"Sorry, you're not invited...."

57rainbows · December 2011

Hey ladies. I'd like some smooth-things-over help before this issue comes up so I know what to say.

I'm having a small wedding. Greg and I wanted a small wedding with our closest friends; people that were very meaningful to us and we truly *wanted* to be there. We decided early on, we are not inviting anyone because we "should"; only people that are close and meaningful to us.

My parents divorced this year. My dad was pretty ugly to my mom in some ways, and unfortunately he spreads a lot of untruths about mom, my sister, and even me to his side of the family. I know this, because people on his side of the family have accused mom and to a lesser exctent me of things, called us bad Christians, just been very unkind. I wasn't close to them anyway and it really hurt that NO ONE *ever* asked how I was doing through the divorce; furthermore even though they decided to get involved in it they never asked for another side of the story or point of view, they just took what dad said and started attacking. Clearly, These people don't count as 'close, meaningful friends'. It's a shame but that's just the way it is right now as dictated by their unkind actions.

So.... the only person I'm inviting from dad's side is dad himself. I'm not close to anyone else and they clearly don't care about me and how I'm doing since they didn't bother to ask even once, only contacting me to accuse me of stuff. Besides that, there's like 20 of them, and we're having like a 50 person wedding, so inviting them is kind of a big deal. It would totally change the feel of the wedding, how comfortable I was with it, how much I enjoyed it, and probably a lot of the same for mom.

I know if people ask where their invite is I can excuse it as "for budget reasons" or "due to the venue size", but I don't want to use those lines. My budget is actually quite small, but that's not the reason. And our venue is big enough. I want to be honest that FI and I just wanted a small wedding! I just can't figure out whether that's going to cause a big drama or if there's some better way to say it. "We wanted a small, intimate wedding" is okay, but if they get pushy or ask why they weren't invited but XYZ was.... how do I handle this? has anyone else had problems?

Even if they never ask, dad might, I don't know. I'm just a little stressed that this could go poorly. :-/

Ash61612 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_sorry-not-invited?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:d7c421ce-bc53-4cb9-97d0-5ea291751024Post:06cf4f25-2cdc-409a-8ab7-c5985d2e0d6d">"Sorry, you're not invited...."</a>:
[QUOTE] I'm not close to anyone else and they clearly don't care about me and how I'm doing since they didn't bother to ask even once, only contacting me to accuse me of stuff. Besides that, there's like 20 of them, and we're having like a 50 person wedding, so inviting them is kind of a big deal. It would totally change the feel of the wedding, how comfortable I was with it, how much I enjoyed it, and probably a lot of the same for mom. I know if people ask where their invite is I can excuse it as "for budget reasons" or "due to the venue size", but I don't want to use those lines. My budget is actually quite small, but that's not the reason. And our venue is big enough. I want to be honest that FI and I just wanted a small wedding!<strong> I just can't figure out whether that's going to cause a big drama or if there's some better way to say it. "We wanted a small, intimate wedding" is okay</strong>, but if they get pushy or ask why they weren't invited but XYZ was.... how do I handle this? has anyone else had problems? Even if they never ask, dad might, I don't know. I'm just a little stressed that this could go poorly. :-/
Posted by 57rainbows[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Just be honest with them. Even if you had invited 200 people, there are going to be people who wondered and ask you why they weren't invitied. You just can't physically invite EVERYONE to a wedding. Just say "our budget is small and we wanted a small, intimate wedding" and change the subject. Good luck!

</div>

kelsey+brandon · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_sorry-not-invited?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:d7c421ce-bc53-4cb9-97d0-5ea291751024Post:b2a87264-d39e-4578-a6b6-cf52b33230d5">Re: "Sorry, you're not invited...."</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to "Sorry, you're not invited...." : Just be honest with them. Even if you had invited 200 people, there are going to be people who wondered and ask you why they weren't invitied. You just can't physically invite EVERYONE to a wedding. Just say "our budget is small and we wanted a small, intimate wedding" and change the subject. Good luck!
Posted by Ash61612[/QUOTE]

<div>I agree with Ashley.</div>

Shanee18 · December 2011

I agree with everything Ashley said.

Megbo2012 · December 2011

I don't think I would even bring budget into the conversation because that's none of their business. I think "We wanted a small, intimate wedding" is all you need to say. Them asking in the first place is being rude, so don't feel bad about being short with them.

MMRoberts11 · December 2011

I also agree with Ashley.

chelseakopperud · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_sorry-not-invited?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:d7c421ce-bc53-4cb9-97d0-5ea291751024Post:6f66d5f5-9d60-410e-96e8-2dec1fda64db">Re: "Sorry, you're not invited...."</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think I would even bring budget into the conversation because that's none of their business. I think "We wanted a small, intimate wedding" is all you need to say. Them asking in the first place is being rude, so don't feel bad about being short with them.
Posted by Megbo2012[/QUOTE]

I totally agree with this.

afmilner · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_sorry-not-invited?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:d7c421ce-bc53-4cb9-97d0-5ea291751024Post:6f66d5f5-9d60-410e-96e8-2dec1fda64db">Re: "Sorry, you're not invited...."</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think I would even bring budget into the conversation because that's none of their business. I think "We wanted a small, intimate wedding" is all you need to say. Them asking in the first place is being rude, so don't feel bad about being short with them.
Posted by Megbo2012[/QUOTE]

<div>Agreed!</div>

AshnRobo · December 2011

I don't think who you invited will be an issue. B/c as you said the only person from that side of the family you're inviting is your dad.

I also don't think it will be an issue. From what you said, no one contacted you except to accuse you of things. So I really don't think they will contact you about this.

If they do, just tell them you are only inviting a small number of people because you want an intimate wedding. It seems like they are not that close and shouldn't expect to be considered that close.

CJChamis · December 2011

If it helps.. I have the reverse issue. I love a lot of my dad's damily, just NOT my dad.. So him (& his wife) are not invited, yet my closest cousins are.. Try dealing with that drama!! Really puts things in perspective huh?

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