Registry fights with Fiance

Jen6862 · April 2011

My fiance is driving me crazy...

hates all my bedding choices, but his are so 'boyish,' trying best to compromise. and then he doesn't understand my want of a cupcake stand, champagne flutes or a crystal ring holder (I only have 3-4 high end items like this... i didn't go crazy on crystal or china LOL) and i don't understand why he wants a dyson vacuum when we have hardwood floors.

anybody else having similar issues? how do you resolve?

ogrady88 · April 2011

We argued about whether or not to register for a whisk. Ultimately, he lost interest fast and I registered for the items that I wanted. I will say that we also had a difficult time with the bedding. We put it off for a long time and finally found something we both liked.

hlq2011 · April 2011

Yeah, we argued over the color of our Le Creuset cookware and everyday dishes. We have three colors of LC, which he hates, but two of them (the pieces that will be most visible) are his choices and I refuse to back down and give up mine, which'll really only be used to cook.

He won on the everyday dishes, because I can live with them even though they're way the hell too boring for me, but there's so little he was interested in.

Tell him he can have his vacuum if you can have your stuff.

Bedding - you don't need just one set of sheets. Go with a few.

noodle_oo · April 2011

Marriage is a compromise, which can be a pain sometimes! You guys just have to figure out how to both be happy. Maybe that means you get a few nice, expensive pieces and he gets to pick the bedding. Or maybe you have to keep looking until you find stuff you both like. It is good practice for learning how to make decisions together.

My Dh and I were together long enough before getting married that we mostly have similar taste now. So it wasn't too hard. But he also tends to let me get what I like bc he knows I care more than he does about that kind of stuff. But yeah, registering can be stressful.

ajroark · April 2011

I'm right there with you! My FI loves patterns, but I prefer solid colors so we've been arguing about everything from bedding to plates! Also, I love the color pink, but he's not a fan. We've been pretty good about compromising though. He won bedding and I won plates!

GeauxTigers17 · April 2011

It took us FOREVER to pick out a china pattern. I feel ya. I'm super traditional, fiancé likes modern, which I can't stand. Then he found this china pattern that is "traditional" but has this giant cobalt blue rim, and while it's objectively pretty, I think it looks like it belongs on a ship in the 1880s, not on the table with my Francis 1st, hahaha. We haven't even officially registered yet and we've already had "discussions" about stuff - it hasn't come to a fight yet.

The only issues we've had are about stuff that requires patterns. I really don't care what he puts on the registry, though, as long as it isn't truly weird like Doritos or something. Or toothbrushes. One girl I knew put electric toothbrushes on her registry and I thought that was odd.

futuremrseagle · April 2011

I knew FI's favorite color was blue, so I made sure to register for either blue or neutral colors, and nothing "too girly". He doesn't even know what half the stuff on the registry is (i keep adding and deleting things!), and I'm sure he won't remember when we get the present if we actually scanned it together or not :P

maybe work with his favorite color? you definitely gotta find some way to compromise, or this marriage road is going to be long and bumpy! if it gets intense over registries, I can only imagine how intense it'll get when it comes to actual important stuff!

Milsey32 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_registry-fights-fiance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:7b68786e-693d-4e36-81c3-bfd2d43f2834Post:790559e1-7fe4-4c2a-b88a-2dd57a026595">Re: Registry fights with Fiance</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>We argued about whether or not to register for a whisk.</strong> Ultimately, he lost interest fast and I registered for the items that I wanted. I will say that we also had a difficult time with the bedding. We put it off for a long time and finally found something we both liked.
Posted by ogrady88[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Who doesn't register for a whisk? (I'm not trying to sound sarcastic... I'm serious... I just thought it was one of those "must have" kitchen utensils)</div><div>
</div><div>@OP - compromise, compromise, compromise. Like PPs said, you can have multiple sheets! And do you plan on living where you live for a long time? If there's any chance you could move anytime in the next couple years (or plan on getting carpeting) then a vaccuum could be nice/useful...</div>

Bonzo2011 · April 2011

When FI and I moved in together it took us a long time to agree on bedding. We have the queen sized bed his parents got him in high school, and at first we just had his old stars/planets/Star Wars bedding (different pieces from different sets over the years) but as much as I love SciFi, I didn't want to sleep under space sheets every night! The bed I had during college was a double though, so no mix-and-match of what we already had. So we went to different stores and looked at a lot of stuff.

What we ended up learning was that most of the bedding sets on display at places like Bed Bath and Beyond or Macys were either "too girly" or "too modern". Eventually we found a nice tone-on-tone striped set. It's subtle but has some interest. It's a light, earthy green, so relaxing without being feminine. And the fabric feels amazing! It wasn't too pricey either, which was nice as we were buying it ourselves rather than getting it as a gift. Now that the prospect of registering for wedding gifts is coming up on us, I expect the same frustrations will come up again, but now we know that we can find a middle ground, even if it's not an option the store has put out on clear display!

My advice is to keep looking, try to keep it relaxed and not make registering into a chore, and don't be afraid to look at simpler patterns/fabrics. I think guys get overwhelmed with all the floral prints in decorating--remember, it's his bed too! Hope this helps!

Wiscisbliss · April 2011

My H told me to go and register for whatever I wanted since I am the one who cooks and cares about what our house looks like (if he were in charge we would have 1 couch, 1 giant tv, and surround sound... and that would be all).

He requested a popcorn maker and breadmaker, so I got those even though I thought we wouldn't use them... He uses them both all the time.

He did veto my sheet choice, so we comprimised and got these: http://www1.macys.com/catalog/product/index.ognc?ID=399327&CategoryID=7515#fn=sp%3D1%26spc%3D59 They might be plain, but they are divine!

yames84 · April 2011

My FI wants to register for tools. I told him if he does that then he has to be at the bridal shower with me so I don't look like a fool when I open something and don't know what it is. This has been our only argument and we are trying to work something out.

jessicabessica · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_registry-fights-fiance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:7b68786e-693d-4e36-81c3-bfd2d43f2834Post:848f02c2-f675-4e89-a0a5-27039bf0c1d4">Re: Registry fights with Fiance</a>:
[QUOTE]My FI wants to register for tools. I told him if he does that then he has to be at the bridal shower with me so I don't look like a fool when I open something and don't know what it is. This has been our only argument and we are trying to work something out.
Posted by yames84[/QUOTE]

If people know you as not a tool-handling kind of girl, I doubt they will get you tools for your shower.

yames84 · April 2011

You are right. But if it's on the registry, there's a chance, probably an extremely thin chance, that I might get some sort of tool.

jessicabessica · April 2011

But if people really were set on getting you tools, they could get it even though you didn't register. For the record, we have some tools on our Amazon registry, but I did not receive any at my shower.

Jen6862 · April 2011

LOL you girls make me laugh. We will continue down the road to compromise! We already live together and I do all the decorating, which is why I'm confused he's so involved now... I guess I can always let him register for the vacuum and then return it when he realizes we have absolutely no where to put it in our tiny apartment.

!

jemmini6 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_registry-fights-fiance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:7b68786e-693d-4e36-81c3-bfd2d43f2834Post:29552758-65e0-4a2f-93f9-1ca590b6dc1b">Re: Registry fights with Fiance</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Registry fights with Fiance : <strong>Who doesn't register for a whisk? (I'm not trying to sound sarcastic... I'm serious... I just thought it was one of those "must have" kitchen utensils)</strong> @OP - compromise, compromise, compromise. Like PPs said, you can have multiple sheets! And do you plan on living where you live for a long time? If there's any chance you could move anytime in the next couple years (or plan on getting carpeting) then a vaccuum could be nice/useful...
Posted by Milsey32[/QUOTE]

People who already have 2 of them? LOL. FI and I really don't <em>need</em> anything that we don't already have (and we didn't buy the cheap stuff so no upgrades needed) so most of our registry is either organization stuff or decor.

BrideCa2011 · April 2011

it is just RIDICULOUS the things he suddenly cares about since registering. I want to pull my hair out. Really? You care that much about a cake stand? really? Have you EVER MADE A CAKE IN YOUR LIFE??!?

doeie04 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_registry-fights-fiance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:7b68786e-693d-4e36-81c3-bfd2d43f2834Post:61981934-d09b-4c8a-bdcd-6fda4872d59b">Re: Registry fights with Fiance</a>:
[QUOTE]I knew FI's favorite color was blue, so I made sure to register for either blue or neutral colors, and nothing "too girly". He doesn't even know what half the stuff on the registry is (i keep adding and deleting things!), and I'm sure he won't remember when we get the present if we actually scanned it together or not :P maybe work with his favorite color? <strong>you definitely gotta find some way to compromise, or this marriage road is going to be long and bumpy! if it gets intense over registries, I can only imagine how intense it'll get when it comes to actual important stuff!
</strong>Posted by futuremrseagle[/QUOTE]

This.

I know it is easier said than done. But if you step back and look at it from an outside point of view, it is just stuff. Your marriage isn't going to fall apart because you didn't get the dishes you wanted. (Unless you let it....)

My FH doesn't care about most things we put on our list. He does have an opinion on the bedding, which I will respect and will compromise on. (Not flowery.) Also, he wants to put gun ammo on the list, and he is so excited about it. I try to give him the few things he wants.

BlueBoxBride · May 2011

It's really simple:

Register for what you want. Give him all of the necessary sign-in information, including the registry manager passwords. Let him know that he's free to review and edit as needed.

My fiance originally complained about "expensive" stuff that I registered for. They were the first things purchased (some for the shower, no less) and now that upgraded coffee maker doesn't seem so redundant... Now he LOVES every thing I registered for.

We're lucky to have similar taste. We both like modern... though his taste tends to be more simple and utilitarian. My taste tends to be more high concept...

Or you can do a true compromise: You pick the fine china; he picks the the everyday dishes. You pick the everyday glassware; he picks the bar ware.

spalko · May 2011

My honey wants to register at Home Depot which is kind of funny since we met there! I don't mind him registering for tools and all that jazz because it means he'll be doing more projects around the house for me

We haven't done any actual registering yet but we've talked about what we like and don't like and for the most part we're on the same page. His favorite color is red so we'll probably do red in the kitchen, more neutral colors for the living room, blue/grays in the bedroom and my favorite color is purple so we'll do purple in the bathroom. It's all about compromise and just because you register for something (like tools) doesn't mean you'll get everything or that you have to keep it!

OuachitaTrixie · May 2011

~~~BrideCa~~~~ You CRACK ME UP! I know exactly what you are talking about!

Anytime we didn't agree I made us each describe in detail why something was so important/not important to us. Usually by the end of that our answer was apparent. It turns out he was more insightful on some of this stuff than I thought. In those circumstances I came around to his side. Also, a lot of times he realized that he was waaaaay out of his element and therefore, he let me "win."

He won:
fine and everyday flatware (his choice based solely on "how cool the knives look.")
our knife block and set (I think his thing about the knives is primal-spear-related...)
cookware (whatever makes him want to cook!)

I won:
bedding
china

Miss_kristi · February 2012

Soo is registering for electronic toothbrushes really that weird??? I put them on our Amazon registry, but haven't told the FI that they are there yet... LOL

Registry fights with Fiance

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