How do I avoid offending my bridesmaid?

tjah · March 2012

I went shopping with my maids a few weeks ago, not to purchase yet, but to get ideas. One of my maids of honour is a bit on the chubby side, carrying most of the weight in the front of her stomach, though not very much in her sides.

She tried on this one dress that was made of an awfully filmy material, because it had looked really great on the first maid who tried it on. I thought it looked really great on her as well.

It was made with a sheer layer over a more opaque one, with the sheer layer gathered slightly under the bustline in the front in a way that all the way down the front middle of the skirt there is this very narrow band of material. It almost looks like a ribbon except that it's the part of the skirt. I thought it looked great on her as well because the thin line of material gave a slimming effect, and because the eye sort of lands there, it camoflaged the fact that her stomach sticks out slightly.

Because it's such a lightweight material though, she felt self conscious because it can be a bit clingy. But the places where it may cling on her are where she doesn't have any extra weight.

She tried on a different one after, similar style but in a more structure material. Instead of the ribbon of material down the front it just had a sort of belt of material in a different colour right under the bustline. She felt a lot more comfortable in this one, but I thought her stomach sticking out was much more noticable. I didn't say anything though because they weren't planning to buy that day anyway, and I had no clue how to without hurting her feelings.

Is there any way at all to mention why I think the one looks better then the other without completely hurting her feelings? I'm torn between knowing that many people want to be told if they have a chunk of lettuce in their teeth, for example, and knowing that this may be really hard for her to hear. Or should we just scrap both dress ideas and move on?

Girlie1030 · March 2012

I would just let it go. Your wedding isn't until June 2013 so you may very well find another dress between now and then that all of your girls love, feel comfortable in and look great in.

owengirl996 · March 2012

Scrap it and move on. Like PP said, you still have PLENTY of time. There will be a billion more styles of dresses in the next year, so don't worry about it right now, just steer clear of them both and start over in 6 months. Who knows, she may gain/lose weight, get pregnant, etc in the next year, so definitely leave this off of your list of things to stress over for now!

ElisabethJoanne · March 2012

Presumably, your bridesmaids are the people absolutely closest to you. I wouldn't be hurt if one of my bridesmaids, in every day life, commented on a flattering or unflattering dress. Isn't that what girlfriends are for?

With weddings, though, emotions run differently. I know I feel so much pressure not to be a bridezilla, I'm much more closed-mouth than I might be normally with my bridal party, who are all immediate family.

So, while I'd say you might say something if this were an ordinary shopping trip, especially if she asked, in wedding-dom, be extra-polite.

RockstarWifey0912 · March 2012

Honestly, whatever SHE is more comfortable in is probably what should be bought. But you have time so don't stress.

missfrodo · March 2012

When the time comes to go dress shopping:

I agree that telling her a dress accentuates her large belly could be mortifying for her.

Give her compliments on what looks good on her. "That really shows off your hourglass figure," "That's a really flattering look on you," "It falls in all the right places," "Your waist looks really slim in that dress!" Then she can frown and disagree with you, but at least you get your opinion in without offending her. I have a lot of friends who are VERY sensitive about their bodies (aren't we all?) and we have to make sure we don't fall into that "does this dress make me look fat?" trap. "It doesn't do you justice" is an honest opinion and makes no mention of body fat. Even people with flat tummies will find that some dresses just make them look bigger. Hope that helps.

memilie · March 2012

Don't say a word to her. Weddings can wreak havoc on girlfriend relationships, and you will just hurt her. I was the 'fat bridesmaid' in my brother's wedding, and when my sister-in-law picked a dress that didn't come in plus sizes (I needed an 18), I had to have the seamstress at the shop make one for me that didn't end up matching, cost three hundred dollars (the originals were $70), and made me look like a cow. It wouldn't have been so bad if the wedding hadn't been a family one, where I had to be on display in front of so many of my friends and family, but it was dreadful.
I didn't want all my bridesmaids to match, as we are all in our 30s and a little beyond that, so I asked them to find dresses that they liked in either a pale pink or light gold. I'm so happy with the results...everybody's dress really fits their body as well as their personality. I'm sure they'll all be gorgeous, and more importantly confident because they feel like they look good.

How do I avoid offending my bridesmaid?

Re: How do I avoid offending my bridesmaid?

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