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October 2013 Weddings

Handling Wedding Questions

Hi everyone,

How have you all been handling all the wedding questions? Like the friends that just keep asking about every little detail. I mean I don't mind letting people know what we're thinking, but I'd like to have some of it be a surprise. I also would like the opportunity to change my mind. I guess I am wondering what a polite way to say "we have some ideas, but I don't want to spill it all before the wedding" is. 

Also just to vent a little, I had one friend come to my engagement party, where the gifts were optional, nothing on the invite or anything about gifts. Some people brought them, some didn't. So my friend asks if we are opening them in front of everyone, like at a bridal shower. I said no, it was an optional thing and I wouldn't want to make those that did not bring a gift feel bad. She said... "normally at these things you open gifts in front of your guests. I like to see people's reactions when they open my gifts." I didn't know what to say, except for "B*tch, please". But did not say that lol.

I've had other times where I told people what we were doing, then changed my mind about some wedding detail. I've had friends tell me to stop changing my mind so they can coordinate their time at the wedding... really?

Anyway what I getting at is, sometimes people ask for details, then I tell them, then they pass judgement. What's your strategy? Do you just not tell them? 

Re: Handling Wedding Questions

  • I pretty much just go with "we've got a few different ideas floating around, but we haven't nailed anything down for sure.  We still have a bit of time, so I'm trying to stay open to new ideas."

    It's honest and to the point, but isn't "I want things to be a surprise, so I'm not telling!" You get what I mean?
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  • I agree with you wanting to keep things as a surprise.  I'm also finding that everyone has an opinion as to how things should be done and I'm still trying to figure out a polite way to say "I don't give a s*** about what you think, it's my wedding!"  Any suggestions about that haha.
  • I would say "we have some ideas, but I don't want to spill it all before the wedding" say what you mean and mean what you say or everyone will run around pissing you off and they will not be the wiser.

    I gave my friends was the general amenities that we can take advantage of before and after the wedding, like the jacuzzi patio and after party ideas. I am also doing a seasonal newsletter that updates my bridesmaids with "exclusive" details about the wedding that we finalized some that they need to know and others so they feel involved and very special. Our Exclusive details include our private parties, hints to gifts I am giving them (my bridal portrait session, I gave it to my girls), and my no flower policy for the wedding. They LOVE being the bearers of our wedding secrets and we are still able to maintain our actual wedding secrets since they are distracted with their exclusive content.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2013-weddings_handling-wedding-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:1925524f-fa8b-432f-a7b5-be486ce756efDiscussion:4d928973-c4ae-43b3-8880-c6401da2658ePost:fc897548-320d-477e-a6fd-f04efe3c011a">Re: Handling Wedding Questions</a>:
    [QUOTE]I pretty much just go with <strong>"we've got a few different ideas floating around, but we haven't nailed anything down for sure.  We still have a bit of time, so I'm trying to stay open to new ideas."</strong> It's honest and to the point, but isn't "I want things to be a surprise, so I'm not telling!" You get what I mean?
    Posted by Arh65[/QUOTE]

    THIS!!! I got snapped at in one of my other boards when I was asking for advice since FSIL is getting married this month, two months ago her mom was asking what we were doing for things such as the grand march, ideas instead of clinking glasses for kissing, and rehersal dinner because his sister had no clue. I told his mom "well we don't want to steal her thunder so we are keeping all of our wedding details on the downlow/back burner right now" the girls in another board thought that was rude of me.

    So yes, I would just tell them that you are still trying to figure things out but aren't positive on the details yet.

     

  • Well color me rude, then!  We've had a LONG engagement (will be just over 3 years due to my schooling) and in that time my sister and one of my best friends got married.  I was in both parties.  Everytime someone would ask me when it was still 2+ years out I would just say that I haven't had the chance to stop and think about what I want because I'm involved with other weddings, etc. I understand that my FMIL doesn't have these upcoming weddings to talk about ,but at 2+ years I really didn't have anything definite other than the groom and the season.
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  • I have just been saying ..."we have a lot of ideas, but we still have to see how they will fit together before we deicide on anything." or...it's a long way off, so we haven't made anything definite yet."

    It is your wedding, not theirs.
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