. I do monitor my 12 year old son's friends and posts - but not FI's
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  • A family facebook is one that a husband and wife share thus the "family" part. Both have access to the page, both posts pictures and status updates. Mostly things about their children to keep family and friends up to date. When you see facebook names like ( katemike smith) or (loriandjason porter) those are facebooks shared by both people.
  • Of course I care what his friends think about me. Some of them were around in his life before I was.
    If you really have a problem with an ex from high school, maybe you should look a little more at yourself. It was a long, long time ago, and if she was in your husband's group of friends, than she's a part of his history, whether you like it or not.
    I'd never tell my FI who he can and cannot be friends with on facebook. He's an adult, he can make that decision. If I'm uncomfortable, I'll voice that to him, but ultimately it's his choice.
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  • In Response to Re: do you care what your fiance/husbands friends think?:
    [QUOTE]Well... I don't think he'd friend someone he slept with in high school in the first place, but if he did, that was a long time ago. I trust him with my life, and that includes my heart. :) I just went and asked him what he'd do and he said he wouldn't friend an ex-lover and he wouldn't accept a friend request from one either because "it's stupid and in the past." So there you go.   ETA: Do I care what his friends think - of me? Absolutely.
    Posted by DisneyAsh[/QUOTE]

    Can't that also be an argument supporting not caring if he IS friends with her?  I mean, I can see not friending someone that you had a one night stand with, or hooked up with and then never talked to again, but someone you are/were friends with?  Just because you hooked up with them shouldn't automatically rule them out of FB friend possibility.  Because, you know, it's in the past.

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  • Dang, I thought I attached a poll to this post but I dont see it anywhere.

    Anywho what if it was the other way around? What if this girl requested your friendship on your "shared" account and your husband thought it was wierd that you accepted it? If you didnt accept it, do you feel his friends would say it was because "you're trying to control him" or "tell him who his friends are"?
  • But if it's a shared account, she's not requesting one or the other, she's requesting you both.  WTF?  I don't think I understand your question. 

    I feel like you need to stop speaking hypothetically and just tell us what's going on.  If this happened, and his friends think that, they suck. 

    But honestly, I feel like a lot of this could be avoided by having your own separate accounts.

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  • celticmysscelticmyss member
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary
    edited September 2012
    I side eye the sh!t out of shared FB accounts. They seem so ridiculous to me.

    H and I both have people we've slept with on our FB pages and many of them were way more recent than high school. Who cares? If we wanted to be with any of those people we wouldn't be together. 

    The only way I could find it even remotely odd would be if it was a one night stand he or I never spoke to outside of the one incident. Even then it would be less about the sex and more about not caring at all about what that person is up to. 
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  • In Response to Re: do you care what your fiance/husbands friends think?:
    [QUOTE]I side eye the sh!t out of shared FB accounts. They seem so ridiculous to me. H and I both have people we've slept with on our FB pages and many of them were way more recent than high school. Who cares? If we wanted to be with any of those people we wouldn't be together.  The only way I could find it even remotely odd would be if it was a one night stand he or I never spoke to outside of the one incident. Even then it would be less about the sex and more about not caring at all about what that person is up to. 
    Posted by celticmyss[/QUOTE]

    This, totally.
    Get your own separate FB accounts and stop worrying about who slept with who in high school.  Be friends with people you want to be friends with, and don't be friends with people you don't.
    And why would your man's friends even know or care who is or isn't being added on FB?  I can't imagine my circle of late 20's and early 30s friends even being remotely interested in who's friending who.
    An honest question: OP, how old are you?  Because I'm wondering if maybe high school wasn't so long ago for you as it was for some of us.
  • I have way more of a problem with sharing a FB account (it's not like they are hard to set up or cost any money) than I would have with H being FB friends with an ex.  In fact, H IS FB friends with an ex.  A long term serious ex.  She and her family were very important to him for a long time and they helped make him the man I fell in love with supporting him when he moved out of his parents house at 18, and helping him get started in his adult life when his own parents did not.  She's married to someone else, has a kid now.  He's married to me, we have a baby on the way.  And the ultimate determining factor is that I trust him.  What his friends may/may not think is irrelevant to me.  If I didn't trust him we'd have different issues than who "he" is FB friends with.

  • An ex I dated in college is my BEST FRIEND and my FI doesn't give a crap that I'm friends with him on FB or in real life. In fact, I'm actually now friends with his current girlfriend. It shouldn't be an issue if you trust him.
  • Yeah, both FI and I are friends with old exes on FB (we both had a number of very amicable breakups) FI, in fact, regularly hung out with one of his exes before she moved away just because they were still friends. Never bothered me. It wasn't as though he's been harboring a torch for her and is trying to get back together with her.
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  • In Response to Re: do you care what your fiance/husbands friends think?:
    [QUOTE]Dang, I thought I attached a poll to this post but I dont see it anywhere. Anywho what if it was the other way around? What if this girl requested your friendship on your "shared" account and your husband thought it was wierd that you accepted it? If you didnt accept it, do you feel his friends would say it was because "you're trying to control him" or "tell him who his friends are"?
    Posted by Bigmama00[/QUOTE]

    This just sounds like over thinking.  It's f-ing facebook.  Social networking.  Key word being "social".  Honestly FI doesn't have FB (he thinks it's lame).  I am friends with his friends on FB and if one of his exes friended me, i wouldn't give a sh*t.  I would accept if I knew her/wanted to and would ignore if I didn't. 

    IDK, it's simple to me.
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  • Unless you are conjoined twins a "family" FB account is sooo ridiculous.

    Its FACEBook, not FACESbook

  • If the addition of one friend is causing this much of an issue, then you need to look deeper.  There are some control and trust issues going on here, which is probably why there is a joint FB account in the first place. My H is friends with ex's on FB as am I. I don't regulate his ish like Warren G because HS for us was almost 20 years ago.

    I'm pretty sure none of my (or H's) FB friends care whether I am friends with someone or not, let alone judge me for it either way. That part of things sounds pretty immature.
  • Maaaaaaan I WISH I had to worry about this.  Noodle won't even get a goddamn Facebook.  It took me three years to convince him to get a cell phone. 

    And then when I'm all "Oh your aunt said dinner is at blah blah blah" and he's all "HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT?!" and I'm all "Uh, she told me on Facebook" he gets butthurt.  Sorry your family and the rest of the world doesn't want to still communicate via smoke signals and drums, man. 

    /endrant
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  • I also side eye shared FB accounts. Seriously. set up your own accounts and move on. If you want to post pictures and status updated that are shared uhh then you tag eachother in the posts, not hard. FI and I are both friends with people on our FBs that we have slept with, dated for years, etc, it has no impact on my life and my FI is and adult and can be friends with who he wants.
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