Choosing a Date - Too Close to Someone Else's?

annimh · May 2010

My fiance and I just got engaged a few weeks ago and now that we're wrapping up telling everyone that matters, we're starting to get down to the nitty-gritty of actually choosing a date and doing the planning. Thing is, we had wanted to get married in May, but after picking through all the available weekends, the only one we can come up with is May 21st (due to various holidays/anniversaries).

And...my sister's fiance's sister is getting married May 14th.

I don't want my sister and her fiance to feel uncomfortable or even his sister to feel like "what the heck" if we get married the week after. I don't know if my family would be invited to her wedding or not--we sometimes do mixed family gatherings.

But I haven't asked opinions in the family, basically.

Anyway, I guess I'm just wondering if people think picking the week after someone else's wedding (that's close to my family) is going to be perceived as rude and cause problems for those who might be going to both? (Asking people involved is probably the best course of action, but...just throwing the question out there first.)

I have this niggling feeling that this probably would cause problems and I'll likely end up with a day in July (not ideal, but June is crazy for our family between anniversaries and holidays and birthdays). I just...figured I'd take opinions on this before I do something stupid!

Brie2010 · May 2010

I think that's a pretty attenuated connection. I wouldn't worry about it.

I would maybe check with the sister and her FI to make sure they're okay with traveling two weeks in a row (if it's long-distance), but other than that I'd assume the guest list overlap would be pretty minimal. No big deal.

katiewhompus · May 2010

Sisters fiance's sister....
Eh, I think just check with your sister and see if it would cause an amazing amount of trouble, but pick the day that you want. Your sil's sil gets one day that can be hers, and while I think it's nice of you to consider her, you shouldn't go out of your way or make your Fi unhappy to accomodate her. If the only people who would attend both functions are your parents then I wouldn't worry about it.

Kelly and Devin · May 2010

To be honest, if you think that it can cause problems...you are probably right. I do think that you guys should do what you really want to...but personally, if it is not a big deal to have your wedding in July, then I would just do that. I know that she would not have a "right" to be mad, but I just think that if she has the date already planned, I would just step aside and do it a couple months later.

This way, you can get a full year of planning and not make someone else upset. I guess what I am saying is, just think of how you would honestly feel if you were in her shoes...if you think your wedding has to be in May, go for it. But if you feel that you would not be happy if someone did that to you, then I would choose July!

Good Luck with your choice.

loop0406 · May 2010

I would probably ask sister and her fiance first for their opinion. If your family isn't close to them and you might not get invited then I don't see a problem there.

mocha beans · May 2010

Honestly, if you have to go more than 2 levels of relation out, don't worry about it. There's always going to be SOMEbody getting married that's somehow connected to you, especially in your 20's because, hey, everyone's doing it around that age. As long as you've established that it won't be on the same weekend as a sibling/aunt/uncle/cousin/best friend, do what works for you.

Blueyed228 · May 2010

Is your sister going to be back from her honeymoon by then?

If you have no other options, then I say go for it, but just be prepared that some of your shared guests may not come to both.

rkto · May 2010

does your venue have that date available?
I found it was easiest to find a venue and have a few dates available rather than have a date and try to find a venue. but maybe that is because I live in a place where venues get booked at least a year out.. might be easier for you.

but in general, I dont think it is a big deal. However, if you are invited, do you want to go to a wedding the week before your own wedding? you may need to be doing last minute stuff.

WhatawagSBNy · May 2010

I am assuming that if the 2 families often do things together, then little traveling is involved. If that is the case, there is no trouble in going to 2 weddings in the same month, different weeks. It each involved a whole weekend away and great expense, it would be different.

There is NO need to schedule around anybody's birthday or anniversary, unless it is something like a 25 or 50the wedding anniversary for which a party has already been scheduled.

I have been to as many as 2 weddings in then FI's family (brother and cousin) and of a sister of mine, and 2 unrelated people's weddings, in 2 months. As none required more than car travel a couple of hours, it was only a matter of doing weekend chores on a weeknight all that June and July.

As long as you are choosing different weeks, that is enough.

brookelynpaisley · May 2010

Personally, I'd be talking your sister and her FI about this and let them know the situation. Would either of them be in both wedding parties? Because that's an expense they'd have to be considering - being a bridesmaid can be pricey, and having that financial burden twice in one month can be daunting, especially since I assume they're saving and planning a wedding of their own. I personally would just not want to put any undue financial burden on people. I know that we all have our "day" and that's generally my go to answer, but when it's family involved (i.e. your sister), I have a little softer heart

annimh · May 2010

Thanks everyone

- I won't be having a bridal party (although I'll probably be asking if my sister's son can act as ring bearer...because he's just so darn cute), so she shouldn't really have much by way of expenses to worry about

- No, there isn't really a -need- to schedule around birthdays or anniversaries, but we're going for a day that's -our- day, not someone else's for one reason or another Hence the maneuvering around them for a weekend that's all ours.

- Good point about venue dates. I'll be having a few backup dates, but one date I'd like in particular

- Before I make a decision, I'll hit up my sister and see how she feels about the whole thing. I have a feeling we won't be invited, as I'm sure it'll be a really small event. I know she'll be going, at least, so I'm assuming I won't be attending a wedding the week before mine (if we can snag a venue that weekend anyway) that'll slow my own planning/last minute things down.

Anyway, your responses were all much appreciated. I have a tendency to blow things up a bit in my head (err...bad for wedding planning? I'm sure x.x), so it's good to be prodded back down to rationalization now and again!

Choosing a Date - Too Close to Someone Else's?

Re: Choosing a Date - Too Close to Someone Else's?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards